Finally, life has slowed down again, at least for a while, so I get around to a proper post. I’m afraid that’s how it will always be around here…
As mentioned before, most of my erotic stimulation happens in my head – I read, I write, I fantasize. But, as the weekly Beefcake posts show, I also enjoy to watch. To me, men are pretty, some are stunningly gorgeous, and, especially not having a lot of actual physical experience to draw from, it’s sexy to see how they touch, hold and caress. Which is why a lot of actual porn doesn’t do anything for me.
There’s not a lot of holding and caressing going on in most mainstream porn – there’s fucking, a lot of it, but it doesn’t allow for a lot of chemistry. I need to feel as if there’s real enjoyment going on, as if both parties are into it, into each other. That doesn’t have to be all lovey-dovey, but it does have to feel “real”, in a way, allow me to connect emotionally. I need my brain to be stimulated in order to be aroused. It’s just how I’m wired.
There’s a reason why most mainstream porn consumers are men – a lot of men (not saying all of them) seem to be aroused by close-up shots of moving body parts. So that’s what a lot of porn is. Fake tans, fake boobs, fake orgasms. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s not into that, and that’s why there seems to be an increasing amount of women trying to make a different kind of porn.
Not all feminists are okay with porn – and considering how much of the industry relies on the exploitation of women and women’s bodies that’s understandable. But I do think that there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with wanting to watch beautiful people (whatever kinds of beauty work for you) being physically intimate (be that gentle or rough or kinky).
Not surprisingly, one of the first straight porn movies I actually enjoyed featured a real life couple, their love-making intercut with them talking about their relationship. (You can watch it in episodes via the Comstock Video Podcast.) That was an eye-opener to me. Also, I found some clips of gay porn where the performers shared a sizzling connection, where there was kissing and touching and laughter. The last one is one of my biggest turn-ons in porn: Sex should be fun.
Not that there’s anything wrong with a bit of kink. I’ll definitely write about sexual fantasies at some point, but for now, I’ll leave you with this beautifully crafted short movie by Erika Lust, who wants to show that scripted adult films can be fun and sexy for women. She doesn’t always hit my buttons (unsurprisingly – I don’t think any two people, be they women, men or queer, find the same things arousing), but it’s sure fun to watch her take on pornography:
Handcuffs from Erika Lust on Vimeo.
