Category Archives: Brain candy

When I was a teenager, I voraciously read German pop and girl magazines, devouring the beauty tips and relationship advice columns, later switching to Cosmopolitan and some other women’s mags.

Looking back, I have no idea why I kept at it for as long as I did, considering that I never really fit the audience these magazines so very clearly aimed for: I was constantly single, not sexually active, and my make-up, hair and clothing all tended to be very low maintenance. But still, I read them, until I began to think that maybe my money was spent better elsewhere, bored of seeing the same old, tired content (“how to get/keep/seduce your man” / “how to look like a celebrity by buying this stuff”) over and over again. After that, for years the only magazine I read regularly was National Geographic (I’d been reading science-y mags all through my teens as well), and sometimes the German mag Neon with its wider focus, until I went abroad and kind of lost the habit completely for a few years.

And then I discovered Filament, most likely through a rec in some feminist or sex-positive blog on my Google Reader – and it basically blew me away. Here was a mag geared towards adult (straight) women that seemed to really “get” my brain – sexy pictures (male erections, oh my!), smart articles (covering everything from feminism over disability rights to rope bondage), and juicy short stories (sometimes even featuring m/m content, yum!)… They’re even pretty good about including people of colour and models with different body types. So yes, a definite rec from me! (Actually, I gave away all my old issues, which are no longer available, to friends, because that’s how much I love them. *g*)

In one fell swoop I regained interest in print magazines, so having been a faithful reader of the website for a while, I signed up for Bitch, which is great if you’re at all interested in looking at pop culture through an explicitly feminist lense. So that’s another mag to read – and unlike Filament I can even read it outside or at work without blushing…

Since then I’ve tried several other magazines geared to the adult woman with an interest in erotica and pretty men. In English, there’s Pool Boy Magazine, which only has one issue out so far, so it might be a bit unfair to judge it, but while I liked the variety of men they showed, I missed the more intellectual touch of Filament. But then, that’s not what they’re aiming for anyway, I think.

There are also two German mags I’ve read:
Jungsheft, which feels quite home-made (it’s smaller, not glossy, and I actually had to order by emailing the creators) but had a couple of interesting articles in it. However, for me it’s a touch too “German”, maybe – of the three issues I ordered (because international postage is the same as for 1) I fancied one model, I think.

And then there’s the brand-new EDEN pure erotic, which I only got this week. It’s not pornographic (unlike the other adult mags mentioned above), very classy – and it’s not too far away from Cosmopolitan, except that it focuses exclusively on all things sex (after all, it’s an “erotic lifestyle magazine”). I think because of the professional presentation I found myself rather annoyed by little things that I’m sure will be ironed out (silly grammar/spelling mistakes or the annoying subtitle – is there a reason that couldn’t be in German, “pure Erotik”?). But what will most likely keep me from buying the next issue is the fact that it feels too close to the mainstream women’s mags. I didn’t feel that it was written for me – single, geeky, social justice-conscious, and more interested in real men and women than glossy fantasies. (Seriously, what most annoyed me were the short stories, which spent too much time describing how gorgeous the leading lady looked and what she was wearing. Also, if it’s meant for straight women, why the many erotic lady photos?)

What do you think? Have you got any mags you enjoy reading?

Edit: Not a women’s magazine, but an interesting read (with some sexy photos to boot): DUDE is a mag made by trans* guys, giving a bit of a 101 on all things FTM/trans*, and it’s available as a free pdf download.

Finally, life has slowed down again, at least for a while, so I get around to a proper post. I’m afraid that’s how it will always be around here…

As mentioned before, most of my erotic stimulation happens in my head – I read, I write, I fantasize. But, as the weekly Beefcake posts show, I also enjoy to watch. To me, men are pretty, some are stunningly gorgeous, and, especially not having a lot of actual physical experience to draw from, it’s sexy to see how they touch, hold and caress. Which is why a lot of actual porn doesn’t do anything for me.

There’s not a lot of holding and caressing going on in most mainstream porn – there’s fucking, a lot of it, but it doesn’t allow for a lot of chemistry. I need to feel as if there’s real enjoyment going on, as if both parties are into it, into each other. That doesn’t have to be all lovey-dovey, but it does have to feel “real”, in a way, allow me to connect emotionally. I need my brain to be stimulated in order to be aroused. It’s just how I’m wired.

There’s a reason why most mainstream porn consumers are men – a lot of men (not saying all of them) seem to be aroused by close-up shots of moving body parts. So that’s what a lot of porn is. Fake tans, fake boobs, fake orgasms. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s not into that, and that’s why there seems to be an increasing amount of women trying to make a different kind of porn.

Not all feminists are okay with porn – and considering how much of the industry relies on the exploitation of women and women’s bodies that’s understandable. But I do think that there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with wanting to watch beautiful people (whatever kinds of beauty work for you) being physically intimate (be that gentle or rough or kinky).

Not surprisingly, one of the first straight porn movies I actually enjoyed featured a real life couple, their love-making intercut with them talking about their relationship. (You can watch it in episodes via the Comstock Video Podcast.) That was an eye-opener to me. Also, I found some clips of gay porn where the performers shared a sizzling connection, where there was kissing and touching and laughter. The last one is one of my biggest turn-ons in porn: Sex should be fun.

Not that there’s anything wrong with a bit of kink. I’ll definitely write about sexual fantasies at some point, but for now, I’ll leave you with this beautifully crafted short movie by Erika Lust, who wants to show that scripted adult films can be fun and sexy for women. She doesn’t always hit my buttons (unsurprisingly – I don’t think any two people, be they women, men or queer, find the same things arousing), but it’s sure fun to watch her take on pornography:

Handcuffs from Erika Lust on Vimeo.

I’ve always had a very active fantasy life, but for years it was strictly het – typical m/f romance and smut, often with favorite actors/popstars and fictional characters. I was active in the rave/trance scene with its many gay guys, as well as an ex-boyfriend who discovered that he was gay, but it never had anything to do with my own sex life. Until I found Fanfiction.net (realizing that what I’d been writing since hitting my teens had a name) and the section starring the Backstreet Boys¹, about ten years ago.

I started with the usual “Mary Sue” fic, very similar to the stuff I’d been writing myself, imagining idealized versions of me hooking up with my favorite Backstreet Boy – but quickly I noticed that many of the stories with better characterization and fewer clichés starred two Boys in a romantic relationship. I can’t pinpoint a revelatory moment, but from that time onward man-on-man action became part of my sexual identity. I read slash, I wrote slash, I fantasized slash.

There are many theories why so many women enjoy m/m fanfiction/romance, but for me personally it’s a mix of the visual (one man = good, two or more men = better) and the appeal of male friendships crossing the boundary into the sexual/romantic. In many movies/tv shows/books, the female characters are less well-developed in comparison to males (just think of pretty much any sci-fi franchise as well as the many, many buddy cop shows), and there is something very attractive about classic “alpha males” (heroes, hard men, logical men) being emotionally attached and vulnerable.

The latter, the emotional component, is vital to me, explaining why most gay porn doesn’t do it for me. As with straight porn, it’s too artificial, too staged – the porn I enjoy are the bits where there seems to be a genuine attraction between the actors. I’m not saying that I only read sappy romance², but the relationship has to feel real, believable, has to connect with me on an emotional level.

Luckily there are a lot of awesome (often female) writers out there who share this preference, and by being part of slash fandom I became part of this tradition, this community, and never felt ashamed or embarrassed by my love of pretty boys touching each other.