While there is plenty within the porn industry that needs some serious feminist help, not all of the porn industry sucks. Throughout the years, it has gotten better and it continues to improve the more feminists work through various issues within it. As of right now, there is feminist pornography available and feminist pornographers are really pushing boundaries and making changes within the field. I’m incredibly happy about that, because I don’t think that porn is inherently anti-feminist or anti-woman. I just happen to think that porn as it stands right now reflects the patriarchal culture in which we grow up and operate. However, in conjunction with the nature of porn, it is reflected and magnified. So, it’s not only reflected back into the culture, it’s reflected back into the culture with more intensity than it may have been put in. This not only perpetuates but exacerbates the problem.

After this, the text continues on to explain some of these problems, showing why it’s important to not consume porn blindly but to reflect on what it says about our culture.

In other news, I re-watched Erika Lust‘s “The Good Girl” last night, and it still stands out as one of my favorites, despite some issues. I especially like that there’s laughter, and a focus on the woman’s experience and pleasure – even if there’s still a cum facial, at least it’s done very tongue in cheek.

Looking back, I have no idea why I kept at it for as long as I did, considering that I never really fit the audience these magazines so very clearly aimed for: I was constantly single, not sexually active, and my make-up, hair and clothing all tended to be very low maintenance. But still, I read them, until I began to think that maybe my money was spent better elsewhere, bored of seeing the same old, tired content (“how to get/keep/seduce your man” / “how to look like a celebrity by buying this stuff”) over and over again. After that, for years the only magazine I read regularly was National Geographic (I’d been reading science-y mags all through my teens as well), and sometimes the German mag Neon with its wider focus, until I went abroad and kind of lost the habit completely for a few years.

And then I discovered Filament, most likely through a rec in some feminist or sex-positive blog on my Google Reader – and it basically blew me away. Here was a mag geared towards adult (straight) women that seemed to really “get” my brain – sexy pictures (male erections, oh my!), smart articles (covering everything from feminism over disability rights to rope bondage), and juicy short stories (sometimes even featuring m/m content, yum!)… They’re even pretty good about including people of colour and models with different body types. So yes, a definite rec from me! (Actually, I gave away all my old issues, which are no longer available, to friends, because that’s how much I love them. *g*)

In one fell swoop I regained interest in print magazines, so having been a faithful reader of the website for a while, I signed up for Bitch, which is great if you’re at all interested in looking at pop culture through an explicitly feminist lense. So that’s another mag to read – and unlike Filament I can even read it outside or at work without blushing…

Since then I’ve tried several other magazines geared to the adult woman with an interest in erotica and pretty men. In English, there’s Pool Boy Magazine, which only has one issue out so far, so it might be a bit unfair to judge it, but while I liked the variety of men they showed, I missed the more intellectual touch of Filament. But then, that’s not what they’re aiming for anyway, I think.

There are also two German mags I’ve read:
Jungsheft, which feels quite home-made (it’s smaller, not glossy, and I actually had to order by emailing the creators) but had a couple of interesting articles in it. However, for me it’s a touch too “German”, maybe – of the three issues I ordered (because international postage is the same as for 1) I fancied one model, I think.

And then there’s the brand-new EDEN pure erotic, which I only got this week. It’s not pornographic (unlike the other adult mags mentioned above), very classy – and it’s not too far away from Cosmopolitan, except that it focuses exclusively on all things sex (after all, it’s an “erotic lifestyle magazine”). I think because of the professional presentation I found myself rather annoyed by little things that I’m sure will be ironed out (silly grammar/spelling mistakes or the annoying subtitle – is there a reason that couldn’t be in German, “pure Erotik”?). But what will most likely keep me from buying the next issue is the fact that it feels too close to the mainstream women’s mags. I didn’t feel that it was written for me – single, geeky, social justice-conscious, and more interested in real men and women than glossy fantasies. (Seriously, what most annoyed me were the short stories, which spent too much time describing how gorgeous the leading lady looked and what she was wearing. Also, if it’s meant for straight women, why the many erotic lady photos?)

What do you think? Have you got any mags you enjoy reading?

Edit: Not a women’s magazine, but an interesting read (with some sexy photos to boot): DUDE is a mag made by trans* guys, giving a bit of a 101 on all things FTM/trans*, and it’s available as a free pdf download.

Not surprisingly, the first (and so far only) porn I ever bought on DVD were Xana and Dax, a straight couple, and Damon and Hunter, two sexy guys, and I’ve also seen and enjoyed Marie and Jack, but I definitely plan on checking out some of other couples. I get the feeling I’ll like it all, although for example I’m not personally into girl-on-girl – but if it’s all shot so beautifully and with so much love and real chemistry, I think one can’t help but be turned on by the pleasure the couples are sharing. (Btw, I think all couples are somehow involved in porn as performers, which makes it even more obvious how fake so many porn films are.)

So, if you like your sex emotional and real, then this is definitely the pr0n for you…

I blame the cheekbones and lips. *g*

Anyways, have this yummy backside, found via The Angry Black Woman:

Ewan McGregor really does it for me – especially when he’s wearing a kilt!

You can get his new solo EP, Truant Wave, on Bandcamp. /shameless pimpage

There was a time, during my teens, when I devoured teen mags and then “graduated” to Cosmo and other women’s magazines. Looking back it strikes me as strange that I enjoyed reading them so much, because I never was interested in all those beauty and fashion tips. I guess it made me feel grown-up, part of the glamorous world of confident, adult women. And all those articles on how to combat cellulite, how to get the perfect tan or shave without getting irritated skin, made me think that, if I just tried hard enough, I could have a sexy, smooth body like those women in the photos.

And then I grew up. Or rather, I grew into myself. I gained weight – first all on my legs, so I changed my diet and lost it again, but then again more evenly, turning my decidedly pear-shaped body into more of an hourglass. A very pale hourglass with bumps and veins and hair in places beauty magazines (and porn films) make us believe women shouldn’t have hair. But really, I’ll never get rid of my big butt and thighs (short of liposuction), I’ll never be tan (believe me, I tried, resulting in painful weeks spent looking like a lobster), and what the hell is wrong with hair anyway?

I must admit, in summer I still shave my lower legs, and I’m lucky in a way that here in Switzerland (or at least in my circle of friends) having a ‘bush’ is the norm, so I never felt pressure in that area, but I’ve mostly embraced my body the way it is. I don’t judge women who prefer to look differently¹, who enjoy primping and shaping their bodies, but I hope they do it for the right reasons, not because they somehow got the impression that their natural body is disgusting.

I’m probably a 1 on the Kinsey scale², but I find women beautiful. As with men, their attractiveness often doesn’t have much to do with the way they look, but rather with the way they meet the world: open and honest and confident in their self-worth. Seriously, is there anything sexier than a happy smile one someone who looks as if they love the way they are?

That’s something I enjoyed about the burlesque class I took last year – it was a bunch of women of different shapes, ages and ethnicities, strutting our stuff, cheering each other on. Wobbly bits, sweaty faces, wrinkles and all, we all felt sexy in that room, for once unafraid of the judgement of the mirror.

With job and family stuff going on I don’t think I’ll have time to write new stuff for them, but they also said they’d like me to crosspost my Pr0n and Chocolate posts to their blog. Which I’m very happy to, because really, those women sound pretty awesome and I’m incredibly flattered they think I fit in with them:

Sadie Magazine has all the cool kinds of people and things we wish we had known about earlier ourselves. Sadie is a magazine for young women who might otherwise read glossy teen magazines that focus on hair, makeup, and prom dresses. Rather than training women to consume, Sadie aims to empower girls with stories of risk-taking ladies. Our goal at Sadie is to offer resources in order to make young women (and all interested young men) self-sufficient, independent, and knowledgeable. We aim to help girls learn how to make important decisions and find inspiration. We would like to question industries that target young women and offer practical advice on such tasks as how to make an easy, healthy meal and how to fix things around the house. We tackle fun and substantive issues in a market that regards women as recipients of ad campaigns.

As mentioned before, most of my erotic stimulation happens in my head – I read, I write, I fantasize. But, as the weekly Beefcake posts show, I also enjoy to watch. To me, men are pretty, some are stunningly gorgeous, and, especially not having a lot of actual physical experience to draw from, it’s sexy to see how they touch, hold and caress. Which is why a lot of actual porn doesn’t do anything for me.

There’s not a lot of holding and caressing going on in most mainstream porn – there’s fucking, a lot of it, but it doesn’t allow for a lot of chemistry. I need to feel as if there’s real enjoyment going on, as if both parties are into it, into each other. That doesn’t have to be all lovey-dovey, but it does have to feel “real”, in a way, allow me to connect emotionally. I need my brain to be stimulated in order to be aroused. It’s just how I’m wired.

There’s a reason why most mainstream porn consumers are men – a lot of men (not saying all of them) seem to be aroused by close-up shots of moving body parts. So that’s what a lot of porn is. Fake tans, fake boobs, fake orgasms. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s not into that, and that’s why there seems to be an increasing amount of women trying to make a different kind of porn.

Not all feminists are okay with porn – and considering how much of the industry relies on the exploitation of women and women’s bodies that’s understandable. But I do think that there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with wanting to watch beautiful people (whatever kinds of beauty work for you) being physically intimate (be that gentle or rough or kinky).

Not surprisingly, one of the first straight porn movies I actually enjoyed featured a real life couple, their love-making intercut with them talking about their relationship. (You can watch it in episodes via the Comstock Video Podcast.) That was an eye-opener to me. Also, I found some clips of gay porn where the performers shared a sizzling connection, where there was kissing and touching and laughter. The last one is one of my biggest turn-ons in porn: Sex should be fun.

Not that there’s anything wrong with a bit of kink. I’ll definitely write about sexual fantasies at some point, but for now, I’ll leave you with this beautifully crafted short movie by Erika Lust, who wants to show that scripted adult films can be fun and sexy for women. She doesn’t always hit my buttons (unsurprisingly – I don’t think any two people, be they women, men or queer, find the same things arousing), but it’s sure fun to watch her take on pornography:

Handcuffs from Erika Lust on Vimeo.