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Finding a hysterical Nick on his front porch when he was supposed to be in Florida was Kevin's first clue that
things were amiss in paradise. They had just finished the Millennium tour and were on a bit of a break before
recording for the new CD. Nick had gone home to the Keys with Mandy, Brian had snuck off to Atlanta with
Leighanne, AJ and Howie were in LA and Kevin had gone off to spend some time at his cabin in Kentucky.
They were given four weeks of somewhat normalcy before having to start the whole rigmarole over again.
What surprised Kevin the most was the fact that he'd just spoken to Nick the night before and the blonde had
assured him that everything was great. Fantastic. Peachy keen to be exact.
Clearly he had been mistaken.
Once Kevin had let them inside and put away his groceries, which had seemed enough when he was buying
them, but now that he had another mouth to feed, was sorely lacking, they sat down at the table. Staring at
one another, Kevin unsure of what to say and Nick looking as though he'd been hit by a truck. Literally.
There were bruises not only on his arms and from what he assumed, chest and stomach, but a few remnants
of bruises that were on his face, probably from not that long ago. Kevin felt anger curling in his stomach and
fought the urge to leave Nick in his cabin and fly all the way back to Florida to kick that blonde skank's ass from
here to Timbuktu. That rage dissipated with two words. "It's over." Kevin couldn't dare to hope that Nick
meant them how he wanted him to. He did. "I left her. We're over, officially."
They'd broken up more times than Kevin could count at this point and the first few times those words actually
sparked excitement in them. Now they were just empty promises. One look into Nick's stunning blue eyes
told him that this time it was different. This time it WAS over. For real. "Good." The word was out before he
had a chance to censor it and he saw Nick's forehead crease and his eyes fill with tears. Definitely not the right
thing to say. Quickly, Kevin tried to backpedal. "I mean, fuck Nick. What do you want me to say?"
"That you're sorry it's over! That I'm making a mistake."
"I'm not, and you aren't." Nick was too old for Kevin to continue sugar coating things and Kevin was tired of
playing this game.
They sat in silence until finally Nick stood up and went upstairs. Kevin heard a door shut and the water turn on
for a shower. An hour later Kevin was laying on the couch watching a game on TV when Nick rejoined him, a
look of defeat on his face. No words were said as Kevin scooted over just enough for Nick to climb in behind
him and curl up against his side, Nick's head resting on Kevin's chest. It was like that they stayed for the rest
of the afternoon, simply taking comfort in the other's presence. Those were the times Kevin liked the most,
the quiet comfortable moments where they just could enjoy each other.
"I really loved her," Nick confessed while they were washing the dishes from dinner. "I know how much you all
hated her, but ...I loved her. A lot."
"I know you did Nicky and I'm sorry you have to hurt like this." And Kevin did know, but he also knew what first
love was like. Blinding and ignorant. Oblivious. Unconditional. Nick deserved better than her, but Kevin
dared not tell him that. At least not yet. Nick wasn't ready to face the truth that he'd been so blind to for so
long. Nick knew part of how Mandy *really* was, but he was in no shape ready to hear the full story.
"Why didn't she love me?" Nick's voice was soft, cracking with emotion. It broke Kevin's heart that Nick
thought it had something to do with him, that he was to blame. He pulled the younger man into his arms. She
was just another person who claimed to love Nick but really loved what he could do for her. Loved the meal
ticket that she expected him to write. She had been no different than everyone in his life. Everyone except
for his four 'brothers'. They seemed to be the only ones that honestly cared for him more than what he could
give them and Kevin was determined to show him that no matter what happened, he was loved. He was
special.
"She loved you Nicky, don't doubt that. You're a hard person not to love, she just loved herself more. No one
that claims to love someone would hurt them as much as she hurt you."
"I know." Nick looked directly into Kevin's eyes and gave him a sad smile. "That's why I had to leave. I just
couldn't do it anymore. I tried so hard to be what she wanted me to be and it was never enough. She kept
telling me how miserable I made her, how worthless and useless I was. I just want her to be happy so I told her
she would be happier with someone else. Even though it's killing me."
Kevin knew that once the hurt went away, the anger would set in. That he wouldn't care so much about her
feelings and would begin to see her for what she really was. He vowed to be there for him when that
happened, because Nick was definitely going to need someone to lean on. To give him support. Nick had
asked if Kevin minded company for as long as he would be staying at his cabin. Although he'd gone there for
retreat from the guys, from the world, Kevin couldn't deny Nick this one request, and truth be told, Kevin
liked the idea of the two of them at his cabin. Together. Alone. They hadn't had time together since Nick
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