First Forever

It was amazing just how many obstacles Nick was forced to face in his quest to do his solo project. If it wasn't one thing it was another, everything managing to make Nick's life just that much harder. He finished his first video and was slated to premiere it on MTV, only to find that Justin had beat him to the punch. He released his CD with respectable sales, only to have Justin beat him by an almost embarrassing amount. He had scheduled a two month tour, only to have Mother Nature go completely haywire and dumping an obscene amount of snow in the northeast, postponing dates and snowing him in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't anything that Nick could have helped. It had been Jive that was pitting the two pop stars against each other, promising Nick fair and equal promotion but leaving him out in the cold while they focused solely on Justin, and of course it wasn't as if Nick could have predicted the biggest snow storm in years. But Kevin watched as Nick took it all in stride, just happy to be doing the one thing he knew he was born to do.

Just watching the blonde up on stage sent thrills down Kevin's spine. He'd never been more proud of the younger man than he was during his solo efforts. Everything from writing the songs, to laying them down to releasing the CD and starting the tour. Nick had embraced his solo project to the fullest, vowing that nothing was going to bring him down. No one was going to take this away from him. Slowly, the others came around and were able to see past their own jealousy to realize what Nick going solo meant. They had needed this break a lot more than anyone had ever realized, and it was clear that when it was time, they were going to go back into the studio stronger than ever. What once before had seemed like the demise of the group, seemed to be the one thing that could have saved them from self distracting. Nick alone had saved them from self destruction.

Nick's tour ended and they were going to get together in mid July. A retreat was planned somewhere in the Dominican. They were going to spend a few weeks just reacquainting themselves with each other, making up for lost time. It was then that they were also going to try and come up with an idea of where they wanted the CD to go and how to approach it.

It was a bright sunny day when a package arrived with Kevin's mail, the bright envelope catching his attention. Opening it up, he found a smaller envelope inside containing a ticket. A plane ticket to be exact. It was to the Dominican, where they would be going in just a few weeks, but rather than the date being for when they'd all agreed to go down, it was for earlier. Two weeks earlier to be exact. There was a letter also enclosed which Kevin slowly read.

The ticket was from Nick, a request that Kevin fly down early with him. It had been so long since Nick had been on a *real* vacation and their working vacation didn't exactly count. Nick explained that it was just going to be the two of them that early, the others not told anything other than they'd see them on the pre arranged date. Kevin couldn't contain the butterflies that were in his stomach, the way his hand trembled and his pulse raced. Nothing could stop him from joining Nick for their two week reprieve.

He managed to board the plane with no one recognizing him, finding someone already sitting in the seat next to his. Just as he was about to ask them to move so he could slide in, the person looked up and Kevin recognized the crystal blue eyes. His heart jumped a few times and a grin appeared on his lips. "You're here!" There was a tone of disbelief in Nick's voice.

"I told you I'd be here."

"It's just good to see you." Something passed between them and Kevin felt the hairs on his arm stand up.

They made it to their villa in good time, deciding to stay in the same cabin rather than staying separately. "What's the point of coming together if we stay alone?" Was Nick's argument, not that Kevin needed coaxing to stay with the blonde. They unpacked their things and changed into clothes that were more comfortable, deciding to just take some time to chill out and fully enjoy the peace and quiet that they were afforded. Conversation was light, silences not awkward at all. Kevin found his thoughts continuously wandering to Nick and what was going on in his own head. He wondered if Nick felt the same electricity that he felt or it was just his overactive imagination.

"I bet you're wondering why I asked you to come up early." It was the first they'd talked about their mini vacation, nothing being said about why they were there two weeks before everyone else. Kevin hadn't really let himself think about it, although he'd be lying if he didn't admit he was curious.

"Sorta."

"I wanted to thank you."

"For?" They were sitting side by side in a hammock, rocking back and forth gently, bodies pressed together from leg to shoulder. Kevin turned his head just enough so that he could look at Nick his own reflection staring back at him in the reflection of the sunglasses the blonde was wearing. He felt his body react to the smile that Nick flashed him, unsure of how to proceed with the multitude of emotions flowing through him.

Kevin was caught off guard as he watched Nick lean in slowly, brushing their lips together softly. A barely audible whimper could be heard, Kevin's body reacting with a shudder. Nick took Kevin's reaction as a sign and didn't pull away. Instead, he covered Kevin's mouth in another kiss, tilting their heads for better access. Kevin's lips parted instantly and he darted his tongue out to meet Nick's, which had pushed through with a confidence that had been lacking so many years ago.

The hammock continued to rock gently in the wind as Nick and Kevin feasted hungrily on one another. Nick's hand was woven in the short hair at the nape of Kevin's neck while Kevin's stroked Nick's cheek tenderly. It wasn't until they were breathless that they pulled away, staring deeply into each other's eyes. Both men were visibly shocked, not by the kiss itself but the emotion behind it. This wasn't like any other kiss they had shared over the years, it was a whole other ball game and Kevin wasn't sure if they were ready for what it meant. Hell, he had no idea what it meant so he knew he wasn't ready for it.

Nick's cheeks turned a soft crimson colour and he brought his fingers up to his lips, still able to feel the moisture from Kevin's mouth. Without saying a word, he stood up and headed into the cabin, not looking back. Kevin understood that he wanted to be alone, something that he could identify with.

It was dark when Kevin headed back inside, scent of dinner assaulting his senses upon entering the cabin. He headed to the washroom to clean up before joining Nick in the kitchen. "I just made pasta."

"Smells delicious." Kevin set the table while Nick put the finishing touches on dinner. They sat down to eat, neither able to look the other in the eye. Kevin knew that if he took a chance and met Nick's gaze, the younger man would be able to see just how much that kiss affected him. How much he had always affected him. Kevin wasn't so sure he was going to be able to hide his love for Nick any longer. It had been ten years at this point and some days it felt like no time at all, but others, that day for example made it feel like a lifetime. Nick's close presence startled him out of his day dream, their faces only inches apart. Kevin could feel Nick's breath on his cheek.

"We need to talk about it."

"A ..about what?" Kevin hadn't stuttered in years, but just the smell of Nick so close, the heat emanating from his body was making him nervous.

"That kiss, what it meant."

"I don't understand." Kevin trembled as Nick reached up to cup his cheek in his palm, stroking the skin gently. He didn't expect Nick's next move, to lean in again and softly press their lips together before opening his mouth just enough for his tongue to lick at Kevin's lips.

"Now do you understand?" Nick asked against Kevin's mouth. He nodded numbly. Only a few seconds passed before the kiss became passionate, Kevin throwing all logic and reason out the window. He wanted to savour the moment before it ended, because regretfully, he knew it had to end some time. It was a few minutes later when Nick pulled away, eyes closed and breathing laboured. "Not here." He stood and pulled Kevin to his feet, leading them to the living room to the couch. Kevin felt himself being pulled down next to Nick, their eyes meeting before mouths coming together once again, resuming the kiss where it had left off in the kitchen.

Although he hadn't been keeping the time, Kevin was sure a few hours had passed since Nick had kissed him. They hadn't moved further than the couch, now laying down tangled together rather than sitting uncomfortably. Kevin was pinned underneath Nick's body, their mouths fused in a steamy, erotic kiss, hands clutching and grasping at each other. His whole body felt as though it was on fire from Nick's touch and he whimpered when Nick pulled away.

"Kevin, there's something I need to tell you."

He couldn't stop the giggle that followed Nick's statement, his mind whirling with a million thoughts, none slowing long enough for him to grasp it fully. They were in a very compromising position and Nick suddenly felt the need to confess something to him. Kevin sighed. "You can tell me anything Nicky."

First Nick leaned down to kiss Kevin again, letting his tongue sweep every inch of Kevin's mouth, his hips lightly grinding Kevin's. He pulled away and gave an airy smile. "Do you remember that conversation we had in your car? When we were going from my parents house to AJ's to watch a movie? I was like, 18 or something."

Kevin tried to think back to that night. Any kind of thinking was pretty difficult in the position that they were in. Vague memories of a discussion they'd had filtered into his brain. And then suddenly it came back to him, the night that Nick confessed that he was bisexual. He had a crush on someone, a guy someone. Kevin nodded, 'Yeah, I remember. What's that have to do with anything?"

"Well. Those feelings ...they never went away. For that person I mean. I always thought that they were ...well

not serious feelings but just something I'd forced myself to feel. I thought that if I tried to forget about them, they'd go away. But they didn't. Not at all."

Any desire that Kevin might have been feeling was gone instantly. It was replaced with a familiar feeling of disappointment. "Oh." Nick had maneuvered not so that he was on top of Kevin any longer, but they were curled up together on their sides, with Kevin pressed against the back of the couch. He continued to stroke Kevin's hair as he spoke.

"Yeah. I mean, I thought that I was just imagining the feelings at first and that they would go away in time, but they haven't. They've only gotten stronger and ...well I've come to realize that this person..."

"Uh-huh..." Kevin could feel his heart break achingly slow.

"Well, I'm sort of ...in love with them."

Kevin tried to get up, to just remove himself from the whole situation but Nick held him strong, forcing him to stay put. He willed the tears that were threatening not to fall. The last thing he wanted was for Nick to see him cry. Nick didn't seem to notice though, he was too wrapped up in his own confessions.

"I just had to tell you Kev. God, I can't believe I've wasted so much time. I've been so scared to tell them and ..."

"And you're here with me because?" Kevin couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. He could hear it shaking and cleared his throat. "I mean, that's great Nick. You're in love, congratulations, but what the fuck is this?" It was then Nick pulled himself out of his own thoughts and saw the look of pure devastation on Kevin's face. He leaned his face so that their foreheads were resting on one another.

"Because it's you. I love you Kev, I've always loved you but ...I'm in love with you and that's totally different. It's a whole new kind of love. Not that it's new, because it's not. I think I've always been in love with you, even when I was 13 and asking about girls and erections and pit hair."

Kevin couldn't hear anything through the blood rushing in his ears. It was almost as if Nick had said that the person he was in love with was him, but Kevin couldn't let himself believe it. It was too good to be true. He'd waited ten years to hear it and now that he had, he was afraid that if he blinked it would all be a dream. Nick's lips pressed against the side of his face startled him.

"Say something Kevin. What are you thinking?"

"That this isn't real." Kevin's eyes were still closed and his voice was but a whisper.

"But it is. It's been real for as long as I can remember. No one has ever taken care of me like you have. No one has ever loved me unconditionally, except for you. Not even Brian, Aje or D. All those things that I came to you with, I couldn't have gone to them. Wouldn't have gone to them. You ...you've been my angel since the beginning." Nick stroked Kevin's cheek gently as he spoke and Kevin practically purred.

"You're the angel Nicky." Kevin was the one to instigate the kiss this time, needing the physical intimacy. Nick's taste was in his blood now and Kevin craved it, craved him. Now the possibility for more had been presented and for the first time in ten years, Kevin's dream was in grasp. "God, I've waited for you for so long." They kissed intermittently until Kevin pulled away and stared deep into Nick's eyes. "Are you sure? This isn't just ..hero worship or something?"

"Ego much?" Both men giggled, Kevin relishing the sweet sound of Nick's laughter. "Seriously Kev, at first that's what I thought it was. You taught me everything, you were always there for me. You were my first everything, and I thought that maybe I just had misplaced feelings. But then I did my own thing for a while and got out there alone. You were in New York doing your thing and we didn't see each other as much. I had a chance to live alone and see what I wanted, who I was. And it all came down to the same thing."

"Which was?" Kevin's stomach was churning in anticipation.

"It's you. Only you. You were the one I called every day. It was you that could make me smile on the worst days, after the most horrible shows or interviews. When I wasn't around you, all I could think about was you, us." Nick blushed and licked his lips. "It didn't matter who I was with or what we were doing, I wanted you. I still want you."

"Fuck Nicky, we wasted so much time." Kevin wished now that he had have said something sooner to Nick about his feelings. They could have been together all this time had he not been such a chicken shit. Nick shook his head and kissed the tip of Kevin's nose.

"No baby. We didn't waste time. We were making memories, creating a past. And besides, I had to make sure."

"You had to make sure of what?"

"That it was going to be forever. That I was in it for forever, with you. I'm only going to do forever once, so I had to see if it was in my heart and soul. You were my first everything. I thought Mandy was my first love but she wasn't, not even clos. And now ...you're my first forever. My ONLY forever."

Kevin's eyes watered at the emotion in Nick's voice. They shared a kiss, eyes locked on each other. "And it is?"

Nick nodded, his lips curling into a giant grin. "Kevin, you are my heart and my soul. It's just the two of us. I know it took us so long to get here ,but it was worth the wait. WE are worth the wait. I've wanted to tell you this for so long but didn't know how. So I thought of this, to bring you here and tell you."

They leaned in together for a deep kiss, putting every emotion they had for the other into it. Kevin couldn't help but hope that if it was a dream, he didn't want to wake up. This was everything he'd ever wanted and more. Nick was everything he'd ever wanted and more, and finally, after so many years of waiting they were together. It was like nothing he could have ever imagined, being in Nick's embrace, his kiss knowing that it was forever. That it meant to Nick what it meant to him. "I love you Nicky," he whispered as he buried his face in the blonde's neck.

"I love you too Kev. First and forever."

Finis