Title: Action. Reaction. Author:Jules Part:1/1 Pairing: TimberNick Rating:PG Feedback:Yes Please - mailto:goddess_julie@just-in-dreams.com Disclaimer:Fiction for entertainment purposes only. Not real, don't profess it's real, not making any money off of it. Action. Reaction. by Jules He wonders if he could have seen it coming. You know, if he was really looking for it. Paying attention. Because there was something in the way that it all went down that made him wish that he'd been prepared for it. Not caught so off guard by it that he'd shut down completely, unable to speak, think or even move. It would have just been nice for some warning. That's all he's saying. It wasn't as if it were a bad thing, although he knows that everyone thinks he saw it like that. And for the most part he doesn't care. Doesn't give a shit about what other people say. Or think. Or even do. Because those people don't matter. What matters is what that one certain individual thinks, and for that, he's regretful. The way those blue eyes dimmed just enough for the hurt to flash through. The way his smile faltered slightly, his lower lip quivering nervously. And the worst part of it was the disappointed and slightly embarrassed sound that escaped his lips. Or was the worst part the hint of tears, gathering in the corners of his beautiful eyes. Tears that should have been avoided. Prevented. But weren't. All because he had been to fucking wrapped up in his own world to see something beyond what was right in front of him the whole time. But that wasn't right either, because he HAD been there the entire time. Waiting in the wings. Right under his nose. That's what pissed him off the most. That the whole time he'd thought what he wanted was unreachable, untouchable. It was right there. Waiting for him. The party had been thrown by someone Justin knew. Or someone that knew someone that Justin knew. He wasn't exactly sure whose party it was, or why he was there, just that he'd been invited and when he'd gotten the invitation he couldn't think of anything better to do so he'd agreed to go. Now, looking at the sea of nameless faces, he wondered if there was anywhere in the world he'd like to be less. He didn't think so. There was an open bar on the other side of the room. Now that he could handle. Maybe a few drinks would put the party in a whole other light and he wouldn't feel so bored that a pen in the eye sounded like a good excuse to have to leave. Just as he was about to raise the glass to his lips, hoping that the dark amber liquid would provide him with some sort of relief he recognized someone sauntering towards him. Or well, not exactly towards him but in his general direction because Justin was certain that he hadn't been seen yet. He could tell the exact instant that Nick saw him, relief and ...something he couldn't exactly decipher, flashed in the older man's eyes. Justin was sure that he saw a hint of a grin on his lips, but someone had stepped between them too quickly and Nick's face was hidden. He tried to convince himself that it wasn't butterflies that was making his stomach jump that way, but the alcohol he'd drank. He also forced himself to forget that he'd yet to begin drinking the one in his hand to be his first. It was the anticipation of the alcohol that was getting him all nervous. Not Nick. Especially not Nick and not that way. Because he didn't feel that way. Or so he'd successfully convinced himself. It took the blonde point ten seconds to untangle himself from the arms that had managed to snake around him, pulling him close. Justin's eyes were narrowed, invisible daggers being shot from them. He was holding his glass so tight that he was certain it would shatter between his fingers, but he didn't care. All he wanted was for that skank to get her hands off of Nick. Not to mention her lips. They'd been friends since the beginning. Or ...quasi friends. Justin wasn't exactly sure WHAT they were in the start and Nick wasn't all to eager to define it. They were cool. Fought because that's what they'd been told to do, although emails and instant messages late at night assured each other that it was all for the press and they hadn't meant a word of it. Both understood and no hard feelings were harboured. Just once Nick had gotten upset at something Justin had said, but after they'd discussed it over and over again, he understood that it wasn't Justin speaking, it was the money and he said that Nick could say whatever he wanted about him next time he was doing an interview, no matter how personal or how harsh. Justin waited and held his breath, not exactly shocked when the revenge never came. Nick never was one to really do as he was told. Exact revenge strictly for the purpose of hurting someone. That had made Justin feel even worse about hurting the older man and he'd ended up sending him a care package with everything

		he could think of that he knew Nick liked. All was forgotten and the two had gone back to the way things were before. Justin had vowed never to let things get that bad and from that point on, avoided the topic of Nick entirely in interviews. Neither really knew what was going on, but enjoyed the companionship all the same. As time had gone by, they had become closer. No one seemed to understand their friendship but the other. AJ was closest to Nick's age in his group, but still, it seemed like a million years instead of 2. It was the same for Justin, Lance two years older but ... not. So they turned to each other. It wasn't uncommon for any of the Boys to find Nick on the phone with Justin, or Justin IMing Nick. Although the guys never said anything, they wondered if perhaps there was more to their friendship than anyone dared to say. "J?"Nick greeted him, a wink and half hug to follow. They looked around to see that no one was paying too close attention to them. "Just the person I was hoping would be here." "Oh yeah?"Justin gave a smirk and finally swallowed the drink that he'd been working on for about twenty minutes now. It burned as it went down his throat, giving his already tingling stomach just a little more heat. Again, a firm believer of denial, Justin refused to admit that the thought of Nick looking for him, seeking him out made him happy. "Yeah."With a nod of Nick's head, the twinkle of his eye, Justin found himself following the blonde out the back door. He didn't bother to ask where they were going because he didn't care. He didn't bother to ask why they were leaving, because it didn't matter. In the ten seconds he'd been with Nick, he was having a better time than he'd had all night. Perhaps that should have been the sign he was looking for. The fact that Nick always seemed to brighten his mood, give him something to smile about. Even if it was only a result of two sentences. They ended up at Nick's car and Justin paused for the briefest of seconds. "I'm sober. Was only at the party long enough to findyou." "How? Why?" "I knew you'd be there, bored out of your mind."Justin raised an eyebrow and Nick grinned. "It's not your scene J."He couldn't argue with that and finally sighed. "Yeah yeah."Nick grinned and climbed in the driver's seat, waiting for Justin to join him. "Why?" "Had some shit I had to talk to you about." Nick made no move to start the car and Justin didn't question him. They sat in silence, breathing comfortably. Justin startled when Nick's voice filled the car. "So... I know we've never really defined what this is.." In retrospect, Justin wonders how he ever missed it. How he didn't know by the way Nick started out, by the way his hands were trembling as they grasped the steering wheel tightly, how he refused to look Justin in the eye for the longest time. Justin thinks that he was so relieved to be WITH Nick at that moment, he couldn't see anything beyond that. "Yeah?"He remembers wondering what the hell Nick was trying to get at. "And ... I think it's time I tell you why."Nick cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair. Justin suddenly had the urge to touch Nick's face, to feel the softness of his skin. He didn't, but now wishes he had have. Instead, Justin nodded his head, wanting Nick to continue. "You see... it's something that I didn't feel at first, but over time came to realize... I don't know if its' because I feel so comfortable around you ... or that we're just so fucking much alike ...or just because I've told you more than I've ever told anyone else in my entire life and I know that you'll never judge me because of it." It was true. Justin felt the same way and hearing it come from Nick's mouth only made him grin, his stomach jumping with excitement. "But ... oh god."Nick's voice faltered and Justin instinctively slid closer to the older man, putting his arm around his shoulders for comfort. He hated seeing Nick so ...whatever he was and wanted to ease the pain. As he got closer, Nick leaned into his touch and their faces were merely inches apart. It was at that exact moment Justin wondered if he'd ever seen a pair of eyes so beautiful. He'd never *really* looked into Nick's eyes from this distance. Had never seen the flecks of grey mixed in the blue, the way they sparkled in even the faintest of light. Justin wasn't sure what was going through Nick's mind at that exact moment. Hell, he had no idea what was going through his own mind because every lie he'd told himself about what he felt for this man was shattered. In that second, that car, Nick's arms, Justin couldn't deny how beautiful Nick was. How Nick made his pulse race and his heart swell. How he made Justin's life complete. It was like slamming into a brick wall, the realization of what it meant crashing into him. Nick took that moment to lean in and breach the distance between them, covering Justin's lips with the faintest of hesitation. Justin heard, "I'm sorry... just ...have ...to..." before his whole body seemed to ignite. Justin's life changed in the blink of an eye. The flick of a tongue. The sound of a whimper. One that he

		wasn't entirely sure didn't come from him. And then reality set in. "What the..?"He pulled away ...or more accurately pushed Nick away, bringing his fingers up to his lips in shock. He was more shocked at how much he was affected by the kiss than the kiss itself. Words were completely escaping him. He saw the fear and sadness in Nick's eyes and instantly regretted his actions, the force with which he pushed Nick away. They sat in silence again, this one laced with a discomfort that was stifling. Justin couldn't think, the sound of blood pumping loud in his ears. His heart was beating madly and he closed his eyes to regain his composure. "I'm sorry J... Never.... Thought that maybe ..."Nick turned and Justin's eyes fluttered open, blue meeting blue. Justin saw that Nick was curiously close to crying and felt as though another blow had been dealt to his stomach, the first coming with the emptiness in Nick's eyes after he'd pushed him away. "I'm sorry." "Yeah well...." Justin sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "Fuck." Nick had instantly started the car and paused, as if waiting for some sort of indication from Justin as to whether or not he was staying or going. Justin took it as a hint and shook his head before opening the door and stepping out. He thought he might have slammed the door a little harder than necessary but he thought an apology for that would only drive the wedge in deeper since there had been more important things he should have offered an apology for. Four days passed, and in those four days he'd spoken to no one. Not that he hadn't heard what others had to say, because his phone had barely stopped ringing, but he just didn't have anything to say to them. His actions had been reprehensible and he knew it. Even if he hadn't been interested in what Nick was offering, which he was by the way, what he was instigating, he shouldn't have reacted the way he had. Not if they were half the friends that Justin knew they were. Not if Justin loved Nick even a fraction as much as he knew he did. And Justin loved Nick. A lot. Probably more than anyone else in his life. Definitely more than he'd loved Britney, and he thought that would last forever. Four days gave Justin a hell of a lot of time to think. To put things into perspective. To clean out all the skeletons that he'd stashed in his closet. It was time to take a good look at himself, and figure out why he had just thrown away the one thing that had the possibility to make him happy. Genuinely happy. Why he'd thrown Nick's love away when it was all he'd wanted for as long as he could remember. Not only had Nick's guys called to scream at him, asking why he'd broken his heart as ruthlessly as he had, his own guys had called as well. Of course they were a little less angry and a little more frustrated, unable to comprehend why Justin liked to wallow in misery. It wasn't often that a person's soul mate came along, and when you pushed happiness away, it wouldn't always come back. Justin knew he had to fix things. He just didn't know how. It was exactly six days, nine hours and thirty seven minutes since Justin and Nick had been sitting in his car and Nick had kissed him. Justin looked at his watch and held his breath, hoping that he was doing the right thing. No one had to tell him that Nick was here, he just knew. Whenever there was anything that was bothering him, there were two places he would go. Either Justin's house or his boat. And seeing that his place was out of the question, Justin figured that Nick had to be on his boat. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw the familiar car parked in the lot. Four times he'd almost backed out and gone home, unable to face the man that meant more to him that he'd ever know. Justin knew there was no way to explain to Nick what had been going on in his mind at that moment, that moment when he'd rejected him so brutally, but he was going to do what he could to right the wrong. To show him that he'd been taken off guard and ...well he didn't feel the need to make excuses for himself. He'd fucked up plain and simple and now it was time to ask for forgiveness. A second chance. "What are you doing here?"Nick's voice was soft yet hard. Justin was amazed at how Nick had pulled that off. Everything about the blonde amazed Justin and again, he wondered how he could have missed these feelings for so long. He simply shrugged. They looked into each other's eyes and finally Nick moved, silently inviting Justin onto the boat. A flashback played in his mind and he gave a soft smile. "Just the person I was hoping would be here."He looked up and saw the recognition in Nick's eyes. It quickly turned to suspicion and Justin didn't blame him one bit. "Yeah?" "Yeah. Had some shit I had to talk to you about."Justin didn't take his eyes off of Nick as he crossed the length of the boat, stopping to stand directly in front of him. He reached out to grab Nick's hand, stopping only when it was pulled away. Justin figured he deserved that.

		Now it was Justin's turn to be nervous, unsure of what the older man was thinking. He couldn't make out the expression on Nick's face and figured that it didn't matter. There was no way he was leaving that boat until he'd said what he came to say. Even if it had to be done while Nick was physically throwing him off. If things came to that. "You see. I'm an idiot. I fucking idiot." That got Nick's attention and Justin saw him cock one eyebrow. His arms then folded over his chest protectively, as if hiding his heart. "There's this person... This guy to be exact. The most amazing guy I know. And for 10 years I thought we were friends. Just friends, no more no less. And pretty much the whole time, there has been this awkwardness between us. Something that I couldn't explain so I just hid. I just stashed it away somewhere so I didn't have to think about it too much. It scared the shit out of me so I figured that if I ignored it, it would go away. But then, last week this friend of mine must have gotten tired of it being swept under the carpet and did something about it..."Justin saw Nick's lower lip tremble, his eyes cloud over and he paused, taking a cleansing breath to calm his nerves. Nothing was stopping him now. "And ...although I don't know how, it blind sighted me. Took me completely off guard and threw me for a loop. And ...well it made me act like an asshole. I guess I was just scared and excited and a little shocked and ... I'm not even going to make any excuses for my actions because I was stupid. And ...I just hope that..."He paused wanting to gage Nick's reaction, surprised to see tears threatening to fall. The only question was whether they were good tears or bad tears, but judging from the fact that Nick's arms were at his side, Justin thought that it might be good. "...just hope that he can find it in his heart to forgive me."Taking a chance, his hands sought out Nick's and took them, holding them gently. Nick didn't fight and Justin felt a sense of hope flash in his heart. Licking dry lips, Justin stepped in closer still, finding that Nick didn't move. He didn't step closer, but didn't back away. It was just what Justin needed to proceed. "I'm sorry Nicky. I just ...wasn't expecting you to feel the same way ...I don't even think I knew I felt this way until..."He'd wasted too much time already and with that thought, he leaned in to press the softest of gentlest kisses on Nick's mouth. They stood frozen in their spots for endless minutes, enjoying the feel of the other's mouth pressed against theirs. Justin dared to open his mouth just enough so that his tongue could lick at Nick's lips. "Don't..."Nick whispered, pulling away from the kiss. He remained connected to Justin through their hands clasped between them, but shook his head. Justin felt his heart shatter into a million pieces and wondered if this was the pain that he'd put Nick through. That thought alone nearly killed him. "I'm sorry..."He'd started, shocked when Nick's mouth came down on his again, this time with more pressure, his hand moving from where it was locked with Justin's to cup the back of his head. "Don't do this unless you're sure."Nick's eyes opened wide and Justin found himself staring into Nick's heart. His soul. "I couldn't take it if..." "I love you."It was a challenge to see who was more surprised by Justin's admission, both men looking slightly taken aback. When Nick again, shook his head, Justin stopped him from speaking with a kiss. "I've done a lot of thinking these past 6 days and the one thing that I couldn't figure out was how I could have missed it. How I couldn't have known that all this time, the reason that I've been unable to be happy with someone, is because they're not you. You make me happy, you make me Justin. And, I love you. I fell in love with you without even realizing it and it took last Saturday night for me to realize it. I'm just so sorry...." "Don't say you're sorry." "But I shouldn't have reacted that way. Shouldn't have pushed you away when I just wanted to pull you near. Shouldn't have hurt the one person that I would do anything to keep from being hurt." "I love you Justin. Knowing you love me too makes everything that got us here worth the pain and tears." He knew that it would take more than three words to mend what had happened between them. To seal all the cracks on Nick's broken heart. And although he hadn't realized it, his heart was a little broken as well. When Nick hurt, he hurt. When Nick suffered, he suffered. The sun shone brightly overhead and where Justin would have once thought that was the source of the heat he felt warming him to his soul, he knew different now. Understood that it had nothing to do with anything, but everything to do with Nick. Nick made the birds sing louder, the sun shine warmer and the sky seem bluer. It was there, in Nick's arms that Justin realized that he had two existences in the world. One with Nick and one without him. Justin didn't want to have to think about one without him. Finis.