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Title:  Everything Or ...Everything You Deserve
Author:  Jules
Part: 1/1
Rating: PG
Pairing:  SweetKaos, KaosKitty
Disclaimer: Fiction for entertainment purposes.
Warning: Bigroupal warning.

Everything Or ... Everything You Deserve
by Jules

"The choice is yours.  You've got the weekend to decide."

 

Two sentences.  That was what everything boiled down to.  Nick was stuck between a rock and a hard place not having any clue as to what to do.  He knew that at some point he was going to have to make a decision.  They couldn't go on with things the way they were, and although he hated to admit it, they were right.  It hadn't been fair to either of them being strung along as they were.  But in his defense, he'd been honest with both of them from the very beginning.  It wasn't as if they had gone into their relationships with him unknowing.  They had known from the start.  Not that it made things any better, it didn't, but he wasn't entirely heartless.

 

He'd known them both his entire life.  They had been there for him before he was a star, and were there throughout the whole duration of his career.  Their careers.  Nothing ever changed, except that he'd fallen in love.  With both of them. 

 

Howie was his brother.  One of his best friends.  He'd been there through good and bad times and still stood by his side.  He was sweet and gentle and kind, the calming force behind Nick's furious rages.  He knew exactly what to say and when to say it, and had successfully managed to have Nick fall in love with him.

 

JC was in the enemy camp, figuratively.  They weren't enemies and it wasn't like camp.  They'd become friends through Justin who constantly told them that they'd be perfect for each other if they just gave it a chance.  He was smart and quiet and absolutely beautiful to look at.  He had this air of sophistication about him that Nick was always in awe of.  Slowly, Nick realized that the respect and admiration for the older man had turned to love.  Love that JC admittedly returned.

 

And so it began.  Nick was seeing both of them, discreetly of course but still, dating the two men.  They knew from the beginning and were aware of the other man in Nick's life.  It wasn't something he'd planned on.  Up until this point in his life, he'd never dated more than one person at the same time.  He'd always believed in one person for everyone, not everyone for one person.  But it wasn't until he was faced with the situation that he realized he couldn't choose.  There were things about Howie that he wasn't sure he could live without, but also things about JC that he couldn't ignore.  He hadn't started seeing them with the intent of falling in love with both of them and once he realized it, he wondered what he should do. 

 

Neither JC or Howie seemed to mind that he was seeing the other so his decision had been clear, wait until they said something before making a choice.

 

Well, they'd said something.

 

Or moreso Howie had said something.

 

It was him or JC.  One or the other.  He was tired of Nick living the high life having two men fighting for his attention and he was sick of it.  Sick of having to share his lover with someone else.  Sick of not being number one in Nick's life.  And sick of everything.  He cared for Nick, might even love him but it was time for Nick to make a decision.  If Nick wasn't going to give him 100%, he was going to walk.

 

Nick had felt so bad about things that he hadn't really heard all of what Howie had said to him.  He knew that this day would come and had been waiting for it. He knew it was time to make his choice.  He phoned JC the moment he left Howie's house and told him he would be right over.

 

JC sat with him on the couch, running his fingers through Nick's long blonde hair.  Listening intently to what he had to say.  Nick apologized profusely for everything, stopping when he saw amusement in his lover's blue eyes.

 

"What's so funny?"

 

"You.  Why are you apologizing, you haven't done anything wrong."

 

"But ...you and Howie... playing you both..."

 

JC shook his head.  "You can't apologize for something that you didn't lie about.  We both knew you were seeing us both, so if we have a problem with it, it should have been resolved at the beginning.  Not now."

 

Nick let out a deep breath and listened to JC's soothing voice.  He wasn't angry that Nick was with them both, claimed to love them both.  He didn't care.  It wasn't an issue because he would take Nick's love in whatever doses he could get it, because having him some of the time was better than never having him at all.  And if he chose Howie, it would break his heart but eventually he would survive because Nick's love, as short a time as he'd had it, had made him stronger than he'd ever been before.  All JC wanted was for him to be happy, and if Howie made him happy then JC would have to let him go.

 

Nick thought he felt worse after visiting JC than before, because he'd realized just how blind he had been.  And for so long.

 

He had come home a few days later to find them both on his porch, silently sitting together.  There was a mixture of emotion in the air and Nick felt his stomach clench.  Before he'd said a word both men were on their feet.  Howie spoke first.

 

"I'm serious about this Nick, about what I said on Monday.  I can't handle this anymore.  I can't continue on with this knowing that I'm not the only one in your life.  I need a commitment, I need to know that you're going to be faithful to me, to this.  The choice is yours.  You've got the weekend to decide."  It was in that moment that Nick felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and not in the best of ways.  He turned to JC and saw so much emotion in his eyes.  He felt his heart melt.

 

"Nicky, do what you have to do babe.  We're going to be okay, whatever you pick.  Do what makes you happy, what you want.  No matter what you decide, we'll still be friends and you'll still be loved.  I'll always love you babe."

 

They both approached him, Howie first then JC.  He received two kisses, sweet and short before he found himself alone on his verandah.

 

Howie or JC.

 

He had a decision to make, and only a few days to make it.  He knew Howie was serious and would want his answer by Sunday night at the latest.  This decision was big, possibly one of the biggest decisions he'd had to made.  If he picked Howie, he would still have JC in his life, that much was certain.  It wouldn't be the same, but Nick knew that he and JC would still be as close as they were and he could always count on him being there for him.  Where on the other hand, if he chose JC, that would be the end of any friendship for him and Howie, that much had been made clear for him.  With Howie, it was all or nothing.

 

So when it boiled down to it the choices were this:

 

If he picked Howie, he'd have both of them.

 

If he picked JC, he was cutting Howie out entirely.

 

Howie, the man he'd loved for so long.  The man that he thought he would be with forever, who knew him like no one else did, who he'd spent countless lazy days and nights with, curled up in bed, discussing dreams and aspirations and hopes with.  The man that Nick didn't know if he could live his entire life without.

 

JC.  The man who understood him when others didn't.  JC knew that Nick was more than he pretended, that he wasn't what he portrayed because it put him at an advantage that way.  The man who put up with Nicks mood swings, his endless bouts of depression and knew when to just hold him.  To kiss him deeply and assure him that life would go on, that the latest crisis wasn't the end of the world.  The man who could sing to him so softly that Nick thought it was angels, and when he opened his eyes, realized that it was an angel.  His angel.

 

His decision was made within an hour.  He found himself in front of a familiar house, butterflies in his stomach.  He rang the doorbell and waited, smiling nervously as the door opened to a pair of surprised brown eyes.

 

"Nicky.  Why did you ring the doorbell?  Why not use your key?"

 

Nick took a deep breath and with shaking hands presented Howie with an envelope.  "I don't think I have that right anymore Howie.  I'm sorry."  He stepped forward and placed one last kiss on Howie's lips before moving backwards.  He saw the change in Howie's eyes as he registered what Nick was saying, his lips forming into a thin line. 

 

"So that's the way it's going to be?"

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Howie slammed the door in Nick's face making him wince. Moments later it opened again and Nick dodged out of the way as a set of keys came flying at him.  "You've made your choice Nick.  Now you have to live with that.  Good bye.  Forever."  The door slammed again and Nick felt a few tears fall from his eyes.  Sadly, he walked back to his car and slid into the driver's seat trembling violently.  Howie was right, he had made his choice.  Now he had to move on.

 

Half an hour later he found himself in front of another familiar house, body trembling just as much.  He rang the doorbell and waited until the door swung open.  "Hey."

 

Nick gave a small smile. "Hey."  Moments later he was pulled into the house, thin, muscular arms wrapped around his neck.  He couldn't speak through the sobs that were wracking his body. 

 

"Shhhh.  Nicky it's okay baby.  It's okay."  JC was soothing him which only made Nick cry harder because he knew that the older man hadn't a clue as to what he'd decided.  Finally he was able to collect himself long enough to speak.

 

"I never... I never meant for this to happen.  I'm so sorry.."

 

JC cut him off.  "Don't be sorry baby.  I understand."

 

Nick shook his head.  "Let me finish."  JC stopped talking and kissed Nick's forehead comfortingly. 

 

"I'm so sorry I had to hurt him.  But it was the only way.  He was right, I had to make a choice.  But I never wanted him to get hurt."

 

Nick's eyes were locked on JC's and he saw the surprise etched in their beautiful blue depths.  He knew JC thought he had picked Howie and for a moment Nick saw a flash of disbelief.  He nodded and tears pricked the corners of JC's eyes.  "Oh ...Nicky ..you..."

 

"I love you."

 

"I love you too baby."

 

The choice hadn't been a choice at all.  Just an admission.  An admission of something he hadn't wanted to face.  He loved Howie and he loved JC, but the difference was that JC loved him back.  Unconditionally.  Proudly.  He knew Howie would get over him, that Howie would move on, swiftly and completely.  JC would not., he would eventually, but not with the ease that Howie would.  That said a lot right there about where he was meant to be.  With whom.

 

Howie cared for him, but Nick knew from the beginning not to expect more.  Howie made no promises, and Nick should appreciate what he was given.

 
Nick deserved more. 
 
Nick deserved it all, and with JC, he had it. 
 
Finis

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