Part 17: Intermission

This is the first part in a series of 4. They will all be considered as Part 17, but are not continuous. Each of the 4 parts will be conducted in the first person as opposed to the third person approach I've been taking with the series. Nothing new will be occurring during the mini-series, so if learning more about Kyle and Billy in relation to Nick and Kevin and the club doesn't interest you, than you can rest assured that if you skip the next 4 parts, you will not have missed anything.

Story 1: A Fucking Unbelievable Ride

~Kyle's POV~

I can feel the sun on my face, the warmth on my skin and with a yawn, I stretch out, slowly waking up. Now I know that those blinds were closed when I went to bed last night because I know better than to keep them open, I need to sleep in complete darkness, thus the blinds are always closed tightly to prevent the sun from shining in. So someone must have opened them for me. With another yawn and a low growl, I reach across the bed where my lover should be sleeping as well and frown when I feel nothing. One eye opens, and when the room focuses before me I see that I am in bed alone. An empty space where I know Billy was when we fell asleep last night. The sheets are cool so he must have gotten up quite some time ago. Which doesn't make sense. I'm always the first one up, especially on the weekends and I usually have to drag him out of bed, kicking and screaming. I roll over and look at the clock, wincing when I see how early it is and wondering why the fuck Billy's up at this hour. It's barely 8 am and Sunday, both indicators that we should still be asleep for at least 2 more hours.

I throw the covers back and sit up, wiping my eyes and stretching one last time before getting off the bed and grabbing a pair of boxers from the dresser. Usually I go straight for the bathroom and take a piss, but that's going to have to wait. I need to find my boyfriend and find out what is wrong with him. I know it can't be anything too serious, because if it were he would have woken me up to talk about it. I know things are getting really stressful for him at the office, his team working on a really big project for an extremely wealthy client, so it might just be that. So he might be getting some work done while I sleep but that's not like him. He wouldn't have come over last night if he needed to get work done, so it has to be something else. I think I got halfway down the stairs before the smell of Irish Cream coffee made it's way to my nose, my stomach instantly growling and mouth watering. With a smile, I head towards the kitchen, Irish Cream coffee my favourite indulgence, something I only allow myself on special occasions.

I made it as far as the door, swinging it open before I stopped dead in my tracks, my body overwhelmed with surprise. Well I'd found my boyfriend. My eyes raked over his tee shirt covered back, down to his ass and then back up again. He was standing in front of the stove wearing a shirt and hospital scrubs, his hips swaying to the music that was playing softly from the radio on the windowsill. I think he heard me gasp because instantly, he turned around and the smile fell from his lips. "Aww.. You're awake!" I swear, Nick has got us all pouting like him now and it just drives me into a frenzy you wouldn't believe.

"If you wanna be alone I can go back up to bed." I answered him, still confused as to what he was doing.

"Oh no. Don't do that.. It's just I wanted to surprise you." He said, wiping his hands on a dish towel from the counter and walking towards me. He flashed me that smile that makes my knees go weak and pulled me close. "Happy birthday baby." He whispered before kissing me passionately, letting his tongue move erotically with mine.

Oh yeah. It's my birthday. I'd forgotten. Well shit then, it's my fucking birthday. Sunday. And 8:30 am. And I'm still awake. Well that makes me a whole other kind of pissed at him opening the blinds. Just as I'm about to pull back and yell at him, I feel him giggle into my mouth as his hands slide into my boxers to massage my ass. Any argument that was playing in my mind instantly was forgotten and I grasped his hips tighter, rocking our groins together. I could feel his cock hardening against mine and we both moaned pulling away breathlessly.

"I made you breakfast birthday boy. I was just about to bring it up and wake you. Go back upstairs, get into bed how you were and wait for me. I'll only be a few seconds." Billy said, kissing my lips lightly and pushing be back towards the door I'd come in through. And instantly I was like a kid on Christmas. I love birthdays. I love giving presents and getting presents. I just love the excitement involved. And I love how Billy woke up early and did something special for me. I know he doesn't cook all that much, although he's fabulous at it, but for him to make me a special breakfast has made getting up this early worth it. Plus whatever else surprises he's got up his sleeve for after breakfast. I think I ran the entire way up the stairs, only stopping for a few seconds to relieve my bladder which felt as though it was about to explode and then continued into the bedroom. Stripping off my boxers, I threw them across the room and giggled as they landed on the mirror, hanging from the top corner suggestively.

"You ready Kyle?" Billy hollered from the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah baby. I'm always ready." I giggled back, hiding under the blankets so that only my eyes and forehead were visible. When he came into the room he laughed at me, rolling his eyes and walking to my side of the

bed.

"Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Kyle ...happy birthday to you." He sang sitting down on the edge, placing the breakfast tray over my legs. I gasped when I saw the breakfast he had prepared, unable to believe that he'd gone through all of this trouble for me. Without me even knowing. There was a cup of Irish Cream coffee along side a glass of juice, which I knew would be half and half orange/grapefruit juice. There were pancakes shaped as hearts with fresh berries and syrup decorating them. There was a bowl of fruit salad with yogurt and granola on the side as well as a vase with a single red rose in it. Biting my lip, I looked up from the tray into his eyes and smiled, pulling him close for a kiss to say thank you. "All this? For me?" I could barely speak, my voice cracking from the abundance of emotion I was feeling.

"All this baby. For you." He assured me. I watched him stand up and take his clothes off before climbing into the bed on his own side, snuggling up to me. "It's your birthday and I wanted to do something special for you. To show you how much I love you."

"I know you love me. You didn't have to do this.."

"Shhhh." He silenced me with a kiss to my lips. "I know. But I wanted to. I've never ....Ummm well..." I loved how he blushed so easily when he was nervous about something, unsure of what to say next. "I've never made breakfast in bed for anyone like this before. I mean..." He cleared his throat and I simply kept my eyes on his, waiting for him to say what he was trying to tell me. "And ...I just wanted to do something special for you. To show you I love you. And that this is special to me. You are special to me."

I don't know how he does it, but sometimes he can nearly make me cry without even trying. We've been together for over a year and a bit now and there are still things that I'm learning about him. I didn't know he'd never done this for anyone before me, and that makes it even sweeter.

"I know we've been really involved with Nick and Kevin lately. But you have to know that I love you. That no matter what happens, it's you I want to be with." His hand reached up to cup my face and I could feel his fingers stroking the skin softly. "It's only you."

And as much as I knew that already, it's good to hear. I know there was definitely a time where he worried about my ties to Kevin and where that left him. Hell there were even times where I worried about my ties to Kevin. How much in love with him I was ..how in a way I still am. But over the past while, that has lessened considerably. There was a time where I didn't think I would ever love anyone but him, and that I was certain that I would end up pining away for him my entire life alone, unable to get past my infatuation with him to find someone else. But then Billy came along and showed me that there was life after Kevin. And god knew how much shit he put up with in the beginning, when we first decided to get together. I don't know why Billy stuck with me ...or why he let me treat him like I did, but all I know is that I'm glad he did. Because I think he was the only thing that saved me from myself. From the constant loom of 'what if' and self pity. Smiling I leaned into his touch, kissing his palm. "You know I feel the same right? That as much as I love them. As much as I love the way things are right now, if I felt that it was threatening what we have here, I would end it. You know that right?" Oh god, I hope he knows that. I hope he realizes that the past is behind me and the future is all I can see. The future of us together.

He nodded his head and I let out the breath I was holding. I had to look deep into his eyes to make sure that he wasn't lying to me, but relief flooded my senses when I saw he was being sincere. He knew. "Yeah Kyle. I wasn't sure for a while ...constantly wondering when the other shoe was going to drop and you were going to end things for real. But slowly I could see your infatuation for Kevin lessen, day by day and the way you looked at him ...well I began to notice that you would look at me like that. And it was then I understood that you were beginning to see more than him. That there was a chance for us." He took a deep breath and looked away, probably trying to calm himself. I could see his hands shaking and covered them with my own. He turned back to face me and there was only happiness and peace on his face, reassuring me that he was in fact all right with things. That put my mind to rest. Leaning back I looked down at the food and as if on cue, my stomach growled loudly. "Lets get you fed baby. I'm sure that you've got a busy day ahead of you. We're meeting the guys at the club later... So you've got the whole day do to what you want."

I cut my pancakes and began eating, feeding Billy a bite while I myself would be chewing. They were the most delicious pancakes I'd have ever tasted and knew that this memory would forever be engraved in my mind. Not only had he never made breakfast in bed for someone, I'd never had it made for me. Midway through breakfast I stopped and laughed at the sight of Billy laying there, mouth wide open waiting for his next bite of food. "Wait a second. It's my fucking birthday!"

"Yeah ...." He responded looking at me strangely. "We've already established that fact. What, is old age already setting in."

"Well. If it's my birthday, then why the hell am I feeding you? Shouldn't you be feeding me?" I saw him giggle and blush before looking down at the plate which was now empty except for the last piece of pancake which I was about to give to him.

Shrugging, his eyes met mine again. "Well. Maybe you should have thought of that before. I mean, it's a little late now." He then opened his mouth again and gave me a look of impatience, sticking his tongue out. Groaning, I gave in and fed him the last piece, startled when he leaned up and pulled my face down. He covered my mouth, forcing my lips open with his tongue, transferring the pancake from his mouth to mine, finishing the kiss off with a loud smack of his lips. "How was that for feeding you baby." He growled, resulting in goose bumps all over my skin.

"Uh huh." I responded, a goofy smile on my face. At that point, I sure as hell didn't care.

By the time we were done eating, stopping to kiss and talk throughout the meal, it was nearly 10 am. I knew that he was taking me out for dinner that night, but other than that I had no set plans. According to what Billy had said earlier, we were meeting Nick and Kevin at the club for a celebration for the four of us, but that wouldn't be until a lot later ..probably around 11 p.m. or so. "What are your plans for the day?" I asked him, curious when I saw him tense up. There was something he wasn't telling me.

"Why baby? What do you wanna do?"

"Why? What are you doing? You look guilty." I stated, giving him the evil eye. It never fails, the evil eye. He always gets so nervous he blurts out whatever it is he's trying to hide. This time he seemed to be immune to it.

"Well it's your birthday, so whatever you want to do, we can do."

I didn't know how to tell him that I wanted to go out alone. There were some things I wanted to think about, things on my mind and I just needed to be alone to do that. I mean, it was my birthday and all, and I am getting older. There are just some things that I needed to clear out of my head before going forth with my life. Sighing I decided I just needed to be honest. "Well. Since it is my birthday I can do whatever I want right?" I waited for him to nod his agreement before continuing. "Would you mind if I took off for a while by myself? There are just some things I want to do and I have to do them alone."

His head cocked to the side and he looked perplexed. As if he was trying to figure something out. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah baby. Everything's perfect. I just want to be by myself for a bit. Maybe go down to the pier and relax. It's been an intense ride these past few years and ...well I just need to..."

He shook his head, causing me to stop talking. "You don't have to explain baby. That's perfect. I have to do some stuff as well. Birthday stuff." His eyes twinkled as he said that and I laughed. "So I was trying to figure out a way to ditch you too. So I'm going to clean this mess up while you shower and get dressed. And then I'm going to go home and do what I have to do. I'll call you when I get back home this afternoon." He said, kissing my forehead and clearing the tray away.

I was just getting out of the shower when Billy came back up to my bedroom, letting me know that he was leaving. "Aren't you going to take a shower?" I asked, looking at the sweats he was wearing.

"At home baby. I'm sure that if I take one here, things will lead to other things and then nothing will get done. Then it'll be nearly time to get ready for dinner, which will lead to going to the club and then the day has gone...."

With one last ditch try I strode over to him, letting my towel drop to the floor, leaving me naked and wet. And hard. "You sure baby? Nothing I could do would make you change your mind?"

He groaned and I saw a tent forming in his jogging pants. He must not have put on anything underneath. I could tell that he was having trouble sticking to his plan of not staying so I leaned in and licked his lips, my hand making it's way down to his erection which was nearly full grown. As soon as my hand made contact with his cock Billy jumped back and glared his eyes at me. "That's not fair. I'm gone baby. Miss me." Without even a kiss good-bye, he flew down the stairs and out the door to his car, yelling "I love you baby" and "call you later".

Now I was alone. With my thoughts. And the millions of feelings and emotions running through my head a mile a minute. Sighing, I picked the towel back up off of the floor and began drying myself off. It didn't take me long to get dressed, just pulling on a tee shirt and pair of jeans, slipping my feet into a pair of sandals and making my way downstairs. I walked into the kitchen just to see what type of mess Billy had made but was surprised that it was cleaner than when he'd started. Smiling, I remembered one of the million reasons I was in love with him. There was a bouquet of flowers on the counter with a few presents surrounding the vase. I picked up the note and read that the flowers were from Kevin and Nick and had been delivered while I was in the shower. I was to check my voice mail because there were some messages there for me and the presents had been delivered with the flowers, probably from Kevin and Nick as well.

I checked the messages and found that there were 7. The first from my mother who had called at 12:01 to wish her baby boy a happy birthday. The next few were from my older brother and my two younger sisters, all wishing me happy birthday as well. There was one from one of the kids at the office complaining about something or other than could wait until Monday but he just wanted to call and make sure I was aware ...blah blah blah. I deleted that one and laughed when the final two played. The first one was Nick, with Kevin yelling in the background. And then the final one was Kevin with Nick laughing hysterically in the background. They wished me a happy birthday and said they hoped I liked the first wave of gifts from the two of them. I looked at the four packages on the counter. There were going to be more? Those two were insane.

But I loved them.

More than I should.

And that's why I needed to be alone. To think. About me. Them. Billy. Us.

I opened the gifts to find cute little presents, probably picked out by Nick to make me laugh. They weren't really anything too expensive or meaningful but I loved them because they had given them to me. I thought about returning the calls...but then thought twice about it. If I started returning calls I'd be here all day and I didn't want to be stuck in the house talking to my family about shit they knew nothing about. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I love my parents and am thankful for everything they've done for me. And I love my brother and sisters, but they just had no idea who I was and what I'm about. And what they do know, they prefer to ignore. So ignoring the nagging sounds of my mother telling me to call, I grabbed my wallet, keys and a sweater and walked out my front door, locking it behind me.

I wasn't sure exactly where I was headed. Just somewhere. Anywhere. I found myself at the beach and smiled, wondering why I'd come here. I was never one that was all too impressed with the beach. It never holding a deep pull with me. I'd grown up here in Tampa my whole life and basically had taken the ocean for granted. But as I looked out at the water, the way the sun was shining so perfectly and beautifully, I could see Nick's face. I could hear his laugh. Smell the scent that was Nick, not something I could describe but knew well. Feel his arms around me.

I walked until I reached a row of benches and sat down, happy that there was no one else on the beach for miles. The last thing I wanted was loud kids and teenagers mulling around, distracting me. Sighing I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the hard wood. The first picture that filled my mind was that of Billy and I wondered how long that had been happening. I could remember a time that every time I'd closed my eyes, Kevin's face was first in my mind's eye. For 6 whole years. I couldn't see anything else. The thought of anyone else was unfathomable. But now? Now a year and a half later it was there, but just faded. Now it was Billy.

The night my life changed will forever be etched in my mind. In my heart. I had never even known what love was at that juncture in my life. At 20 I had pretty much led a normal life. Normal and sheltered. I'd gone to the best schools. Had the best of everything and basically was mama's perfect little boy. Well, at least my mama thought so. My brother is 3 years older than me and was the person that my parents wanted me to emulate. He played high school football and hockey while still getting a perfect 4.0 GPA. His girlfriend was the head cheerleader as well as president of the Student Council and together, they were Ken and Barbie. No joke. They were both perfect and had the all American dream. By the end of high school he had proposed to her and after discussing it with both sets of parents, had decided on a long engagement. Both were going to go to school, Michael going to medical school while Courtney went to become a teacher, wanting to give back to the system that encouraged her to do so much. And my parents decided that since Michael had done so well, that I would do the same. What they hadn't counted on a bisexual son who had a preference for men and kink. Domination. Rough sex. Pain. Everything they convinced themselves that was deviant and immoral. Not that we were highly catholic people. We weren't. But still, that just wasn't part of their plan.

They wanted me to go to medical school as well, but settled when I said I wanted to practice law. It wasn't a doctor but still a decent profession. So my parents, agreed to let me go to law school after graduation. They insisted that since we had more than enough money to pay for it, I go to Princeton, Harvard or somewhere else dignified, but I said that I didn't want that. Those type of people weren't who I was. I wanted a school that had a good programme but wasn't as upscale. We fought about it but ultimately Michael agreed that I should go where I was happy and that settled any debate. What Michael wanted, he got so I was allowed to go wherever I wanted to get my education.

School was school and I enjoyed it. It allowed me to meet a wider variety of people than had been at my high school. The same people I'd known my life and knew my brother and two younger sisters, who like Michael, excelled at everything they did. It was clear from a very young age that I was the oddball of the four Thomas children. But just how odd and different? They'd never find out. At least I was doing my best to make sure of that!

I can still remember the guy who had ultimately brought me to Fetish and indirectly changed my life. He was an upper-class student that I had met in the library. I had been studying for a test and wanted a break. I'd gone up to a section of the library that was not usually frequented and looking at the books there. The section was

focused on deviancy, specifically sexual deviancy. Now I know not all libraries have a section like this, but for some reason we did. I believe that there was a Psychology professor who taught this subject, and thus demanded a portion of the library apart from the rest for students to study without feeling awkward. It was there I had hidden myself on many occasions, drinking in all the knowledge I could on something I was too timid to actually experience. I'd heard of clubs you could go to for this type of thing, but had no one to confide my fears and curiosity in.

It was there that Gabriel had found me, mouth hanging open looking at pictures that haunted my dreams at night. We formed an instant bond then and there, and only weeks later he invited me to Fetish, hearing that it was absolutely hot. Me not being of age wouldn't be a problem, he'd find a way to get me in. And he did.

I told my parents I was going to be studying at his place all night and so I'd just end up sleeping there. They had no problems and so I went over to find that he'd picked out some clothes for me to wear, my jeans and tee shirt definitely not going to work. While I was changing, he pulled me close and kissed me. I'd never kissed a guy before and with that one kiss, any doubts of my sexual preferences vanished. I enjoyed kissing women, but kissing a man, feeling his strong chest against mine, his half hard cock pressing into my leg made me feel things I never thought was possible. At that point I'd only gotten my shirt off and after asking me if it was okay, he began to work his way down my body, licking and sucking at my skin with determination. Just when I thought I was going to cum, he stood up straight and looked me in the eye. "You see what I just did?"

I nodded mutely, unable to find the words.

"Do that to me. NOW." Accenting the harsh bark he twisted my nipple fiercely between his thumb and forefinger.

And right there I came. The force in his voice, the pain flowing through my body was more than I could handle and moaning, my body began to tremble and my boxers were sticky from my cum. And instantly, I knew what I wanted. What I craved. To be controlled. The pain. The domination. The power ...or lack there of.

We were at the club maybe half an hour before someone approached me and invited me upstairs. Gabe was already on the dance floor, between two men, his shirt ripped off and pants undone so I didn't think he'd miss me too much. I followed the beautiful woman up the stairs and gave them my name. So if I wanted to come back, all I'd have to do was tell them who I was and they'd let me in. But from the looks of me she'd said, they wouldn't be forgetting my face any time soon, so I wouldn't have to worry about that. I was too nervous to ask what she meant and followed her in, my eyes bulging out at what I saw happening. Everything I could possibly fantasize about, dream about was happening here. There was a complete sense of sexual freedom here and I was overwhelmed. I didn't know where to look first, what to do first. That was when I found myself at the bar, too worried about them finding out I was only 20 and not old enough to be there to order a drink. And that was where he found me.

Kevin.

He approached me asking if I was old enough to be there and I thought for sure I was going to be busted. Arrested and put into jail. When he saw that I was so worried, his eyes lightened and he told me he was joking. He smiled at me and I fell in love with him. I never even saw it coming, and before I could stop myself it was too late. We made idle chit chat for a short while until he asked me why I was there. I said to achieve ultimate sexual gratification. He asked me how, I said I liked to be dominated, and in a moment of boldness I said that I'd love to be dominated by him. Somehow my hand had made it's way to his cock which was hot and hard in my hand through his pants. He looked down and told me to suck it to which I didn't even have to think about it. Granted, I'd never done it before, but I was damned if I was going to let this opportunity go by without doing my best. I sucked him enthusiastically and when he came, I fought not to choke. Even if I wanted to pull away, he wouldn't let me, and so I was forced to drink his cum, his fingers holding my head in place. I'm still not sure what he was thinking after he finally pulled out of my mouth, slapping my forehead with his limp cock a few times, a twinkle in his eyes that made me proud. I'd gotten him off and he seemed satisfied.

When he tucked himself back in he looked down at my own erection, which was pressing tightly against the leather pants Gabe had lent me. "You want to cum Kyle?"
I nodded, my eyes fixed on his beautiful face. Those lips, those eyes, that jaw.

"Well too bad. You don't get off until I say so. You want to be dominated? You want to be my bitch?" He grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me towards a dark corner of the club so no one would bother us. Sitting down on a comfy chair, he pointed to the floor between his legs indicating that's where he wanted me. "So do you?" He asked, realizing I hadn't answered his questions.

I opened my mouth to say something and he shook his head. "I didn't say you could talk. Just nod your head yes or no. Do you want to be dominated? Do you want to be my bitch?"

I thought about this for a few minutes, wondering if I'd gotten myself in for more than I could handle. This was serious shit and that night was basically my experience in the homosexual sex. A kiss and a blow job. Both with two different men. Looking up I saw the excitement in his eyes, the curl of his upper lip and my choice

was made. I nodded.

"Good. You'll make for a fine bitch. So fucking sexy. And young. You're young aren't you?"

Again, I simply nodded.

"How old?"

I cocked my head to the side, wondering how to respond. Should I bark? 20 times? Would that be considered talking? I simply looked at him and jumped when he started laughing.

"It's okay Kyle. You can tell me how old you are."

"20" I whispered, my face reddening.

"Oh. You're older than I thought. Nick's only 16 you know. I don't think he would understand this place. I think it's too much for him still."

I remember at that time wondering who Nick was. I honestly wasn't into their music and this had been before they had really hit it big here in the States, so his mentioning of Nick threw me back. Was that his boyfriend? A friend? A lover? But the look that crossed Kevin's face when he mentioned Nick's name instantly sparked hate in me for him. Whoever he was, I didn't like him. If he could make Kevin look that wistful, so lovey he was definitely not a friend of mine. As if he realized he was rambling, Kevin stopped and had looked at me again.

"You're probably wondering who Nick is aren't you?"

I nodded.

"Don't worry about him. He's just someone who's in a group with me. A friend. He doesn't want me like that." And that was the end of our discussion about Nick. At that time. "So Kyle. Have you been with men before?"

Kevin never was one to beat around the bush. I blushed and he laughed.

"You can tell me. Tell me what your experience is."

"I've kissed a man before. He made me cum. And I've blown you. That's it."

"That's it? Wow... So you're a virgin?"

I shook my head, breaking eye contact with him. Instantly his hand was on my jaw, forcefully turning my head back so that I had to look at him.

"Don't do that. Ever. You will only look away when I tell you. I own you now."

I nodded to show him that I understood.

"Now. You're not a virgin?"

"No Kev.."

"Master. You will call me Master Richardson from now on."

"No Master Richardson." I now realized the full extent of this 'game' and found that my cock was throbbing mercilessly now. No matter how harshly he treated me, I was aroused beyond belief by it. That was what was getting me harder. "I have slept with women before. Just not men."

"So you're a virgin in this respect then."

"Yes."

Kevin seemed to think about that for a few minutes before turning back to me. "I need to think about it. What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked, caressing my cheek tenderly.

"Whatever you like Master."

That caused a laugh from him and he pulled me up. "Do you know where the Grille on Fifth is?"

"Yeah. I've been there before."

"Excuse me?" He barked, pinching my nipple through my shirt, twisting it roughly.

"I'm sorry Master Richardson. I do know where that is." I yelped, doing my damnedest not to cum. I didn't think he'd appreciate that.

"Good. Be there at noon. We have much to discuss." With that he had stood up and pulled me close, covering my mouth with his own. We kissed for a few minutes until he'd sucked my tongue into his mouth and bit down on it hard, causing me to yelp out and jump. That one last bite of pain was my final straw and I came violently, my knees giving out. Kevin had grabbed my waist to steady me, looked down at my groin and laughed. "We're going to have to do something about that kid." He murmured before steadying me and walking away.

I shivered as a gust of wind broke me out of my memory. That night opening up my world from it's black and white to shades of brilliant colours. That was the day I'd been reborn, my whole world changing. Pulling my sweater tighter around my body, I settled back again, to let the memories flood over me again.

I had made sure I was at the Grille on Fifth at exactly noon the next day, my hands shaking profusely, my stomach a ball of nerves. I knew that Kevin would never hurt me. I'd seen something in his eyes that let me know I could trust him with my life and that made things easier. But I was still nervous. He was already there, sipping a glass of red wine while reading something, his glasses perched on his nose. When I approached, I cleared my throat and felt my stomach flip when he looked up at me, those green eyes more beautiful than I'd remembered, that grin enough to make me weak. "Kyle. I'm so glad you could make it."

"I said I would be here."

"So you did."

At first the conversation had been awkward, neither of us knowing what to say. Finally he spoke. "If you've changed your mind ....if last night was too much for you I will understand." He said calmly.

"I'm here aren't I?" I had no idea where my strength came from.

He took a deep breath and looked away. "Are you sure? Things are a little more complicated than what happened last night. I mean, all you did was ...." He blushed and looked around at the close proximity of the other patrons and looked back at me. "Well..."

"Kevin? Why don't we enjoy our lunch and then we can go somewhere else to talk about this. Somewhere that we can fully discuss it." I had suggested, wanting nothing more than to get him alone. I had hoped with all hopes that if I got him alone, he would continue where we left off last night.

He agreed and we'd finished lunch, the mood considerably lightened. We found ourselves back at Fetish and he took me to the bar downstairs. He poured us both a drink and there we'd discussed everything. I assured him countless times that I wanted whatever he was offering. I craved to be controlled and wanted it to be him that controlled me. He would give me scenarios of what might be expected of me and with each one I was eagerly nodding my head, letting him know it was all right with me. At one point he laughed and said I was like a little Puppy, eager to please his master.

And thus the name Puppy was borne.

The rules were this.

In the club, I called him Master Richardson.
I did not speak until spoken to.
I only came after he himself had and only with permission.
I would do whatever he told me to without insolence
Insolence would be punished.

Outside of the club the rules were different. There were no rules. We were equals and everything that happened in the club remained there.

All the other details of our expectations were discussed, as well as limits and boundaries. I told him what I liked and didn't like and he told me the same. We had established signals if things were getting too out of control and promised that we would both abide by those signals. Once something happened that one of us didn't want, things would end immediately. No hard feelings.

Thinking about that and looking out at the numerous boats that had taken sail since I'd sat down on the bench, I realized that not once have either of us ever needed to use those signals. In 7 years we have never had any type of problem. I find that absolutely amazing.

Going back to my memories I remember the conversation we'd had after the rules and boundaries had been set. He asked me about my life, about my experiences. I told him everything about me. How I'd suspected at

15 I was bisexual, finding not only my girlfriend Mary at the time attractive, but her older brother as well. He had been 17 and the first boy I had a crush on. Mentioning to Mary that I thought her brother was cute too, she told me I was sick and broke up with me, promising she wouldn't tell anyone what I had told her. But it had been more for her sake than mine, her not wanting anyone to know that her boyfriend was a 'fag' and liked boys.

I then told him about my brother and twin sisters Alica and Morgan and my parents. How my father was one of the top Neurosurgeons in the Southwest and my mother was a highly reputable Psychiatrist. Our family was disgustingly wealthy and just as snobby. We talked about my resentment to the way my family took things for granted and how I was considering just writing them all off. Cutting off the payments to my tuition from my father, since there were too many strings involved and it wasn't worth it. I had no idea why I was telling him all of this, but it felt good. I knew he wasn't judging me and he genuinely seemed to care. When we'd finished talking about me, I asked him about his life and now it was his turn.

He told me of his family, his brothers, his father who was deathly sick and the pressures of the group. How he knew that something was wrong with their management and record company but there was no proof and he didn't' want to approach any of the other guys about it to worry them. He was the big brother and he had to be the one to take care of them. Looking back now, it's amazing at just how right Kevin had been. It was just a shame that it took so long for them to fully see what Lou and their management was doing to them behind their backs.

I think that first day we talked for about 12 hours. I didn't get home until well after 1 am and couldn't remember ever being that satisfied. That complete.

They were still trying to be recognized here in the states early after we'd met, so Kevin was around for a lot of the time. We would only really go to the club on Saturday nights, sometimes on a Friday night as well. But I cherished every minute that I got to spend with him. He was very demanding and rough on me, but I think he did it to help me. He didn't coddle me and I respect him greatly for it. His biggest concern was my virginity. I had never actually fucked or been fucked by a guy before and he didn't want to push things. He wanted my first time to be special and I remember that it was more than that. It was magical. It was a week after we had met and I went to his house late one night. I asked him to be my first and he argued that the first time should be with someone you love and I told him that there was no one else I wanted it to be with more than him. Finally he relented and he showed me everything. Everything that I would need to know about pleasing him, inside the club and outside as well as helped me to find what I myself liked. And that night, tangled in Kevin's limbs while he slept, I vowed that no one would ever come close to what he meant to me.

We got together at least once a week for lunch so we could talk about things that were happening with us. He would tell me about recording and I would tell him how school was. Whenever I had a big test at school and I did exceptionally well, I would go to the club that Saturday night and find little presents for me in my quarters. All from Kevin as congratulatory gifts for doing so well.

He would go away every once in a while for promotional tours, and those I remember were the worst. Of course, they were good for me because I knew that I was letting my feelings for him cloud the rest of my life. Where before I met him, I would date every now and then, I had stopped that entirely. Even when attractive men approached me, I would always measure them up to my feelings for Kevin and turn them down, saying that I wasn't looking for anything right then. Where my social life dwindled, my school work excelled beyond anything I'd ever expected. I knew how proud of me Kevin was and I worked hard to please him. To see that smile directed for me and that warm embrace I knew would follow.

His birthday came around quite quickly and I couldn't believe a year had passed. A whole year. That year was filled with a mixture of emotions for me. Kevin and I had become closer outside of the club, but it still mainly was platonic. We weren't sexually involved outside of the club, which frustrated me to no end. I loved hanging out with him, hearing him talk about life on the road and all the wonderful opportunities that were opening for the group, but I wanted him to love me like I loved him. I know I never told him that I loved him, but I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear. He was in love with Nick.

Nick Carter.

His youngest band mate.

And one day when I had seen them on MTV I was stunned silent. I was furious. I was disgusted.

He looked more like me than Michael did.

And everything fell into place. He was using me to get what he couldn't have. He was using me because Nick didn't want him. And what made me cry hardest was that I loved him too much to stop it.

The day of his birthday he had called me and said that he wanted to get together with me. To celebrate his birthday and our anniversary. Stunned silent at the word 'anniversary' I agreed, forgetting how angry I was. But by the time we'd met up with one another I had remembered.

I remember blowing up at him, asking him what the fuck he was doing with me when it was Nick he wanted. Up until that time, we hadn't really talked about Nick. How much he loved him. Wanted him. Needed him. Blah fucking blah. So he screamed at me telling me I didn't know what I was talking about and I screamed back and by the time we were done screaming our chests were heaving and we were both crying.

He reached out for me and I flinched, pulling away quickly. "Kyle. Please.." He begged. I didn't want to hear it. Couldn't look into those green eyes and fall into his spell. "Please ...look at me." He sniffled and I couldn't help but look. The pained expression on his face set off another round of tears for me and I relented, falling into his arms.

"Don't hate me. Please." He begged further as we rocked back and forth on his bed, laying down wrapped in each other's arms. It was then he told me the whole story. Of him and Nick. How he was convinced he had been straight until he met the younger kid. And I remember thinking kid because he had been one. He'd been 13 when Kevin met him and was a child. Still was a child at that point, only 17. Up until that point, the point where Kevin broke my heart and told me he was in love with Nick and knew that it would never be reciprocated, I had been planning on telling him that I loved him. Was in love with him. But seeing the depth of the emotion on his face, the pain in his eyes I knew there was no point. Now, thinking back? I don't know if I made the right decision in keeping it from him but I do know that I wouldn't change a thing.

That was the second time we made love outside of the club and little did I know it wouldn't be the last. I was certain that in the morning, he would realize the mistake he'd made. That I wasn't Nick and never would be. But that wasn't the case. I woke up to him staring down at me, a small smile playing on his lips. "You're so beautiful when you sleep." He had said before leaning down and kissing me softly. "And I know you aren't Nick. I don't want you to be him. I want you to be you."

I had nodded my head slightly, confused as to what this all meant and I think he instantly understood my confusion. "I'm not saying that I don't love him any less. I'm in love with him and that's not something I can change. But I am just saying I have feelings for you too."

As he had said that, I was thinking the same in my head. I remember thinking 'Well Kevin, this doesn't mean I don't love you any less. I'm in love with you and I'll do whatever it takes to keep you close to me. Even if it is living in the shadow of a pretentious child who doesn't know what he's giving up. What he's wasting.'

But ultimately, we both knew where we stood. It had been a year and there were good times to follow, as well as rough ones. Pretty soon after his birthday that year they blew up across North America. Everyone suddenly knew who the Backstreet Boys were and loved them. They released their CD and were touring 12 months a year. They barely got time off and so that had put the club in a bit of an awkward position. Kevin couldn't run it from the road, but couldn't not be on the road. It was then that he decided that Derrick would have to run the club for him. Kevin managed to fly back at least once a month for the first while, I remember those trips became more infrequent. The longest period of time I had gone without hearing from him was 4 months I think. And honestly, it tore me apart. He would phone to talk to Derrick, finding out how things were going but never once did I get a phone call. In retrospect, it was probably for the best. That was around the time I was graduating from school and needed to focus on that. I was doing an apprenticeship at a high end law firm that let me know that once I had graduated, a spot was available for me there. I of course would have to work hard to show the partners that hiring a lawyer straight out of school, just passing the BAR was wise, but they had confidence that I would excel.

I remember my graduation vividly as well. My parents there, obnoxious as usual and as I scanned the crowd, I felt an overwhelming disappointment when I didn't see those familiar eyes watching me. I heard the Dean call for the Valedictorian to approach the podium to give their speech and on shaky legs, I stood up and walked over, willing my nerves to calm down. I was about midway through my speech when I looked over to the side of the stage and leaning coolly against a tree my eyes locked with a pair of emerald green eyes that haunted my mind relentlessly and I nearly faltered. To everyone else, it looked as though I was taking an emotional break, pausing for effect, but in reality, I was trying to catch my breath. He had come. He had flown in from Canada, where I knew they were at the moment since I had memorized their tour schedule, to see my graduation and I couldn't' help but shed a few tears. I managed to get through the final few paragraphs and wish everyone the best of luck on their future endeavors. The rest of the ceremony was a blur since my eyes were locked with Kevin's the entire time. The pride on his face was apparent and I couldn't wait to be done so I could thank him for everything. For just being him and making everything worth it. He had waited until my parents took all their pictures and said that they would see me at home, knowing that I'd want to celebrate with my friends. Yep, there would be celebrating, but not with my friends. With Kevin. All night long. He has whisked me away to his place and made me dinner, gave me graduation presents and proceeded to make love to me all night long, apologizing profusely about how little he'd kept in contact. He'd been busy.

With Nick.

I didn't find that out until the next day, but it still knocked the wind out of me. Apparently sometime during the past 7 months he and Nick had started discussing sexuality and sex. Nick was seeing some "skanky whore bitch" as Kevin had refereed to her as, named Mandy. But he wasn't sure if he was only attracted to women.

There were a few guys that he had noticed as well and found himself reacting to. And apparently AJ had snuck a few movies into their room one night and one happened to have one part where a guy was jerking off and Nick found himself getting hard watching it. Just the man jerking off. He'd been freaked out and flew from the room, running into Kevin. Kevin told me that he and Nick had sat down and discussed it all and Nick admitted that he might be bisexual. So Kevin had been keeping close to him in case he needed to talk. Again, my hate for the blonde bitch grew. Of course I never told Kevin how jealous of Nick I was. How much I hated him.

And that's how things went. Kevin was on the road for most of the time only visiting every once in a while. Of course we would definitely make up for it when he did return but it didn't make the time go faster in between visits. Sometimes on a Thursday afternoon, a UPS envelope would be delivered to my office and inside I would find a plane ticket and a note that Kevin couldn't wait to see me. I would never turn it down and after work on Friday I would go to the airport and fly to whatever city Kevin was in, checking into a room he reserved for me in the same hotel he was in. And there he would decorate my room in red silk sheets, dark lights and candles lit everywhere, a table of various sex toys set up next to the bed. As soon as I entered the room I knew that this was our 'Fetish' away from home and we would do whatever Kevin needed to get him through to the next visit home.

It worked for both of us. I was too busy at work at that time to have a relationship, even if I had have wanted one and this kept my libido in check. I was slowly making a name for myself at the office and was being recommended for larger cases, sometimes even requested by clients.

The group was doing better than they had ever thought and Kevin had a way to deal with his repressed sexual feelings towards Nick, who day by day was changing into a man that even I couldn't deny was beautiful. It didn't mean I didn't hate him though. I did.

And every year, no matter where Kevin was. What he was doing, on his birthday, our anniversary we found a way to see each other. I would fly in at both of our earliest convenience and we would find a way to be together. We would exchange presents and then spend the night making love, to one another. The domination and control relinquished. I think that it made things more special for me, these annual unions. His birthday was different than any other time we got together just because it was slow and tender then. That was only saved for special occasions. October 3rd, my graduation, when they won their first award, when their CD sold over a million copies the first time. Events like that. No one was more proud of him than I was, and not once did my love or devotion falter for him.

I felt someone join me on the bench and I jerked to attention, looking at the woman who had sat down. She was smiling at me, sizing me up and I felt myself blush at her intense gaze. "Hi. I'm Julie."

"Hi. Kyle." I answered amazed at how straightforward she was.

"Beautiful day isn't it?" She asked, looking out at the water.

"Gorgeous." I agreed.

"Aww. Thanks." She winked, laughing playfully. I couldn't help but laugh alongside her. Her disposition was infectious. If I wasn't so wrapped up in my own thoughts today, wanting to be alone I might actually have enjoyed the distraction. She seemed genuinely friendly and sweet, so different than most of the other women that approached me. Not that I'm being cocky, I'm not. But a lot of women come on to me on a daily basis, all looking for one thing. A good fuck by a hot guy. I mean hell, I do look like Nick Carter!

"Cute." I said leaning back against the bench.

"Well aren't we full of compliments. First gorgeous then cute. Why Kyle, I'd think you were trying to pick me up." Again she flashed me an exaggerated wink and nudged me with her elbow, her hair flying in the breeze around her face. If I wasn't so in love with Billy, Nick and Kevin, I think I would have been seriously attracted to her. But one more person in the mix definitely was asking for more trouble than I could handle.

We both laughed at how flustered she got me and I rolled my eyes, turning away. "I was told to bring you this." She said, thrusting an envelope to me.

"What?"

"Some hot guy asked if I would deliver this to you. So here you go. Happy Birthday sweetie." she said, leaning in and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Did he say anything else?" I asked, recognizing Nick's handwriting on the envelope.

"Well. I had made some comment on how cute you were and how I'd do more than deliver the envelope, that I could rock your world." I blushed as she said that and looked down the beach, trying to see if he was still

there. "But he said that there was a long line up of folks wanting to rock your world tonight so... I shouldn't hold my breath. And then he said something about your boyfriend being the only one to be rocking anything ..." She shrugged and pouted. "So I'll have to save it for the wet dreams I'll be having tonight about you!"

I was shocked at her last sentence and looked up at her smiling face. "Nick was right. You do blush easily. Damn. This is fun." She giggled.

"You know Nick?" I asked. She spoke of him so calmly and I figured that she wasn't just anyone that he'd run into on the beach. I would have heard her screaming from miles.

"Do I know Nick? Shit. Where do you think they get most of their toys for the club? I own a shop nearby called Unmentionable Pleasures. Those two are our best customers." She said, standing up and stretching. "Nick was by the store today and heard from your sweetie that you'd gone off to think today. He knew you would be down here and gave me an envelope to give you. He said it would give you something to think about."

"Well. Thank you. I'm sure you had other things to do than deliver a letter from him."

"Yeah. Because it's such a chore. Beautiful sunny day. Warm weather. Amazing view of the ocean. Two hot blondes! Real better things to do." She said sarcastically. She then flashed me a smile that made my pulse quicken and I knew why Nick and she were friends. She was beautiful, and Nick was never one to not appreciate beauty. "Happy Birthday Kyle." She began to walk away and once she'd gotten a few feet away she turned again. "Don't be a stranger gorgeous. Stop in any time."

I waved and laughed as she walked down the path towards the direction she said her store was at. I turned the envelope in my hand a few times and decided to read it later. I'm sure that whatever Nick had to say would definitely interrupt everything I was working for and I needed a clear head.

Nick.

Instantly his face flashed in my mind. His smile and eyes bright and if I tried, I could see him standing directly in front of me. The man who was responsible for my heart breaking as well as mending. It was because of him that I was denied the one thing I had ever wanted in my life. But it was because of him that I'd found the thing that completed me. And in all that, I realized that he wasn't the awful person I'd had made him out to be. It didn't matter how great Kevin said he was, how special how sweet, how sensitive how everything. No matter what Kevin said, I didn't care. He was a selfish, egotistical, ungrateful asshole. At least I felt that he was. I think the more that Kevin talked about him, the more I hated him.

I thought back to 2 years ago. 5 years after I'd met Kevin. So much had changed by then except one thing. I still hated Nick Carter. They were on break in between CDs deciding what they wanted to do. The Black and Blue Tour had just ended and now it was all up in the air on what was going to happen. A greatest hits CD was going to be released at some point and a long needed vacation was in order. So Kevin had come back to Fetish and things were like they had been in the early days. Of course, the club had gone through some major changes in structure and practices. Only a limited amount of people were allowed up in the Lair and they all had their duties. I was still Kevin's pet. His only pet. And I had signority over everyone. Except Kevin of course. But he had his 'three'. They were The Three that he called upon to do various things for him. They had all been chosen by Kevin while he had been on a mini vacation about a year before and they were beneath me but above the other 'servants'. He had Adam, David and Benjamin. All very beautiful and eager to please. Kevin had about two dozen servants beneath the four of us and the first while he was home was spent in celebration that he was finally home for an extended period of time.

But then one night he and Nick had been talking and Nick had finally come to the conclusion that he was tired of everything. Tired of lying to himself and everyone else about who and what he was. He'd broken up with Mandy quite some time before and was going from girl to girl, looking for something but not finding it. Kevin had taken him out one night and they had had a no holds barred heart to heart where Nick admitted that he was looking to settle down, and he was thinking that perhaps what he wanted was a man. He didn't know for sure who that man was, but he was indeed looking.

It was then that we began to prepare for Nick's arrival. I helped out as much as possible, doing whatever it was that Kevin wanted of me. But I didn't like it. In fact, I hated it and it made me miserable. Not that I would have let him know that. We were on constant watch to pick servants for Nick, building him up a small but respectable group of men and women. We first started with his 'three' since he himself would pick his own pet. Kevin immediately spotted Christopher and began training him as he had myself, Adam, David and Benjamin. I believe it was Adam that found Andrew. They were friends and he had found that Andrew was interested in S&M. One night he invited Andrew to the club and Kevin put him to the test. An agreement was made and he was recruited.

I jerked back to reality when my next memory hit me. It was something that I'd obviously forgotten up until this point and made so much sense to me now. 2 years later. I had been downstairs, allowed to play and find the final of the three. Kevin had sent me down with strict orders that I wasn't allowed back up into the Lair until I'd found someone suitable for his Nick.

"His Nick." I'd mumbled as I slammed the door and stomped down the stairs, cursing both Nick and Kevin equally. By the time I'd reached the bar, Colin had leaned over and handed me a drink a sexy smile on his face. "What's this Colin?" I hadn't asked for a drink.

He nodded towards the Lair and smiled. "You're to watch your manners pet. Unless you are looking to be punished. Don't ever slam the door and stomp down those stairs like a child. If you want, he'll treat you like one. And you sure as hell don't want that."

I looked up and saw Kevin watching me from the balcony, a stern look on his face. Shrinking down I swallowed the drink and looked at Colin apologetically. "Tell him I'm sorry."

Colin had only nodded and picked up the phone, relaying the message to Kevin. It was seconds before he had returned to me. "He says that's better. Now go and find a third and be quick about it." I looked up at Kevin and saw him nod. He then nodded his head at Colin who was still standing in front of me. I knew what he expected of me.

"Thank you Colin." I whispered before leaning in and softly kissing his mouth. He kissed me back for a few moments before we both pulled away. Softly he whispered. "Now go, before he gets angry."

Everyone at the club was aware of Kevin's wrath. Hell, we're still aware of it. That definitely hasn't changed. At that point all I could think of was finding someone, anyone and bringing them up to Kevin. I didn't care who it was as long as he was pleased with me. I think I was downstairs for maybe an hour before I saw him. My reaction to him surprised me. He was the first person in 5 years to make me forget about my love for Kevin. Even for a second I had stood captivated by him, unable to move. He was sitting in a chair, eyes vacant and bored while a girl on her knees sucked him off. I instantly recognized the look on his face, a look I knew quite well. At least I had known it. But that was before Fetish. That was in my other lifetime. It was the same look I used to get when my girlfriend Heather used to give me blow jobs. I think I was about 18 or 19 at the time and trying to maintain a normal lifestyle for my parents sake. I couldn't tell her that she did nothing for me physically, that I knew it was a man that I wanted to be with. So I didn't tell her. We would have sex and I would use images of other men to get me hard, and then picture gay porn that I'd bought and hidden, to be able to fuck her. It wasn't fair to either of us really, but at the time I wasn't sure what else to do. But that was the exact same look that this guy had on his face. But even so, he was absolutely beautiful. Short dark hair, beautiful eyes and an angelicly beautiful face. I felt myself get hard and simply stood there, watching this girl suck him furiously, not even realizing he wasn't exactly enjoying the performance. I was nearly about to walk over to him and push her aside, showing him what a good blow job was but before I could I felt someone behind me, wrapping their arms around me. Instantly I'd known it was Kevin and a wave of guilt washed over me. Not that he had noticed. "Puppy? Is that him? Do you like him?" He whispered in my ear, his fingers drawing patterns on my bare stomach.

I could do no more than nod, my breath still caught in my throat.

"He's beautiful no? You've been watching him for 20 minutes. Just standing there."

When he's said 20 minutes I turned to face him. I didn't believe that. It felt like seconds. He must have seen the disbelief in my eyes and chuckled. "It's true pet. I saw you stop and waited for you to keep moving. But you didn't. You stood right there and remained still. So I put on a shirt and shoes to come down here." I looked up at him with confusion and then back at the guy on the chair, surprised to see him more animated. I turned to see what he was staring at and felt my cock twitch at the sight. A man was sitting only a few feet away from him, jerking off. Their eyes were locked on one another. The second the man masturbating came, shooting on my beautiful man's chest, he came, his head thrown back and face scrunched up tight.

Kevin placed a soft kiss on my shoulder and walked to the bar, grabbing a wet cloth. He walked over and handed it to the man allowing for him to clean up before pulling him to his feet. I had been so intrigued by him that I wasn't too far behind, practically on Kevin's heels. "What's your name kid?" Kevin asked forcefully.

"Ummm.. Huh?" He was still visibly shaken by his orgasm.

"Your name?"

"William."

"Did you like that? A girl sucking you off like that?" Kevin had asked and I knew he was testing William.

He shrugged as he looked at the girl who was still sitting there, watching.

"Is that what got you off?"

William shook his head, a faint blush covering his cheeks.

"Did he get you off? The guy jerking off for you and then on you? Did you like someone cumming on you?" Kevin questioned him, trailing his fingers down William's chest to the crotch of his pants.

William nodded, biting his lip seductively, his hips thrusting into Kevin's hands.

"Do you like to be dominated?"

"I ...I've never..."

"Would you like to? Be someone's bitch? Have a man own you like no one else before?" I moaned at the tone of Kevin's voice, knowing that sound quite well. It never failed to make me harder than hell. Well that had caught their attention and both men looked at me. My eyes had caught William's and something passed between us. He averted his gaze to Kevin's and smiled. "Yes. Teach me. Teach me to submit and please."

And Kevin had. William had seemed to take a greater interest than any before him, genuinely interested in Kevin's lessons. Once we had gotten back up to the Lair, I'd lost most of my interest in William and I believe that is why I'd forgotten about my instant attraction to him. I still felt a little guilty for betraying my love for Kevin like that and put the other man out of my head. The next few months were dedicated to training the three. Kevin felt that it wouldn't be long before Nick had decided to join us at Fetish. As excited as Kevin was for that day, I dreaded it.

I remember him telling me that Nick had been asking a lot of questions around that time. Wondering why Kevin was always busy on Saturday nights. I couldn't make it any other night due to work commitments. I was working on a really difficult case and was spending upwards of 16 hours a day at the office and Saturday was the only night I could definitely be there. Now it's funny actually, the difference in me inside the club and outside. I won't lie, I'm a tough Lawyer. When I'm in a courtroom I hold no punches and am in complete control. No one takes advantage of me and I always have to have the upper hand. I think that is why I have a hard time keeping assistants. I am a control freak and everything has to be done the way I want it when I want it. I am everything that I'm not while in Fetish. I think that is why it is as exciting to me as it is. Within those walls, I don't have to be in control. Someone else has that pleasure and I can just allow myself to be manipulated and used for someone else's pleasure. I think in a way, it's the opposite for Kevin. With the record label, the group and management he has no control. They hold his future in their hands and he is powerless. But inside the club, he's the one with the power and that's why he enjoys it so much. It truly is a perfect relationship for us.

But anyways, back to Nick. He had been asking a lot of questions about Kevin's activities and was getting more curious and less satisfied with the vague answers Kevin was giving him. So finally Kevin told me that he'd had enough. He said that if Nick was half the man he pretended to be, he would come down to Fetish and prove it.

So Nick had.

I was late to the club that night. I'd been at the office longer than usual and lost track of time. Forgetting that Nick was supposed to be there, I took my time getting down there and as soon as I walked into the club, I could feel the difference in the air. Not wanting to anger Kevin further, I had rushed up the back way to the Lair and snuck into my quarters, changing as fast as I could. The timing was perfect. Kevin had just asked where I was and I rushed in, stopping only to drop to my knees and crawl the remainder of the way to his lap. I crawled up and began kissing him, stopping only when he informed me that we had a visitor. A guest. Nick. "Aren't you happy to see him Puppy?" Kevin asked and I knew I had to answer him. I didn't want to because he wouldn't like what I had to say, and I couldn't lie to him so I didn't say anything. He asked again and then laughed, assuring me that it was going to be okay. That Nick wasn't going to take my place, but have a pet of his own. I knew he expected me to greet the blonde properly so I did what I had to and crawled up on the bed, licking and sucking at his skin finally kissing him on the mouth.

Putting my fingers to my lips, I can still remember what he tasted like that first kiss. He tasted sweeter than I had ever imagined he would and instantly understood what it was that Kevin loved so much about him. He was beautiful. And he was kissing me back.

That pissed me off more than anything. Made me hate him even more, but even less at the same time. To say I had been confused was an understatement. I watched the three manipulate Nick while I pleased Kevin. Nick went through his initiation passing with excellence. Like we expected anything less of him. Hell, he was fucking perfect. He was Nick Carter.

But in his induction, I saw the love he had for Kevin. And it wasn't new love. It was the look of love that had been growing for years. Looking at Nick, I wasn't sure if he even realized how he was looking at Kevin. It was the same look I'm sure I gave the older man and I realized that all this time I had been hating him for putting Kevin through hell, it was possible he was going through his own hell.

Checking my watch I notice that it's nearly 2 o'clock. I've been here almost 3 hours. I can feel my stomach growling and figure that a little snack will tide me over until Billy and I go for dinner later. Nick's always talking

about this amazing diner nearby so I might as well go there. Get something to eat. I order a double cheese burger, order of cheese fries and a chocolate shake. I'm sure that Kevin and Billy will freak out on the amount of fat and shit that's in it, but Nick will be proud. And hell, it's my birthday. I might even have some chocolate cake for desert.

Again, I remember those first few months that Nick came to the club and things are so much clearer to me now. I spent a lot of that time hoping that Nick would leave, that things wouldn't work between Kevin and him, but at the same time I found myself distancing away from them. And closer to Billy. We began to talk a lot more, and it wasn't until he had come into my office that we really became friends. His advertising firm was having some legal problems and he had come over looking for an estimate on things. His appointment was with me and at first we were shocked to see one another. It had taken a little while for the awkwardness to wear off and from there we got to talking. Nick and Kevin were just about to go on a promo tour for the greatest hits CD and would be gone for 6 months.

We talked a lot at first, neither really wanting to go further than that. He was having some issues that he didn't want to talk about, surrounding Nick I had supposes, and I was still crazy in love with Kevin so we would meet for coffee or dinner and just talk. I think about a month after they'd been gone was when we first kissed, Billy and I. I'd just dropped him off from a movie we'd gone to see and walked him to his door. Without even thinking, I'd pulled him close and kissed him, surprised when I didn't feel bad about it. I'd been thinking about Kevin less and less and Billy more and more. He invited me in and we spent the night talking and kissing, not letting anything go further than that. The next date, two days later was a whole other story. We both agreed that we had baggage that we had to deal with, but understood that we were adults and could handle whatever was happening. That night was the first time since I'd met Kevin that I had slept with someone other than Kevin outside the Fetish walls. The first few times were rushed and frantic, hot and passionate. But after that we'd slowed down and took the time to learn each others bodies. I don't think we left Billy's house for days. It was wonderful, beautiful and confusing. Kevin and Nick returned home about 2 weeks after that and it was then that we told them that we were dating. They both were genuinely happy for us and I think that bothered me. Kevin didn't seem affected in the least. Didn't at all seem to care.

It's then that I'm surprised that Billy didn't just up and leave me. I mean, if he had have done the same thing, I don't know if I could have been as understanding. I was falling in love with him, but I tried to stop it. The day he told me he loved me, that he was in love with me I was ecstatic. I wanted to tell him that I loved him too. But I couldn't. Deep down I think I still had this idea that Kevin would change his mind and figure out that I loved him. And I ignored the fact that Nick knew how I felt about Kevin. I could tell he knew. I mean, everyone must have been able to tell. It was written all over my face, in my actions. And I always expected him to say something, to do something about it. But he never did. He seemed to accept it and didn't begrudge me at all. That confused me as well. If it were me, I'd have had him gone in 2 seconds flat, but he just let it go. Didn't get upset when Kevin and I would get together, when we would play or whatever up in the club.

And I think that was when I started to fall in love with him too. He would do things for me that he didn't have to do. But wanted to. That summer was a long summer for me. It was one of the best summers as well as the worst summers, all wrapped up in one. We all started hanging out together more, outside of the club as well as inside. I remember the day that Billy and Nick kissed, out on that boat. It was perfect and they both looked genuinely surprised when they pulled back. Anyone could have seen the connection the two of them had, the emotion that was there. I had turned around to see Kevin watching as well, a smile on his face. He pulled me down to the lower level of the boat and asked if I was okay with that. Billy and Nick kissing. I thought about it seriously and realized I was. He had laughed, looking relieved. It was then that he pulled me close and kissed me, letting his tongue dance over mine. "I don't know what's going on between the four of us. And I don't know if it's healthy. But there are times when we just have to see where life takes us. And I think that life is about to take us on a fucking unbelievable ride."

I'd rested my forehead on his and smiled. "Kevin. The past 6 years has been a fucking unbelievable ride."

It was at that point that I slowly started to let Kevin go. Perhaps that isn't accurate. It wasn't that I'd let him go per se, I just let others in. I talked to Nick a lot more and got to know him better. I needed that and I think it helped. That and the constant fighting that Billy and I did. Nick and Kevin didn't know a lot of what went on while they were gone and we weren't too eager to tell them seeing that a lot of it was because of them. But as we fought I got a sense that everything was okay. If Billy would get mad at me, it showed that he still cared and thought we were worth fighting for. I shudder for the day that he just gives up without a fight, for that will be the day that I know he's given up on me. Thankfully that will never happen, because I know now that I will do everything in my power to prevent that.

I saw what it did to Kevin and Nick and don't think I could go through that with Billy. It was hard enough to watch them in so much pain. I think that was the absolute worst 11 days of my life and pray that nothing like that ever happens again. To them or us. Although, it did bring the four of us closer together and allowed for all insecurities and unresolved issues to be dealt with. I'm sure next time we'll do it without the drama involved, and Nick taking off to Mexico without telling anyone where he was going.

Sighing I stand up and throw my money on the table, completely full and satisfied. Nick was right, this place is amazing. It's definitely somewhere I'll have to come again. It's a far cry from the bistros and cafes that I'm

forced to eat in every day on my lunch. This place has character, something my posh office is lacking.

Mexico. The Dominican Republic. Damn. As I begin to make the walk back to my car, I remember the mini vacation that Nick arranged for Billy and I. It was supposed to be their refuge, a time to get back to good after their almost break up. But Kevin had mentioned that he was afraid Billy hated him and Nick wanted everything resolved before they returned to the states. So Billy and I packed up and joined them, turning a three day visit into a week and a half. I'd dropped Billy off at the Villa so he and Kevin could talk and went down to the pond where I knew Nick would be relaxing. We sat there for a few minutes and it amazed me at how vulnerable and young Nick could appear at times. How he would get these moments of insecurity and look so frightened that you just wanted to hold him and protect him from the world. That's how he looked when I arrived. Unsure if I hated him for just up and leaving like that. Leaving Kevin devastated and heart broken. And then in an instant he will be that controlling man that made men and women alike weak in the knees, wanting to do anything to please him. Or throttle him. I'd wanted to throttle him. "Why didn't you tell him? You had 6 years?" He'd asked and instantly we were having the conversation I'd tried for so long to avoid. He wanted to know why I hadn't told Kevin I was in love with him. How was I supposed to tell him that he was the reason! I remember how nervous and afraid of him I was. And I knew I had no reason to be either. I guess it was just nervous habit. We talked about our feelings for Kevin and Billy and finally about each other. I was probably more surprised than him when I confessed that somehow, somewhere along the way I'd fallen in love with him too, making things even more confusing. I told him that I love Billy more than anything and wouldn't do anything to fuck that up. And I wouldn't. Still to this day. But there was just this overwhelming connection I had to Kevin that just wouldn't go away. It was always there and I didn't know if it would ever go away. He looked at me and told me that Kevin did love me. It may not have been the way exactly that I wanted, but I shouldn't ignore the fact that Kevin loved me and felt strongly about me. And he was okay with that. Everything's meant to be and he loved us both enough to not be insecure about it.

I fell just that much more in love with Nick that day.

Turning off my engine I realized that I was parked in front of my house. The clock on the dashboard read 3:20 and I rubbed my face tiredly. This inward reflection shit was really exhausting. I knew that our reservations were for 7 and we'd be going to Fetish from there. Billy would probably be at the house by about 5:30 so I had 2 hours to kill. I made my way into the house and walked to my back deck, grabbing a beer along the way. Twisting the cap off I sat down, drinking half of the beer in one long motion. I thought back to AJ, Howie and Brian. Nick and Kevin having to tell them about their relationship and the club. I was proud that they'd done it and happy that the guys hadn't taken it too hard. That was the hardest part, worrying about whether or not they'd find out. Brian had come too close and that left a seed of doubt in their minds. Once they'd told them about the club and their sexual preferences they could relax a little more, knowing that they had nothing to hide. At least to the guys anyways. The rest of the world was a different story.

Thinking about the past 7 years, I've come to the conclusion that I wouldn't change anything. There is nothing I would do differently. I think that hating Nick for so long has made me appreciate him more, value him in my life and Kevin's as well. My life before Fetish seems so long ago and I know I'm not the same person I was. I didn't even know who I was before I'd met Kevin and for that I'll always thank him. In how confident and self assured he was with me and others in the club, that rubbed off on how I am in my every day life. I've learned from him that people only have power if you give it to them, and I refuse to relinquish power to anyone who hasn't earned it from me. Thus, making me a better lawyer, a stronger man. But he has also taught be subservience. How to stay on the down low and just observe before making my move. Often times people jump into things half cocked, but if they simply took the time to look at things objectively and from a detached point of view, things are much clearer. I have also participated in many things that I never thought possible nor appealing before. My world had been opened that night that Gabe took me to Fetish.

Finishing the last of my beer I moved to place the bottle on the deck and heard the crinkling of paper in my pocket. Nick's letter. Taking it out I sit looking at it, wondering if I should read it. Have I found the answers I was looking for? Did I even know the questions? Sighing, I take a deep breath and close my eyes and everything is clear.

I love Kevin.

I love Nick.

I'm IN love with Billy.

I think about my future and all I see is Billy. Granted, Nick and Kevin are there too. I can feel it. We've been through too much for them not to be a part of our future, but they aren't as big a part of it as I once would have thought. I couldn't think of a future that didn't involve Kevin as the main player, but somehow along the way I'd let that dream go and found a new one. Now I just wanted the men that are most special in my life to be happy. Nick made Kevin happy. So Nick made me happy. But I wanted to make Billy happy. God. 27 seemed to be making me too philosophical. I thought back to breakfast that day and smiled, Billy's pancakes and kisses still fresh on my tongue. A song was playing in my head and I stopped to listen to it, realizing exactly what it was. The CD had been playing in the jeep to and from the beach and I smiled, thinking of Kevin. It was the disc that had been playing in Kevin's CD player the first time we'd made love, the night he took my

virginity. Of course he would do something subtle that way, putting it in my CD player knowing that I'd be driving today and later tonight, thinking of the first time we'd been together like that. And the note. The note from Nick. Having Julie bring it to me on the beach, knowing where I would be.

I'd found all the answers to any questions I might have had. I was one lucky son of a bitch.

Grinning, I opened the envelope to find a piece of paper neatly folded up.

Kyle,

Happy birthday! I know you're out on the beach, overlooking the ocean contemplating life and other serious shit like that. But first off, what about Julie huh? Hot or what!!! I've tried to convince her to join us some night at Fetish but she says "I just sell the shit honey, I'm not about to use it. No matter how hot you and your man are!'.

I laughed as I pictured her saying that, her mouth curling up into a sly smile, accented with a little wink and an elbow nudge. I looked down to continue reading.

Well I hope you find what you're looking for. Just know that you are beautiful. Inside and out. You have to be to have two of the most amazing men in the entire world love you as much as they do. And they do baby. Billy adores you more than I think you will ever know. There have been many times when he's called me up just to talk about you. He'll be watching you sleep and call me, to tell me how he can't understand why you love him. You chose him. And Kevin. Well as much as Kevin can be a wall of stone sometimes, he loves you. I know you look up to him, that he's taught you so much. But you have to realize that you've taught him just as much, if not more. There are nights when we are talking and he tells me that it was because of you that he is who he is now. How proud he was when you graduated as valedictorian from University. How when you win a case, or land new clients, he goes on for hours about how wonderful you are, how smart you are. He tells me this over and over, as if I can't see that for myself.

I have no idea when the tears started but there were so many that I could barely see Nick's handwriting. I had to stop and wipe my eyes, taking a second to breathe. When I was okay, I continued.

And I do see. I saw how hard it was for you to accept me in Kevin's life, knowing that it was where you wanted to be. How hard it was to let Billy in, let me in after you'd resigned yourself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen how you pictured it. But I also see just how much love you have in you and how deeply you care for those around you. I see how beautiful you are and am glad that you've let me in your life. That you are in Kevin's life and brought Billy into ours. Now I should stop before I get the paper all wet ...

I stopped suddenly, not even realizing how emotional this would have been for Nick to write. The image of him crying while writing it shook me and again I took a deep breath.

But I just wanted you to know that whatever you are looking for, whatever answers you think you need. We'll always be here. Loving you.

Love Nick

I had been so wrapped up in Nick's letter that I hadn't heard the back door open or anyone step out onto the deck. "I know I said I'd call, but I thought I'd just come over instead." Billy's voice sounded from behind me, startling me. I'd turned around quickly, forgetting that I was crying. I saw his face turn from happy to concerned, and instantly he was at my side. "What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing. Just reading something." I choked out, Billy's arms wrapped tightly around me. I breathed in the smell that was distinctly him and relaxed into his touch.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, planting little kisses all over my mouth and face.

"Everything's perfect baby. Just perfect." And sitting there, secure in my lover's embrace I know just how true that is.

Finis