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I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto/ I'm standing here until you make me
move, hanging by a moment here with you/ Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete/ I'll take your
invitation, you take all of me
It had been almost a year since Nick and Howie had become as close as they had. Howie knew what people
thought about their friendship and always chuckled when he heard the rumours, read the stories. It had been
odd that the two polar opposites had found such a rare friendship in one another but that was it. It wasn't that
Howie didn't want more, didn't crave more, he did but it just wasn't meant to be. Nick went through his slew of
women, a different one in every town and constantly talked about how he loved being on the road. Loved
the opportunity to sample what the country had to offer, to which he'd always wiggle his eyebrows
suggestively and sit back in his bunk to watch that country pass by. Howie tried to live life as uncautiously as
Nick did, but couldn't exactly pull it off. Sure he'd had his share of women, but it wasn't nearly like Nick's. Nick
was the epitome of every women's type. Old, young, short, tall it didn't matter, as soon as he flashed them
that smirk, they were ready to tear his clothes off and show him just how much they enjoyed the show.
Nick looked up across the room at Howie and gave him a secret smile, quickly winking at him. Howie's pulse
raced as his stomach danced. God how much he loved that smile, especially knowing it was for him and him
alone. It was different from the smile that he gave the women, more sincere. Howie smiled and winked back,
slightly raising his glass in acknowledgment. It took a lot for Howie to realize just how deep his feelings for
Nick went. It was against everything he had been taught as a child and was something he never thought
about until the moment it hit him. Howie knew he wasn't a close minded person, didn't think that
homosexuality was a sin or was wrong. In the entertainment business the lines of sexuality was blurred,
sometimes even disregarded completely. For most people getting off was the most important thing. IT didn't
matter how you got off or who got you off, as long as you did. But Howie was different. He just had never
thought about it one way or the either, until he realized that he was in love with Nick. That he longed for Nick
to sing to him how he sang every night to thousands of fans, that he longed for Nick to stroke his flesh like he
stroked the microphone, that he longed to be the last one Nick saw before he fell asleep and the first thing
he saw in the morning. That he just longed for Nick. Seeing the blonde stand up and make his way across to
the couch that he was sitting on, walking purposefully not caring that all eyes were on him, Howie's breath got
caught in his throat. He knew that in some way his closeness with Nick was partially selfishness on his behalf.
He stayed close to Nick just so he could be there with him. That he could spend time with him and just be
close to him. Howie knew that he could never be with Nick how he really wanted to, so this friendship would
have to do. He would continue with Nick until Nick decided that he didn't want Howie around anymore. Until
he was told to leave, Howie would be there and be grateful for the opportunity to be with Nick, to be the one
that Nick counted on, to be Nick's best friend. He'd live each moment with Nick, thankful for the time yet also
hopeful that it wouldn't end, praying that there'd be more.
Nick sat down beside Howie and smiled at him, leaning in to whisper something directly into the older man's
ear. As he felt Nick's breath on his ear and neck, Howie had to stop himself from trembling and sighing. Once
Nick finished what he had to say, Howie laughed and the two friends stared at each other. The other people
that had been sitting with Howie discreetly left them alone and moved off to other conversations. "Is that what
you really want Nicky? Do you want to go and be a part of that?" Howie inwardly hoped that Nick's answer
would be no, but knew that no matter what his answer was, he'd be there with him.
Nick paused to think, looking back at the two women who were watching them hopefully. He then looked
Howie in the eye again and saw something flash there. Howie's breath got caught in his throat and he saw
Nick smile at him.
"I don't think so D. I'm not really in the mood tonight. I sorta was hoping that we could just get out of here, just
us."
Howie wasn't sure if he'd heard Nick right. It wasn't often that Nick passed up what those girls were offering
him. He'd been propositioned by both of them, offering him the chance to watch them together, doing
whatever he wanted, all for the chance to both get to fuck him. Nick sometimes said sure right away, but
sometimes said that it was a two person deal. They had to have both him and Howie. The girls never had a
problem with that, why would they. They got to sleep with two Backstreet Boys when really they had only
thought they'd get one. But Nick never said no. Not unless something was wrong. Something had to be
wrong. Howie laid his arm on Nick's sympathetically and his face became serious. "Is everything okay?"
Nick flashed the girls a fake concerned smile and Howie saw their faces fall slightly. "Yeah D. I just want to get
out of here. This scene is just stressing me out tonight. You wanna go back to my room? You know, just hang
out?"
Howie coughed, not believing what he just heard. He'd heard those words come out of Nick's mouth more
times than he could remember, just never directed towards him. He knew that they weren't meant the way he
was thinking, but it was his fantasy, he could think what he wanted. In that moment Howie forgot that he
wasn't some groupie fan. That he wasn't what Nick was looking for in a 'hotel room visitor'. He forgot
everything except for the fact that Nick had invited him back to his room, alone.
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