Chapter 9

I was still high on the fact that I had finally gotten to Nick. I had been the one to tease him and it felt great. Now to work on the other part of my plan. I had to talk to Brian and find out what the hell was going on. Now, honestly, I could have just gone to Nick and asked him myself. But what was the fun in that? I didn't want him to know I was asking, so I found myself outside of Brian's door, knocking, waiting for him to answer it. He came to the door and smiled when he saw me standing there. "Cuz. What's up man?" He asked moving aside so I could enter his room.

"Hey cuz. Nothing. Just wanted to chat with you. It's been a while." I wasn't lying, it had been a while, but I was making it seem more vague and general than it was. I wanted information, not to actually hang out with him. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Brian, but I was on a mission. Needed information.

Brian smiled and we went into his little living room area. I sat down as he got me a beer. "So what's on your mind cuz?" He asked, giving me the once over. I could see the wheels in his mind turning.

"What do you mean?" I tried to play it cool. Make it look like I was just there to chat about nothing.

"I mean, what is it that you want? You're here for something. Just ask, I'll answer as best I can and then we can get past it. If you don't get it out now, you'll be thinking about it constantly, wondering when you can safely bring it up, and miss everything else we're talking about. So ask and move on." I had no idea how he did that. It was like a super power he had. He just knew everything.

I blushed and looked down. I could barely meet his eyes. "Kev. Look at me." My head snapped up at his tone. It was forceful and impatient. When I met his eyes I saw nothing but concern and humour there. 'Just ask me what you want to know."

"Well. You see it's this." I started. How do I bring this up? How do I ask. It's a question that I honestly should know the answer to. I mean hell, I've known Nick since he was 13, we've been through so much together as a group and we're supposed to all know EVERYTHING about one another.

Brian just sat back and took a swig of his beer. He was always good like that. He'd give you all the time you needed to get out what you needed to say. Maybe that's how he knew everything. He listened when no one else was.

"Is Nick gay?" There. I asked. It was out there and I cringed waiting for Brian's answer.

It came in the form of a laugh. I raised my head to look at him, slight annoyance splashed on my face. He was laughing at me. Fucking laughing at me. I looked at him and tried to read his expression. He thought this was funny. "What's so funny Brian?" I heard myself ask. Wasn't I just the cheeky one? There was a twinge of annoyance in my voice.

"You Kev."

"Why?"

"Just because. What brought this on?" Brian looked genuinely curious as to why I wanted to know. 'Because I want him and want to know if he'd be up for a night of me fucking him and then him fucking me. Perhaps a few blow jobs to top the night off.' That's what I WANTED to say. What really came out was, "I just heard some shit people were saying and thought I'd see if it was true."

Brian seemed to buy that and he chuckled. "Yeah, well people talk lots of crap. Some you believe, some you don't." At that he shrugged.

I didn't know what he meant by this and why he was being so cryptic. It was like he was teasing me. Wasn't confirming nor denying it. I wasn't going to give him the benefit, so I just pretended as though I were indifferent. Like my life didn't hang in the balance of his answer. Like my heart didn't.

"But if you really want to know... Hey. Why are you asking me and not Nick?" Oh shit. Brian was on to me. He was asking too many questions. Think fast Richardson. Think fast.

"Ask Nick? If it's not true I don't want him getting all defensive on me. I mean hell Bri, how would you react if D just came in and said, 'yo Rok. I heard some guy sayin that you were gay. So bro? Is it true?'" Brian just looked at me so I continued. "It's bad enough that people would have been talking about you being gay, wondering, questioning, but for one of your brothers to actually have to come up to you and ask you if it's true.. That's worse. No matter if you are gay or not...." I looked Brian in the eye and saw the look of agreement flash there. I am the smartest man alive. I am abso-fucking-lutely amazing! Have I mentioned I'm the man? I am! He laughed and then agreed with me. "I guess you're right. I never thought of it that way."

I just wanted to jump over the table separating us and strangle the answer out of him. But I was calm, I was

cool. I was amazing.

"So?"

"Well Kev. It's not that he's gay." Oh no. This isn't good. This can't be good for me. "It's just that..." He paused to weigh his words carefully. "He likes to keep his options open."
I stared at him, my mouth gaping open. That couldn't be attractive! I closed my mouth and found my voice.

"Huh?" Intelligent Kev. Real smooth! My eyebrows were furrowed and I know I must have looked silly, staring at him having no idea what he meant.

"He doesn't want to limit himself. Not to just women or just men. He likes to keep his options open. Wherever he finds what he needs is where he finds it. He's not gay, or heterosexual. He's more...just sexual." Brian just stared at me and watched my reaction. I just fell back against the chair and let out a breath. I wasn't expecting that answer.

"Kev. He doesn't believe in thinking too much about it. He just does what feels good. Just feels." Those words echoed through my mind, through my body. That's exactly what he said to me that morning in the elevator. "Just feel". I could still feel this breath on my face as he moaned that over his shoulder. I could feel my body reacting. Not good. Not good at all. Didn't need this right now. Here. With Brian already curious as to why I was curious. Forced myself to think non-sexual thoughts. Nope..none coming to mind. All I could see was Nick, in a towel..Nick just after he'd cum... Nick while he was cumming. Shit...how do I get myself into these things?

Then I wondered, how did he know all this? I mean, they share a bus, they're frick and frack. I know they talk, but for Brian to talk about this... I was surprised.

"Bri? How do you know all this?" I had to know. Maybe he'd divulge his secrets.

"Someone has to." Was all he replied. I didn't know what he meant by that. I think he could sense my confusion. "Howie's always too busy with his phone and whoever's on the other end of it. AJ...well AJ is AJ and is dealing with his own crap. You're...well you and I won't get into that.. And Nick's Nick... Also something I won't get into." He grinned at me and I couldn't help but grin back at him. "SO someone's gotta listen, be there for when we all start to freak out or fall apart. Someone needs to be the sensible one and know what everyone needs. Have all the answers. And that's me. It's who I am in this group." He shrugged like it was no big deal. Like it was just expected. And I thought about it. He was the glue of the group. I always thought it was me but it wasn't. He was the one to calm us down, when I was angry because Nick was hyper and goofing off. When AJ was freaking and Howie wasn't anywhere to be found. Brian always brought us back together and reminded us of who we are and what we're doing.
"But I wouldn't worry about it Kev." I knew he was talking about Nick now. His face had changed back to how it was before. Before he started thinking too much about things.
"Why cuz?"

"He's met someone." I actually felt my chest constrict around my heart. The world as I knew it stopped spinning. Or started spinning. I don't know the correct way to phrase it. All I knew was that Brian had just rocked my world...and not in a 'thanks can we do that again sometime soon you were fantastic sort of way'. In a 'I think my heart just broke and my life just ended' rocked my world

"What?" I choked out.

Brian shrugged. "He won't give me details, but there's someone new. Not exactly new... It's been a few weeks."
My mind started to work overtime. A few weeks. What's been going on in the last few weeks? Nothing. There hasn't been anyone new. When has he had time to meet anyone? Wouldn't I have seen them? "Oh." Was all I could manage out.

"Yeah. Since Austin something's been different with him. He's been happier. More playful, like a completely different person."

I thought back. Austin. Texas. What the fuck happened in Austin? My mind went blank and I mentally shrugged. I'd have to find out what happened in Austin. Who Nick met. When we were in Austin. Because I don't remember stopping in Texas. Cowboy hats. Cowboy boots. Hot weather. I think I'd remember that. Not an easy place to forget. I had to get out of there. I stood up and told him that it was getting late and I was going to go back to my room. Get some rest before the big day tomorrow. Not that it was really a big day, but I used it as an excuse. We had to get ready for our meeting at Jive in 3 days. We had to come up with at least 14 new prospective songs for the new CD.

As I was leaving his room Brian stuck his hand out and grabbed my arm. "Kev?"

"Yeah Bri?"

"It's okay." I jumped at that. What was that supposed to mean.

"What's okay."

"Whatever's REALLY bothering you. It's gonna be okay." He smiled at me and I knew he was being sincere. This man amazed me. That whole time he let me believe that I was in control, that he had no clue.

"I don't know Bri. It's big." I admitted, running my fingers through my hair.

"We always think so until something bigger comes along. And then the problem doesn't seem so urgent, so hopeless. So looming." He pulled me in for a hug and held me for a few minutes before releasing me. "I'm here. Always if you need to talk."

I smiled and walked away. The scariest part? I was actually considering it.