< Main

Chapter 1

Justin was to be arriving at Three Oaks somewhere after lunch but before dinner. . All of Justin's patient files, from each of the doctors and psychologists that he'd seen were transferred and put into a special cabinet in the Three Oaks' main office. All staff had been made aware of Justin's case, as they were for any new patient and by the time he'd arrived, in less than two days since his parents' first phone call, they'd been briefed and knew all about Justin Randall Timberlake, a.k.a. Mute Boy. Not that anyone would call him that to his face, they simply reserved that for behind his back, or when he was across the room and they thought he couldn't hear. He always could. His hearing was impeccable.

With a kiss to his forehead and a promise to call, his parents dropped his bags off in his room, a double which upon first glance, he would definitely be sharing, and took off. Justin hadn't been sure if he was relieved or frightened that they'd drove him up here, signed him in and took off, all without breaking a sweat. It could have been worse, they could have stayed around longer to meet everyone and completely embarrassed him, but at the same time he hadn't really allowed himself to think about the fact that they were really sending him to this Institution, and leaving him here. The fact that they were tripping over themselves to rush out didn't help matters either, although Justin's main point of relief was that there weren't too many bars on the windows and by the looks of it, patients were allowed outside to roam on the vast expanse of green lawn the 'Facility' had. It wasn't exactly a prison, but then again, he hadn't seen all too much yet.

Because he wouldn't talk, they left him a survey to fill out that would be read in 'group' therapy, so that the other patients would be able to get to know him better. It was included in his 'Orientation' package, which also included strict rule guidelines, dos and don'ts as well as other scheduling information of where he was supposed to be and when. Looking at the charts and page after page of boring information Justin set down the package on his desk and took a deep breath, allowing the reality of the situation to sink in. He was really doing this, it wasn't a dream. It was time to get moving.

The orderly that had shown him to his room, a tall, stocky man with a name tag that said Joey, told him he had the day to settle in and wouldn't be expected to be at any 'activities'. No, that fun would start tomorrow morning, bright and early. Justin simply nodded in resignation. He did have to be at dinner which was served at 5:30, and his roommate Lance, would be back to their room at about 5:15 to meet and pick him up. And yes, Lance knew all about Justin's 'case'. Because they were going to be rooming together Justin's physician thought it best if Lance was brought up to speed on everything he might need to know about his new roommate, making the transition for both of them just a little easier. Justin wouldn't have to 'explain' why he was there to the other man and Lance would know exactly what he was going to be living with. It had been only three o'clock when Joey had smiled, patted Justin on the shoulder and left him to his own devices, and the first thing Justin did was unpack. The thought to not unpack because he wasn't going to be staying, ran through his mind for a fraction of a second until he sighed, realizing that there really wasn't any other option for him. So with that, he made himself comfortable in the room, spent a considerable amount of time getting his side of the room just perfect and filling out the forms to start his life at Three Oaks.

The door opening startled Justin out of the daze he was in and within seconds he was on his feet, back straight and ready to defend himself. Shockingly, he found himself face to face with a man who, by the looks of it, wasn't much older than himself and seemed... well.. rather normal. He didn't know what he was expecting for a roommate in a mental institution, but this attractive, smiling, normal looking man wasn't it. Immediately Justin blushed and looked at his feet, running his hand over his stubbly head.

"You must be Justin," Lance introduced himself, crossing the room but not getting too close. It was hard to tell people's comfort zones, especially at Three Oaks so it was best if you always let them make the first move. Justin's file didn't say anything about having personal space issues, but it was common courtesy and Lance had been raised a perfect gentleman. "I'm your roommate, Lance."

Lance's voice poured slow, thick and hot like honey all over Justin's body and he felt himself react, which only further embarrassed him. He nodded shyly, before looking up and staring deep into what could possibly have been the coolest yet freakiest eyes he'd ever seen. Instantly, there was a connection between the two men and Justin felt completely at ease with him. He simply turned his head towards his bed and made a sweeping motion with his arm where he'd unpacked his belongings, pleased when Lance nodded in understanding and walked over to Justin's side of the room.

"You've unpacked? Good. Did you need more space? I haven't had a roommate in so long that my things seemed to have taken over the whole room." Lance turned around to face Justin, realizing that if his new roommate answered, he'd have to be looking at him to know. He grinned when the younger man nodded first then shook his head immediately after. He was answering yes to the first question and no to the second.

"Excellent. If you do need more space just let me know, okay?" Again, Justin nodded and Lance sat down on his own bed, taking a moment to just relax.

Justin wasn't sure what he was most surprised at, the normal way in which Lance spoke to him or that he'd understood what he'd been saying. It had been so long since someone had spoken to him without being condescending or treating him like a child that he'd just gotten used to it, but having Lance talk to him and not at him sparked something in his chest, making him feel both wistful and confident at the same time. Not to mention that Lance had been careful with the wording he used. He'd asked Justin to 'let him know' if he needed more space, not to 'tell him'. Most of the people in Justin's life had relied solely on speech as a method of communication, not realizing that even though he refused to speak, he could still communicate with them. They weren't interested in learning and he wasn't going to force it on them, which only highlighted the difference between Lance and all of the people he'd left behind.

As well, when people asked him more than one question at a time, he'd answer them in the order in which they were asked, but they were always confused thinking that Justin didn't know what he was doing, or thinking he didn't know what they were asking. Lance had picked it up immediately, sending goose bumps up and down Justin's skin. For the first time since everything had started, Justin thought that maybe he was finally in the right place, where people could understand him and he could be who he was.

"Usually, when we get a new patient in, they're set up with another patient.. sort of like a buddy. For the most part, we all get our own rooms. Easier that way so we don't have to be embarrassed by anything that might happen throughout the night..." Lance paused for a moment to gage Justin's reaction, not wanting to overwhelm the younger man more than necessary. Although he probably thought he was coping well with being there, Lance could see the pure terror in his eyes, hidden so well that Justin himself probably didn't realize it was there.

Justin furrowed his eyebrows and bit his lip, taking another look at the room. He felt bad imposing on Lance, but at the same time was grateful to have a friendly face close by.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not a problem. They probably put us together because we're both from the south. Figured we'd understand each other more or something.. I never know what they're thinking around here." Lance shrugged and smiled at Justin warmly. "But we'll be roomies for at least a few months until you're totally comfortable with it here and able to stay on your own. You might think it's not necessary, but believe me.. it hits you at the weirdest times. I didn't have my freak out until I was here almost four months. I'd been on my own for a month and thought it was fine, then I just had a melt down. Thankfully they had put me in the room right next to my 'buddy' so he was there to help. Any little bit helps around here. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have a roommate.. I was pretty excited to know I'd have some company in here. But there are enough rooms for everyone to get their own."

Cocking his head to the side, Justin silently wondered what Lance was doing at Three Oaks. He seemed normal enough and from what Justin could tell, there wasn't anything visibly wrong with him, so he couldn't help but question what it was that brought this man to such a place. Smiling, Lance seemed to read Justin's mind. "Wondering what's wrong with me, huh?"

Justin's blush was more than enough answer. Wanting to be honest though, he nodded his head.

"I guess it's only fair, seeing I've read your report and know why you're crazy enough to be here. Or at least why they 'think' you're crazy enough to be here. I tend to..." Lance paused, as if trying to find the proper words to explain it to Justin. "Do you want to hear their excuse or mine?"

Justin pointed at Lance, his gaze never faltering. He'd 'spoken' more to this stranger in ten minutes than he had to his parents in the past six months and Justin vowed to examine that fact later when his mind wasn't so focused on figuring out as much as he could about this place and what it was supposed to do to him, or for him anyways. With his family and friends back home, he gave them nothing to work with. No nods, no pointing or hand gestures, he'd simply stare at them blankly and go about his business, barely acknowledging their presence in his life to the point that they'd just followed and done the same with him. For the first time in what felt like forever, Justin was connecting with another person again. He felt alive.

Lance sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back. "I knew you were going to ask that. Their excuse is simpler than mine." Looking back at Justin, Lance smiled when he saw the younger man had crossed his arms over his chest and was shaking his head back and forth. "Okay.. I tend to have episodes. I slip into another reality, like a dream world. Sometimes it feels so real that I think that it's happened and I forget who I am and where I am. A few days later I'm back and everything is normal again and I realize that world isn't real and this is where and who I am."

Justin thought hard about what Lance was saying, not finding it serious enough to warrant being put into a mental institution, but then again, it was the same with him being there. 'Crazy' was a subjective term, and everyone had a little bit of crazy in them. It was just a matter of who and what it affected most. He frowned, shaking his head slightly. Pointing at the door, he indicated what the doctors' explanation for it was.

"Schizophrenia. When I'm 'there', someone else is here," Lance tapped on his temple, indicating inside his mind. At least they seem to think so. "It's like Lance goes away somewhere and is replaced with James," Lance saw the confusion on Justin's face and explained, "Oh, James is my first name, James Lance Bass to be exact. So yeah, Lance goes off and does his thing and James comes in and replaces him and then when James is tired of being in this place, he sends Lance back. That's what they've come up with. Stupid, if you ask me, but they never have and it's not like I can do anything to fight against it. So I just go with what they think and know in my own heart that there's nothing wrong with me. Plus I was a minor when I arrived, and my parents were tired of my 'episodes', and they thought this would be the best way to 'fix me'. I just think they didn't care all too much and couldn't wait to get rid of me so they could start their retirement early."

Justin was confused, but intrigued. He had so many questions he wanted answers to but failed to ask. Instead, he stared at Lance, sizing him up.

"What they don't realize is that I'm both James and Lance. They're a part of who I am and who the fuck cares if I daydream a lot? It's a fucking lot better than being in here. At least there, I'm happy. I'm free and I don't have to worry about what they're going to give me when I do something that goes against what society tells me is normal."

"Didja tell the newbie what it is you do when you're not in here?" A voice called out, startling Justin. He spun around to find a shorter man, tattooed, wearing a sleeveless shirt and low riding shorts on, standing in their doorway.

It was Lance this time that blushed, shaking his head. "Fuck off Aje."

The stranger, Aje according to Lance, stepped in the room and approached Justin, unaware of the concept of personal space, and held out his hand to shake. Cautiously, Justin looked at Lance for approval before reaching out to shake the man's hand in return. "You're Justin, I know. My name is Alexander, Alex or AJ if you will. Nice to meet you."

Justin nodded, giving a shy smile. He was curious as to why Lance was blushing and, of course, why this man was in Three Oaks. So far, after meeting two patients it felt more like a summer camp than it did a Psychiatric Hospital, something Justin was infinitely grateful for. He'd expected patients all drugged up, comatose or catatonic, sitting in chairs and talking to themselves while wearing diapers and rocking back and forth. Admittedly, it was a stereotypical view of what Institutions were, but it was all Justin had to compare to. Thankfully he'd been wrong. So far anyways.

"Now, Lancey... You can't tell the kid why you're here and not tell them where you go." AJ turned to face Justin, a kind smile on his lips. "It's fascinating really."

Lance sighed and rolled his eyes, meeting Justin's gaze. "Like I said, I revert into my own mind and tend to have episodes, right. And in my fantasies, I'm a famous musician. Me and a few other guys we have a singing group and we're famous and rich..."

AJ snorted, breaking Lance's concentration and causing Justin to giggle silently, covering his mouth with his hand.

"Fuck off Alexander," Lance threatened, using AJ's whole name which successfully silenced him. "So yeah. We go all over the world, have won so many awards, multi-platinum CDs, been on TV shows... it's pretty amazing. Not a bad world to live in really."

Justin couldn't help but wonder why that was so wrong, why Lance wasn't allowed to have these fantasies. Judging from the way his eyes twinkled and his skin glowed, it's purely harmless, if not therapeutic, but he didn't say so. Instead, he nodded to show his understanding.

"I figure it's some alternate universe Lance has managed to tap himself into," AJ said, this time more serious than he had been since he'd entered the bedroom.

"And with my luck, Aje is in that fucking universe as my rival. He'd be in some other group, making my life miserable and basically being a pain in the ass. Seeing that's what he does in this universe."

"Nah, it's you that's in the other group and making MY life miserable. But I agree, I wouldn't be surprised if I was there just to torment you." Justin watched as Alex and Lance shared feral grins and couldn't help but notice the strong bond of friendship these two men had. "But the reason I'm here, is to tell you it's time for dinner. Kev figured that you two would get to talking..." AJ stopped, shrugging at Justin apologetically, "Well, that Lance would get to talking and you... listening, seeing you're with the whole no talking thing ... and lose track of time. So come on. The last thing you need is Kevin on your ass the first day. The man has a memory like an elephant and will never forget anything."

During the trip down to the dining hall, Lance filled Justin in on who Kevin was and why he was so important. "He's the head doctor here. He's the only one that doesn't do rounds at the other hospitals. He founded Three Oaks by himself and has pretty much dedicated his life to this place. From what I've heard, he's supposed to be building a house on the property, so that he'll be even closer and easier to access if patients need his help."

Justin couldn't help but wonder if Kevin was one of those doctors who pretended to be hip and understanding but really was there to medicate and sedate you until you broke and did what they wanted you to do in the first place. The second doctor he'd seen had done that to him, pretty much turning him into a vegetable and Justin had no desire to be returning to that type of situation any time soon. Sensing Justin's discomfort, Lance grabbed Justin's arm gently.

"He's a genuinely good guy Justin. I've been here two years and he is one of the best doctors in this place. I won't lie to you, he's a hard ass. Of the worst variety. But he actually cares about what happens to us. He tells it like it is and won't compromise anyone's integrity or pride, especially not ours."

"Him and Josh." Alex added, pushing open the doors to the dining hall.

Justin couldn't imagine calling his doctors by their first names. Most of them had been old and almost at retirement, and Justin had been expecting the staff at Three Oaks to be the same. The thought he might be mistaken flashed in his mind, and not for the first time that afternoon he was glad his parents had picked this place.

"You're just saying that because you want a piece of Josh's ass."

Lance's last comment caught Justin off guard, which caused him to stumble. He opened his eyes wide and his jaw dropped, catching the attention of his new friends. Immediately, a dark look crossed AJ's face, causing Justin to shrink back. "Got a fucking problem Charlie?"

The reference to Charlie Chaplin wasn't lost on Justin as he realized that AJ was using it to be derogatory.  It was by far the most creative insult anyone had ever used on him as he was referring Justin's silence and the fact that Charlie Chaplin was a world renouned silent movie star.  He felt the hairs on his arms stand up as AJ advanced, a menacing and frightening look in his eyes. Slowly, without hesitation he shook his head and stepped back, holding his hands up in surrender. From the expression on AJ's face, Justin had a feeling he was about five seconds away from a beating and despite the size difference between the two of them, Justin had a feeling the smaller man would win.

"Then what the fuck was that look for? Never seen a fag before?"

There was no way that the reports had included everything about Justin's past and his character, and knowing his parents, they would never include anything that didn't make them look less than stellar. The 'real' Justin, who he was inside, was most likely left out and for that reason, he knew no one at the Facility knew his secret. It was something he'd only ever said out loud to one person before submitting to complete silence. For that reason, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, opening it up to the photos and finding the one he knew was hidden in the back. Lance had raised an arm and held AJ back, while Justin found what he was looking for. He presented it with just a slight shake in his hands, hoping it would answer any questions AJ had.

Recognition flashed in both Lance and AJ's eyes and Justin watched the anger dissolve. It was a photograph of Justin and another boy, both just turned eighteen, taken two months before silence had overwhelmed him. They were sitting together on a lawn chair at a friend of Justin's, his arms wrapped around the lean torso of the other boy, stomach against back, chin resting on his shoulder. Lance slipped the picture out from the plastic and flipped it over, Justin & Evan - 3 Month Anniversary. The third of what Justin had thought would be an infinite number. They had only made it to six before being torn apart, Evan only able to withstand one month of Justin's silence. Justin still carried the picture in his wallet, taking it out at least once a day in memory. His relationship with Evan hadn't been strong enough to withstand the silence, the break up shattering his heart.

Evan had been Justin's first love, his first relationship... hell, his first everything and because of forces beyond either of their control, it had been snatched unfairly from them, leaving both men devastated. Evan had moved away to attend college in a new state, a state as far away from Justin as possible, hoping then he would be able to start again. Justin hadn't been so lucky, he was presently standing on the threshold of a dining hall in a mental hospital for an undetermined amount of time. Justin couldn't help but wonder if Evan still thought about him.

He felt a tear slide slowly down his cheek and Justin startled when Lance's fingers gently brushed it away. "I'm sorry Justin," he said softly, feeling the younger man tremble under his finger.

It was in that moment Lance realized there was more to Justin's silence than anyone probably suspected. He could tell in less than an hour there was something deeply troubling the young man, something that was far beyond any of their control. It was enough to cause him to stop speaking in the first place, not to mention to keep him from talking even now, six months later. Silently, Lance prayed that Justin would find what he needed at Three Oaks and leave with answers to the questions he had battling in his mind.

Justin shook his head as he slid the picture back into his wallet. He shrugged as if to indicate it wasn't anything to do with Lance. It wasn't anything he shared with anyone back home, hardly anyone outside of his closest friends knowing how close he and Evan really were and how hard the break up had hit him. But now that he was here, Justin felt it would be good for him to start fresh. No lies. No secrets and no trying to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders. Just one look into the eyes of his two new friends he could sense he was safe with them. They wouldn't judge him unfairly. That was exactly what Justin needed.

"Blink one time for BI, two times for gay," AJ said, snickering as Lance shot him a dirty look. "Come on, I know you want to know now, and it's not like he's going to come right out and say 'Oh, you know.. no one's asked me the right question but you Alex, you have so now I'm going to start talking again. Fuck that, he's going to have to communicate with us and blinking works just as good as anything." AJ focused his attention back to Justin who was rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "Well?"

Justin paused, wondering if he wanted to answer AJ's question. Deciding there was no harm in it, he blinked twice. AJ slapped him on the back while Lance shrank away in embarrassment, unable to believe he was friends with such a crass, blunt individual like Alex.

"Excellent. Me too. Lancey here, straight but we love him anyways. He has a good tolerance for being bent and is practically a member of the team. Not in the sense that he likes cock, he doesn't, but he doesn't mind that we do. And that's good enough for me."

Justin met Lance's eyes and he nodded, verifying AJ's claims.

Dinner that day was pizza and Justin felt his stomach growl loudly. All he'd eaten all day was an apple and a bagel, his stomach too sensitive and nervous to allow too much food into it. But now that he was there, had met two people and realized that it wasn't the big deal he'd made it out to be, he allowed himself to relax and enjoy himself. For the time being anyways. Walking across the half full room, Justin felt all eyes focused on them and he shifted nervously. All movement stopped and the sound of his running shoes squeaking on the linoleum echoed through the silent room. AJ turned to face him, an amused smile tugging on his lips.

"Wow, you know how to command the attention of a room, don'tcha kid?"

Justin shrugged sheepishly, not at all enjoying the curious stares focused intently on him. Looking at Lance for reassurance he was relieved when he felt the other man's hand rest on his shoulder gently.

"Don't worry Justin, they're just curious about the new patient. We got buzz yesterday that you'd be arriving, so everyone's been in a tizzy since. It's not that often we get new patients sent all the way out here, you can't possibly know this early, but Three Oaks isn't exactly full. I'd say we're at about a quarter of the capacity the Hospital holds. Hence us being able to have our own rooms."

Justin had about a hundred questions shouting loudly in his mind but they'd arrived at the back of the cafeteria and were in line to pick up their dinners. He grabbed a tray and followed Lance down the line, hoping to god that the food here wasn't as bad as the food at the cafeteria at his high school. At least there, he could hop in his car and drive off to eat somewhere else, here he was stranded. In all senses of the word. After grabbing what Justin had to admit looked like two very appetizing pieces of pizza, a small salad, a bowl of pudding and a glass of iced tea, they headed to the back of the cafeteria to a small table which was slightly isolated from the rest of the room. With an eyebrow raised, Justin silently asked why they were separating themselves from the rest of the patients.

"People in here are crazy," AJ explained in a mock whisper, as if telling Justin a secret. Justin snickered and Lance rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"You'd think he'd get tired of that joke. Still, after two years, at least twice a week he throws it out there. You're new, it's funny to you. Give it a few months, it won't be."

Justin wanted to say that in a few months he'd be gone, but he didn't. Instead, he sat down and started to eat his pizza, wolfing it down hungrily. Once the initial feeling of starvation subsided and he'd slowed down, Justin wiped his hands on a napkin and tapped on the table to get AJ and Lance's attention. They looked at him expectantly and Justin couldn't help but blush. It had been way too long since he'd been given any type of attention, especially anyone's undivided attention and he was just realizing it now. He stared directly into AJ's eyes and pointed at him, curious to know his story. Why he was at Three Oaks.

AJ swallowed the mouthful of milk he'd taken in and looked behind him to see if Justin was pointing over his shoulder. "Me?"

Justin nodded.

"Me what?"

Justin raised his hands, indicating the building.

AJ nodded, understanding Justin's motions. "You want to know why I'm here?"

Justin nodded, picking up his drink and lifting the straw to his mouth. He sat back to listen to AJ's story.

"It's not all that interesting. Apparently the doctors seem to think I have an issue with anger management."

Justin raised an eyebrow, the expression that appeared on AJ's face when he'd been surprised to learn he was gay flashed in his mind. It was a glare of pure rage and he'd actually been afraid the smaller man was going to attack him. Justin could believe that AJ had an anger issue. He furrowed his brow, and once again the thought of his facility as a resolution to any type of 'problem' surfaced, from anger management to extreme fantasies to silence. Especially for two years as Lance had stated. It felt like their parents and doctors were overreacting, the 'cure' not fitting the 'illness'.

"Little things will set me off, I have violent outbursts, episodes, throw and wreck things. Scream and...well lets just say it's not a pretty sight." AJ shrugged as he stared out the window. "Oh, and there's a depression thing too. That might have been the deciding factor."

Lance snorted in disbelief. "A depression 'thing'? It's more than a thing." He turned to Justin, giving a shake of his head. "Everyone has highs and lows, it's a fact of life. But some people, Alex included, have extreme highs and lows. Extreme, meaning some times he doesn't get out of bed for days or weeks on end, refuses to eat or see anyone outside of Kevin and Josh."

AJ and Lance shared a private look and Justin could see how deep their friendship ran. They had done nothing but fight and tease each other since he'd met them, but underneath that banter, their emotions for one another ran deep. As comforting as it was, it saddened Justin. To know that there was no one in his life that loved him unconditionally. Everyone else had abandoned and deserted him, leaving him alone and desolate. But here, despite AJ's violent outbursts and depression, despite Lance's trips to alternate realities, they could still depend on and support one another. That concept escaped Justin.

Any remaining appetite had gone and Justin pushed his last few bites of pizza away from him. He felt tears spring up to the corner of his eyes and he discreetly blinked them away, not wanting to cry in front of these men. The worst part of what he was feeling at that moment was that he didn't know what he should be feeling. One minute he would be fine, okay with the fact that he was there, but the next he couldn't believe his parents would just pawn him off on this hospital, in a place where he didn't know anyone and was all alone. That emotion turned to anger which only ended in defeat. Justin was exhausted and it was barely six thirty. Lance's hand on his shoulder startled him out of his daze.

"Justin? You okay?"

Justin took a deep breath, hoping it would clear the muddiness in his mind. Stretching, he nodded. The look in Lance's eyes told Justin he didn't believe him, but Lance didn't push the issue, something for which Justin was grateful.

"All right. I see Kevin making his way over, probably coming over to see you. I'll ask him what's the plan for the rest of the night."

As Justin turned his head in the direction Lance had nodded, he was surprised to see a tall, dark haired man standing beside him. The only sign that this man was a doctor was the long, white lab coat that covered his tee shirt and baggy jeans and the clipboard in his hand. His hair was long, down to his shoulders almost, his eyes kind and lips curled into a warm smile. Justin's pulse sped up considerably, unable to believe this beautiful man, this beautiful YOUNG man because he was not like any of the old men his parents had forced him to see, was the head Physician at Three Oaks. Maybe this place wouldn't be so bad after all, Justin thought, his eyes flickering from Kevin to Lance to Alex.

End Chapter 1


Chapter 2 >