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Title: Still Got The Rain
Author: Jules
Pairing: JC/Nick
Rating: R for Language
Part: 1/1
Disclaimer: Fiction for entertainment purposes. I don't own them and they don't own me. Although they could if they wanted...
Warning: Slash warning. Bigroupal warning
Notes: This is is response to Kris' JC Winter Challenge. You had to write a story with JC as one of the central characters and base it on a quote that you were given. Mine is the Socrates quote below. Also, the story is loosely inspired by the song Rain by Joey McIntyre. One of my favourite songs ever and it just fit the whole motif I was going for.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"One word frees us
Of all the weight and pain of life
That word is love."
~Socrates~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Today

It's raining outside.

Actually, pouring would better describe it, but he doesn't care. The water is soothing on his naked skin and the air is warmer than one would think, so he knows he won't catch any type of cold seeing that he's laying in a field with no clothes on letting the rain beat down on him. He's infinitely amazed that despite the rain, despite the clouds he can still see the stars in the sky. They're twinkling brightly, as if smiling and winking at him and he's mesmerized. Unable to tear his eyes away regardless of the fact that the water is seriously irritating his contacts. It's therapeutic, although he's not sure why he's in need of therapy. This type of cleansing therapy, where if he lets himself be at least a little philosophical, feels ritualistic. The ending of something bringing forth the dawn of a new day.

JC shakes his head violently negating the question, although he is alone and no question has been asked.

He wonders silently why it has to be picked apart and justified. Why he can't just be laying in a field somewhere naked in the rain and let it be that simple. Of course it is never just that simple, but just once he wants it to be. It's not like his life has never been that simple, isn't that simple now and never will be, but JC doesn't know what he'd do with simple if it ever was presented to him so he doesn't have to worry about it.

The grass feels wet and slick under his back, the scent pungent in his nose. He's trying so hard to forget why he's there that it's only making him think more about it. Remembering. Wishing. Regretting. Obsessing.

Lance's voice is loud in his ears almost giving him goose bumps, scolding him for being outside in the rain, especially in the middle of winter. It didn't matter that Floridian winter wasn't anything like winter anywhere else, it was the concept of being outside in the rain in the winter. The nakedness would only damn his case. JC was a big boy and should know better, but that was the thing, JC wasn't so sure he did know better. He's proved himself to be horrible at judgment calls, if he wasn't so bad, he probably wouldn't be out in the rain in the middle of winter, sans clothing. It was his judgment that put him there in the first place. Lance was the mother hen of the band, coming in second only to Chris.

Chris whose voice was just as loud fighting for dominance in his head. If JC shut his own mind's voice off for a moment, all four of the guys' voices were equally as loud and demanding in his head. Something that probably should have frightened JC, but he'd been living with it for so long it seemed almost normal to him at this point. Normal but creepy. But Chris had, since the very beginning, taken responsibility of mother henning everyone. Lance being Lance had taken good notes and become a mini Chris further annoying himself, Joey and Justin but making Chris the proud papa he was today. Although the oldest member did understand that they all needed time to sort their shit out and evaluate whatever was bothering them, there was always a time and place for everything, and his time and place was inappropriate. Not to mention a health hazard.

Justin's voice was the most annoying of them all telling him 'I told you so'. Justin loved to say that he told you so, even when he had no idea what he was talking about. JC learned years earlier just to agree with Justin and stroke his ego. It had a success rate of 99% in having him leave you alone to further contemplate whatever he felt he'd told you so about. Justin had warned him that things would end badly, that he was playing with a fire he couldn't necessarily contain, but just like he hadn't known what he was talking about seven years earlier, he didn't know what he was talking about now. Justin's contempt had always been spawned out of jealousy, so JC hadn't even processed any arguments Justin may have felt he had.

Joey's voice was the one that hurt the most. It was silent. For once in JC's life, Joey had nothing to say. Nothing when he'd told him what was going on and why he was disappearing for an undeterminable amount of time, and nothing now when he thought back to all the lectures he'd received in days, weeks, months and years past. All JC could pull up was a look, a single look that made JC tremble and a few salty drops of water slide down his cheeks. There were tears mixed up with the rain that was still pelting at his skin almost harshly right now, as if even mother nature knew he needed to be punished. Joey was the only one who knew the whole story. He was the only one trusted enough to be given 100% of the details, during and after, and deep down, JC had a reason for that. The other three were biased, Joey was not. Joey would support him until the day he died, JC was sure of that, but he also had no problem in telling him when he was wrong or when he was being an asshole, and that was
 what he figured he needed. This time, Joey had simply shook his head and allowed the disappointment to show clearly in his eyes.

JC was lost. Lost and scared and confused, wondering how he had gotten to the point in his life he was at now, and where he should go from there. Where there was TO GO from there. He'd made mistakes throughout the years. They both had, and despite their huge fights and petty arguments, they had always worked through their differences and come out on top, stronger because of it. Nothing worth having comes easy, it was something they both believed and knew that no matter what happened it was all going to be okay. So when things had finally come to a head, JC wasn't sure why he felt a sense of doom cover him. Why he had a vision of his life in the future, and he was alone. Alone and desperate without ....

A loud crash of thunder jolted JC out of his thoughts and his eyes opened just in time to see the sky explode in a bright white sheet of lightning. The storm seemed to be getting worse, mirroring his melancholy mood. He knew he should go inside, but couldn't seem to force his body to comply. He wasn't finished thinking.

Winter of 1996

Everyone was sick. Justin had caught some bug somewhere in Italy and passed it on to Lance who had infected Joey who got Chris. JC was thankful that he'd managed to escape the strand because just having to listen to them throwing up and seeing how sick they were, he was sure it was a fate worse than death. And there was nothing more JC hated than being sick. Sick meant having to go to a doctor, and going to a doctor meant you had to get your shots, having to get your shots meant needles. Needles seriously grossed him out.

They were somewhere in Europe, JC thought maybe France at this point, but the roads all looked the same and the only part of the bus he was allowed in was the rec. room. It was the only room that hadn't been contaminated by the other four, and for some reason the rec. room, which wasn't exactly a rec. room but just a room with pillows and a tape player that Chris had found at a salvation army somewhere in Florida before they'd left, had no windows.

It was lonely spending most of his time alone, and for the sixth time that day, he wished that for a second he was sick so he could at least have some company. Just as the thought crossed his mind, JC heard someone, probably Joey by the sounds of it, stumble to the bathroom and moments later a retching sound filled the bus. JC was glad that he wasn't sick. They arrived at the dingy hotel and for the third stop in a row, he got the single. They were checking in when Chris stumbled over, staying a safe distance away and coughed as he tried to talk. "Backstreet are here too."

Justin visibly cringed and sneered, with so much distaste that JC actually turned around to see if the five boys in question were actually behind him. They weren't so he rolled his eyes at Justin. "Why do you hate them? What have they actually done to us?"

Joey nodded miserably. "If anything, I'd think they should hate us more. On principle at least. They've been here for what? A year and a bit already and here we're coming onto THEIR turf?"

"Fuck that, it's a free country man," Justin growled causing for the other four to stare at him amused. He rolled his eyes and shrugged. "You know what I mean."

"Watch your language Jup," Joey said smacking him across the back of his head, garnering a sickly whimper from the teen. "Now come on, we've got a showcase tonight and we're going to need all the sleep we can get before then."

JC found he had hours and hours to do nothing. With the others sleeping off their sickness he had nothing to do and no one to do it with. He was wandering through the hotel when he heard a squeaky voice speaking with frustration. "Una por favor." JC turned the corner to see Nick Carter pleading with someone who clearly found the language gap humiliatingly humorous.

"We're in France, they don't speak Spanish here," JC said as gently as he could. The blonde turned around quickly, his face turning into a scowl immediately. JC had been anticipating that reaction.

"Well I don't know French, and the languages are close anyways." Nick's face turned pink in embarrassment and he turned his back on JC to focus on the man behind the counter. "I just want one. I know you can understand me because I saw you talking English to Howie earlier. Just give me one." The man still only laughed only further enraging Nick.

JC knew that Nick didn't like him, didn't like anyone in their group and for that reason alone he should have just turned around and left him there. But something in how awkward Nick was pulled something in his heart. Nick reminded JC of Justin and figured that in some alternate reality where they weren't competing against one another, he knew they'd have been friends. So for that reasoning alone he walked up and put his hand on Nick's shoulder.

"Nick, forget about it. I guess what they say is true, the French really are assholes." Nick's eyes widened in a mixture between shock and dislike as they both turned to the man behind the counter who was now glaring at him. The man slapped a phone card down on the counter and scooped Nick's money up without saying a word. JC quickly grabbed the card and pulled Nick away before they could get into any more trouble than he worried was coming.

"Why did you do that?" Nick asked, taking the phone card out of JC's hands and slipping it into his back pocket. He eyed the older man curiously, as if afraid he would turn into something evil.

"Because he was being an asshole. He could understand you the whole time, he was just having fun with you. You're young and you were alone, people like to prey on that." JC looked around curiously. "Why are you alone? Why isn't anyone with you?"

Nick shifted nervously, biting his lip. "Ummm, I snuck out. Brian knows where I am but the others'll be mad if they know I'm not in my room. I just..." Nick's eyes narrowed and the guarded stance returned. "Why? Why do you care?"

JC attempted to keep his annoyance at bay remembering that the blonde in front of him was just a child. A child who wasn't yet capable of forming his own thoughts and beliefs, and so depended on the thoughts and beliefs of those around him. Those who he idolized, foolishly. "Despite what you think Nick, we're not out to get you. We didn't know about you any more than you knew about us."

Nick was silent for a few moments, as if processing what JC said. He studied him closely before speaking. "When did you find out about us? Really, and don't lie."

JC closed his eyes. "When we got here. We were somewhere in Germany and Chris ran into Howie..."

Nick nodded. "That's what Howie said. He said Chris said he didn't know anything about us being here or that Lou had another group..."

"Did he believe him? Do you believe me?" JC held his breath, refusing to think about why Nick's answer meant so much to him. He exhaled in relief when Nick nodded.

"Yeah. Howie's pretty smart. Kevin's smart too but sometimes he gets so worked up about things that he doesn't think clear. But Howie's usually pretty good about stuff and if he says he believes Chris than I guess I do too."

"What about me?"

Nick could only shrug. "I don't know you Joshua Scott Chasez, so I have no reason to believe you except for the fact that I'm sure that we'll be seeing a lot of each other when we get famous. So if you lie to me now... it will affect how I see you for the rest of our lives." Nick's lips curled into a shy grin and he looked down at his feet before staring JC in the eye. "First one's free. So I believe you, but if I find you've lied to me, I'll never trust you again. Thanks for the help with the card, see ya around."

JC couldn't understand why that sent alternating chills of excitement and warning through his body. Excitement that Nick would so freely believe and trust him, but warning that he knew he was being given a gift, a special gift that he had to treat carefully for fear of breaking it. He was standing in the lobby alone when one of Lou's assistants found him and told him that he should be upstairs getting ready for rehearsal. It seemed that even though the other four were sick, they were still all to endure at least a few hours of rehearsal before that night's show. The show the day before had been sloppy and they didn't want a repeat that night. JC sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, there was work to do and work didn't include thinking about his interaction with Nick Carter.

Spring of 1997

They were just finishing their first North American CD. NSYNC had released a CD in Europe which was doing great, but Lou felt it was time to finally work their way over to North America. Of course it might have been because Backstreet Boys were also releasing a CD in the States, their second, but he wouldn't directly admit to it knowing that the two groups were at odds with one another. For the most part, there was no love lost between the two groups, most times interactions between one another ending with fists flying and insults thrown. Lou, putting aside how creepy and underhanded he was, knew exactly what he was doing and pretty much had all ten boys in the palm of his greasy hands.


The main bones of contention were to be had between Kevin and Chris and Lance, and Justin and Nick. Brian and Lance often were found butting heads, but that was most because Brian believed everything that his older cousin told him and knowing that Brian was even remotely related to Kevin, Chris and Lance immediately hated him. Joey and he himself had managed to remain on civil speaking terms with all members of Backstreet, as did Howie and AJ with respects to NSYNC. Of course, AJ wasn't all too fond of Justin and the way he treated Nick, but it never was as bad as the others.

It all fascinated JC. He was there for the music. He wanted to write and perform and that was his goal, it didn't matter who else was doing what, as long as he got to do what he wanted. He could see why Justin and Nick were at odds with one another, although he thought it would be easier if they just saw how much alike they were and worked together rather than against one another.

And months later, JC was still reluctant to admit his silent admiration for the blonde. He knew how hard they worked day in and day out, and he was certain that Backstreet were worked just as hard so for Nick to be put through that hell and still have a smile on his face to show for it was amazing. He didn't have the support Justin had with Lynn. JC had heard stories through Chris from Howie of Jane Carter's parenting styles and knew that if any of his friends parents were like that with their children... well he didn't know what he would do. Strangling seemed very much an option though.

They were at a seedy bar in Amsterdam when JC was brought face to face with the blonde. He'd been dancing with a hot girl in minimal clothing all night having drink after drink brought to him. She'd taken a minute to go to the bathroom when Nick had snuck up behind him, tapping him on the shoulder. "Hey Josh." His grin was wide and bright, cheeks a little too rosy.

"Hey Nicky, long time no see." In a move that seemed to surprise them both, JC leaned in to give him a half hug. "How are you? Are you allowed to be talking to me?" He'd heard of Kevin's strict orders not to be fraternizing with the enemy, but Nick didn't seem to care. He simply shrugged and grinned.

"What papa Kevin doesn't know won't hurt him." Nick turned to look over his shoulder before continuing. "I wanted to talk to you before she came back.. that girl..."

JC raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Why? You want her? She's a little old for you."

Nick's blush told JC that he was as innocent as he looked. The younger man shook his head and giggled. "Oh god, not me. I just wanted to warn you. Stay away from her man. She's bad news. She's been following us from city to city, trying to score with one of us. Didn't even matter who... Last week she finally.... well lets just say that she got what she wanted and left behind a little gift."

The smile was gone from JC's face in an instant and his stomach lurched. "What do you mean?"

Nick leaned in and shuddered. "Well, I don't know the whole story, they're always talking behind closed doors, whispering so the 'baby' doesn't hear about things he shouldn't. But all I know was that it took penicillin and something about itching like a mother fuck and shaving pubes. Gross gross gross. And they wonder why I still haven't had sex yet." JC burst into laughter and shook his head.

"You're bullshitting me."

Nick simply shrugged. "I trusted you once, now you can either trust me or not. But lets just say Lou had a FIT when they had to call the doctor in."

With a wink and a giggle, Nick lost himself in the crowd leaving JC alone to think. Seconds later the girl he'd been just warned about returned. Nick's smile flashed in JC's mind and he extracted himself from her grabbing arms and appologized profusely about having a girlfriend at home he couldn't cheat on. A flash of regret crossed her eyes before she slid through the crowd, looking for her next victim.

It wasn't until the next morning he saw her next, coming out of the single. The single that Joey had been afforded the night before. JC's eyes opened wide and she grinned. It was halfway to the next stop on the tour that his friend emerged from the bathroom, hand down his pants scratching painfully. "Fucking itches like a mother fuck. What is this shit...?"

JC laughed out loud causing everyone to stare at him. "What?" Chris asked, suspicious.

"You'd better tell Lou you need a doctor. You're gonna need some shaving cream, a razor and a good dose of penicillin. Maybe Backstreet still has some left over." He knew that they were going to want more of an explanation, but he didn't feel up to explaining what his source of information was. Even he wasn't entirely sure of what this strange bonded friendship he had with Nick was, and until he knew, he wasn't going to share it with anyone else.

Autumn of 1998

It had been a long time since JC had seen Nick happy. Genuinely happy and carefree. They'd been under a lot of pressure since coming home, and JC knew that Backstreet was going through a lot of problems. Problems they didn't want anyone knowing outside of their core group. He also knew that if the other guys had found out exactly how much information Nick gave him on certain private matters, they'd probably kill Nick for divulging confidential secrets, and then kill him on principle. It wasn't as if he himself was an enemy to the group, he wasn't. For the most part JC got along with all five guys, it was just that he had connections to the rest of his group, which were not as easily liked or trusted.

Somewhere in the two years that he and Nick had formed their strange acquaintance, it had turned into a friendship. It started off as the two of them making small talk at social functions both groups were making appearances at, to Nick hesitantly asking JC for advice or suggestion, to JC doing the same and finally both men admitting to themselves and each other that the bond had turned into something of a genuine friendship. Something that JC cherished more than he let on, to his guys, Nick's or himself. Nick was someone on the outside, but at the same time on the inside. JC could complain about things that no one else would understand, but Nick did because he lived the lifestyle too. It wasn't all that different between the two groups, and it made JC feel comforted to know that he could talk to Nick about anything and the younger man would listen and be honest and forthcoming with him. Something that JC couldn't get from his other non-NSYNC friends.

It was amazing how Backstreet had been such a success over in Europe, playing almost eight or nine shows a week, not to mention other performances and appearances, yet they were finding themselves more in debt than when they'd left. The money they'd made compared to the money they'd earned weren't adding up and it was causing a rift between the group. Kevin was certain that something was going on behind the scenes and when he brought it up to the group, Nick had of course told his mother, thinking she could help. She, surprisingly enough, had suggested Kevin keep to what he's being paid to do and sing, dance and just shut up.


That was the problem though, Kevin wasn't being paid to sing and dance.

None of them were exactly being paid. And despite what they'd been assured, everything was not all right and things were very suspicious.

They'd agreed to meet in an out of the way diner, a truck stop that Chris had raved time and time again about to JC. It was a hole in the wall, but made the greasiest, most fattening hamburgers, fries and onion rings. When he'd made the suggestion, Nick had faltered. "Do I have to eat anything?"

JC had been shocked at the question. Nick had always had a healthy appetite, never turning down food. Especially burgers and fries. "Of course not, but why wouldn't you?"

"Gonna get fat. Mom says if I don't watch myself, I'm going to turn into something fat and gross and no one's gonna want me. They'll kick me out of the group and I'll be living in some dumpster by myself."

Just another reason JC hated Jane Carter.

"You're not going to be fat Nick. I swear, for the longest time when you turned sideways we could barely see you. You don't have to eat, but only if you're not hungry. If you're not eating because of what she's said, then that's not good enough."

JC arrived to find Nick already sitting at a corner booth, two milkshakes in front of him. One strawberry, one vanilla. "I got us both one." The grin covered JC's whole face.

They made small talk while eating. JC asked how Mandy was, Nick's girlfriend. Nick in turn asked about Bobbi, the new girl JC had started dating. He and Nikki, who he'd been seeing off and on since MMC had finally broken up for good and he'd started dating someone new just recently. It was all pleasant catching up, both men happy in the serene moment they were afforded. It had been a long time since they'd been able to do something without being recognized. Europe had been good for them, and coming back to North America where no one had known them was hard, for both groups, but at the same time it was nice to just be able to relax without worrying about where you had to be and who would see you.

It wasn't until the dishes had been cleared and JC was drinking coffee that Nick confessed to why he had asked JC to meet with him.

"Lou's stealing from us."

JC's eyes bugged out and he coughed in surprise. "Huh?" JC turned around to see if it was a gag, if the other members of Backstreet were there and ready to point and laugh at how JC fell for it.

"Lou. He's stealing our money. When we came home, Kevin asked where our cheques were, and Lou said that he'd been putting them into a bank account for us. While we were over in Europe, whenever we needed anything he'd pay for it. He'd give us money, he'd tell us not to worry about it."

Nick's face was so serious and his voice was so soft JC could barely hear him. His heart was pounding in his ears at how similar Nick's story was to that of NSYNC's. All that he could think about was that if Lou was doing this to Backstreet, it was all together possible that he was doing it to them too. Nick had to be wrong. "You're kidding right?"

With the shake of his head, Nick frowned. "No. Not in the slightest. We didn't ever have to pay for anything, Lou said he'd take care of it all. Well we haven't seen any money since we started touring, but Lou said not to worry. That it was all waiting for us when we came back and started over here. You have to spend money to make it and it would all work out in the end. Well, when we got back, Kevin asked where our money was and Lou gave us the bank account and the book. There's three hundred thousand dollars."

JC gasped. "Each?"

Nick shook his head again. "Total."

JC felt his lunch churning in his stomach. They must have made ten times that in the past few years, with CD sales overseas and in Canada, merchandise sales, ticket sales.... the list went on and on. "You're wrong. You have to be wrong." JC needed Nick to be wrong because if there was the slight possibility that Nick was right, it meant... he didn't even want to think about it.

"I'm not wrong Jayce. I... I didn't want to tell you. But I couldn't not. Just watch out okay. Please just watch out."

"What are you guys doing about it?" JC asked weakly. He hoped Nick couldn't see the way his hands trembled.

Nick shrugged. "I don't know. My mom's fighting Kevin on it so they won't tell me much anymore. They know she'll get information out of me, so the less I know the better. They think she's in on it, or she's in on something of her own since when it's broken up between us, my money is less than theirs."

JC hated the look of pain and hurt etched into Nick's face. It was then that he realized this wasn't new news. It was new to him, but not new to the Boys. Nick had been holding onto this for a while now. He wanted to be able to do something to take it away, but didn't know what. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Not your fault. Just ..." Nick paused for a moment, seeing something in JC's eyes. "You don't believe me." He wasn't asking.

"It's not that I don't believe you it's...." JC blushed. He was confused above everything else.

"When have I ever lied to you Josh? When?" When JC didn't answer Nick continued. "And I wouldn't lie over something as big as this."

"Then why haven't we heard anything about it? Why hasn't anyone else said anything?" JC couldn't believe it, for the sheer principle that if the man they'd trusted to much was robbing his first prodigal band blind, what would make them different?

"We don't have enough proof right now. I just had to warn you. Whether you believe me or not Josh, I needed you to know. Watch out. I know Chris and Lance are really smart, but so is Kevin and he's been working on this forever. They'd kill me if they knew I was telling you all this, but I couldn't not. I couldn't sleep knowing that he'd be doing this to you and I could have helped stop it."

JC didn't know if it was time to stop it. If he'd been stealing from Backstreet for over two or three years, it was probably safe to say he'd been doing it to them the whole time too. But if Kevin hadn't realized it or couldn't' prove it, what was he to do? How could he? It wasn't a matter of JC believing Nick was lying to him, because he knew without having to think about it that Nick was being 100% honest with him, it was a matter of figuring out what to do with the information now that he had it, and how to get Chris and Lance to listen to him without freaking out and shutting down completely upon hearing Backstreet's involvement.

"Well thank you Nick..." JC had started to say but stopped. There was no tactful way to end that sentence.

"Just know Jayce, it's not going to get any prettier. I don't know what's going on in your camp, but I know what's going on in ours and it's ... it's harsh. We're on separate sides of the fence here. In Europe it was one story, enough room for both of us. But they're planning on putting us against each other. Me against you. Backstreet against NSYNC. Things are going to be said and done, and I hate it. I want to sing and dance. I want to perform, it's about the music for me. Please, you mean a lot to me. Our friendship means a lot to me and I don't want that to be compromised."

All JC could do was nod his head. It seemed that whatever had been going on over at Nick's had made him more introspective than JC had remembered. "Me either."

"So please, warn Chris and Lance but don't mention us. You know they won't listen if they know I had something to do with it."

They sat across from each other, neither speaking for a few long minutes. "Besides that, is everything okay?" JC covered Nick's hand with his own in a move that was supposed to be comforting. Nick's response was everything but. He shrugged and wouldn't meet JC's gaze.

"There is nothing besides that. That is everything."

Spring 2000

JC had made a huge mistake the day he'd left Nick at the diner. He'd gone to see Lance and Chris and told him what he knew. He'd started off good enough asking general questions about the books and money owing and received. But the fact that he'd never been concerned before and was suddenly asking question sparked alarm with the other two. They had wanted to know why he was asking questions and he wouldn't tell them.

Finally he broke down.

He'd told them about his friendship with Nick Carter and how they got together every now and then. How they'd been friends since early Europe and often confided in one another. He then went into detail about their conversation at the diner and how Kevin suspected Lou of stealing from them. Chris started to scream and yell, unable to believe that JC had been fraternizing with the enemy, possibly giving them imperative and important details to later be used against them. Although Lance wasn't as angry with JC as Chris was, he was still plenty mad. His silence told JC everything he needed to know, he was going to be on high alert watch.

Once the screaming about the lying died down, Chris then got into how stupid JC was for believing the blonde. That it was just Kevin's way of fucking with NSYNC and they'd sent the baby of the group to play the innocent victim. How it was just Kevin trying to get NSYNC to stir up shit with Lou to lose their contract and thus pave the way for Backstreet Boys to be the only boy band on the charts.

JC fought back defending not only himself, but Nick and Backstreet which only put him further in the dog house. The topic ended up being closed and no one would speak about it again. Until less than a year later when Backstreet took their lawsuit to the media. Lou had been making things progressively worse for the five guys and they'd finally had enough. The lawsuit was messy and harsh, bitter and exhausting but they claimed all they wanted was rightfully owed to them and for all other musicians under Lou's umbrella to use their case as warning of what could happen to them.

It took less than two hours after MTV news aired the segment for JC's phone to ring. He'd confessed to Nick that he'd spilled everything, thinking that the blonde would have been angry. He wasn't, disappointed that Chris and Lance had thought he'd be used as a pawn like that, but understood because Kevin too had freaked out when he'd learned of Nick's betrayal and friendship with JC. It was only when the lawsuit came to light and people learned about it that Chris admitted that perhaps he'd been too hasty in judging Nick earlier.

Now, months later Lance and Chris had finally come to the painful realization that not only had Lou been stealing from Backstreet, he'd been stealing from them. Not to mention whoring them out like nothing they'd ever believed. Where Backstreet's faces and names had been marketed only on items that they'd approved, NSYNC's had been marketed on anything and everything Lou could sign for. And since they hadn't given direct permission, all the royalties and money made from merchandising unauthorized materials had gone straight to Lou.

He'd fucked them twice as hard and twice as long as Backstreet, and they had just as little as their counterparts to show for it.

The lawsuit had been just as bad as the Boys', probably more painful because they had been warned and it had been ignored. A detail that they'd left out until absolutely necessary with Joey and Justin. It wasn't something that any of them wanted to admit, saying that they knew it was happening long before they decided to do anything about it, but surprisingly Joey and Justin had taken it relatively well. There had been screaming and crying and accusations, but in the end, it had always been out of their control. If it took Kevin Anal Retentive Richardson that long to figure something out and find the proof he needed, they wouldn't have stood much of a better chance.

JC had never been more thankful for Nick's friendship during that time. It was probably one of the hardest, most difficult periods of their careers, even worse than when they'd first gotten together and had to find someone to believe in them. That had been rough, them doing things that they'd never thought possible just to have record execs listen to them and take a chance on them, but having to face the one man you trusted your life with and face realizations that you never would have even thought about otherwise, it left JC with a broken spirit and an emotional breakdown. It was Nick throughout the whole process who had shown him that it was worth it all. That in the end, they'd be better off without Lou. That the money may be gone and the past is something they just weren't able to change, but the future could only get better and there would become a time where the whole ordeal would just be a fleeting memory, a stepping stone to bigger and better things.

"Congratulations, you kicked our asses. Kevin hates you guys you know." Nick chuckled as JC sighed.

"He hated us before." JC felt his stomach flip a few times and he sat down on the closest couch to make himself comfortable. He knew the younger man would call, it was just a matter of when. It was true, No Strings Attached had far exceeded anything they'd imagined and had, as one critic put it so thoughtfully, 'put Millennium's impressive sales to shame'.

"Yeah, but now it's like pure hatred. Says something about you guys using our lawsuit and your own to sell records. Blah blah blah. I mentioned something about anger issues but he kicked my ass and threatened to castrate me if I didn't fuck off."

"And what do you think?" JC was nervous, unsure of what Nick thought not only about the album but how they'd beaten Backstreet's record.

"I think that it's great. Shows Lou what a fucking idiot he is and it pisses all over him. All the better Jayce, fuck the fat bastard."

JC couldn't stop the laughter that resulted, feeling a bit of the tension leave his body. "Seriously though Nicky..."

"I'm proud of you. You know how I feel. I mean, yeah, I'd love for us to be rich and famous and be on top for the next ten fifteen.. hell fifty years. But when it comes down to it, I don't care. I just want to make music. Music the way I want to make it. I don't care if I sell one or one billion CDs, as long as someone's buying it and I'm having fun with it, that's all that matters. If someone's going to beat our record, I'm glad it's you Jayce."

"Did you like it?" It was the first CD with any of their own material on it. It wasn't every song, but JC was going to work and there was going to be a day when he'd be performing all their own music. Hearing Nick's thoughts on his music, his creations was important.

"Well, Digital Get Down? Perv much?" Both men laughed, JC had expected that reaction from Nick. But yeah, fucking great. Naming the CD No Strings Attached was brilliant, and that song... it's a song about love, but fuck that. I know what you're saying. Good for you. We wanted to write a 'we hate the fat, ugly short fucker who swindled our millions' song, but they said it was too bold a move to make, especially right now. So we're going to put that on the NEXT CD."

"Yeah, I'll bet. I'm sure you'll all be fighting to sing lead on that one."


The conversation went a few more minutes until JC had someone knocking on the door, alerting him he had to be in makeup in less than two minutes. Just hearing Nick's voice had relaxed his nerves and calmed him down considerably. Sometimes that was all it took, just a step away from his life and into someone else's, Nick's that grounded him. "Okay Nick, sorry to cut this short but I gotta go. Got make up for the new video. We're going to be dressed as fucking Ken dolls for christ's sake."

"Oh god, that's all we need. Fucking Justin Timberlake dolls." Nick shuddered loudly and giggled. "If that doesn't give me nightmares..."

"Tell me about it Nick, tell me about it. I swear, if I ever have a doll made of me...."

Summer 2001

It was hard when you were at the height of your career, on top of the world, never been better and one of your closest friends, one of the people you cared most about in the world was going through personal hell. Not even personal hell but complete and utter hell to the point of near depression. JC was torn in half, both sides pulling him in different directions. Except, only it wasn't them pulling him in different directions, it was himself. His heart and head.

NSYNC was as big as they'd ever been, everything they touched turned to gold. They were in the middle of a tour that was selling out faster than they could blink, getting ready for their newest album to be released and talks about future projects. Everyone wanted to work with them, everyone else wanted to be them. JC had never thought things would get this good for them, especially after the whole Lou debacle, but here they were, less than a year and a half later and they were on top of the world, showing everyone who said they wouldn't last, that they were here to stay.

On the flip side of the coin, JC knew that Nick was going through hell. Hell and back again. Their latest CD release had been disappointing to say the least, sales nowhere near Millennium and frustrations were rising. Management had booked them in the largest possible venues, which was good for ticket sales but bad because the larger the venue, the less personal the show felt. Everything needed to be amplified, and in more cases than not, the show ended up just being too everything. Too loud for those up front, too quiet for those in the back and too gaudy to make up for the numbers. They'd been getting attacked at every angle possible and it seemed as though the hits just kept on coming.

JC had spoken to Nick a few days earlier, and everything seemed fine. Of course they seemed fine because Nick refused to talk about what was bothering him, which was concerned JC the most. When Nick shut himself off from the world, it meant he was trying to deal with things on his own, and Nick dealing with things on his own often meant lapses in judgment and Nick panicking when he was backed against a wall. JC shuddered to think that Nick would start using again. It was something that he only did when reaching the low of lows. His public and messy breakup with Mandy had caused for Nick to slip, turning not only to alcohol but several different types of pharmaceutical assistance in coping. Not that JC judged, he was no angel himself. He'd been known to indulge every now and again, but knowing how much Nick felt and how low he had been known to get in the past, JC couldn't help but worry. The separation from Lou had been another low period for Nick, and the most recent had been his
 fluctuating weight and criticisms from fans and media. When Nick was on tour, he was in top physical condition. It was hard not to be in shape doing for or five shows a week, running from here to there with no sleep and barely time to eat in between, but when they were off he would just like to relax and unwind. It was common to gain a lot of the weight back while on down time, but that's all it was, metabolism going astray. Joey was victim to it, as was Chris. Lance had been in years past but with his diet and health conditions, he'd managed to keep the weight off between tours. JC hated to think that whatever Nick's problems were would send him back to drinking and quite possibly drugging.

That was why when he received a phone call at exactly 4:12am he knew something had happened. "Hello?"


At first JC couldn't hear anything except for sniffling. For a moment he thought it was any one of Chris or Justin's dogs playing with the phone and hitting his number on speed dial, but something sounded oddly familiar in the background and JC knew instantly it was Nick. The music he heard was Zelda, one of Nick's favourite video games that he often played when needing comfort from something. "Nicky, you okay?"

"No."

"Where are you?" JC tried to remember Backstreet's schedule but he couldn't process it fast enough. They were somewhere on the east coast, that much he did know.

"Boston."

Boston. That's right. They were supposed to throw the ball at some baseball game that day. Nick hadn't phoned and JC had wondered if they'd gone out partying afterwards. "What happened?" Celebrity was due to be out in less than two weeks and the group had collectively decided to take two weeks off to prepare for the mini tour they were doing for it. The Pop Oddessy tour was going to blend into the Celebrity tour, and then it was all a matter of how well the CD did as to where they'd be going from there. He was out of bed in seconds, wondering how long it would take him to get a flight out to Boston.

"AJ's ... AJ's.." Nick choked and JC heard a strangled sob escape. Nick was fumbling and he heard a muffled "mother fuck', followed by a cry of pain. Now he was really concerned.

"Nick.. what's going on?"

"I fucking banged my arm. God damned wrist. I was... broke my wrist..."

JC sat down on the bed stunned. It was like a bad dream, except he knew he was awake. It was too much to process too soon after waking up. "Start from the beginning Nick, what's going on? How did you break it?"

Nick paused and took a deep cleansing breath. When he'd composed himself he told the whole sordid tale. AJ drinking and drugging too much. Too many late nights, too many missed rehearsals. Too many times they'd gone on stage late because AJ was missing or just too out of it to perform. That morning had been the end. AJ was going to cancel on the game and Kevin had enough, nearly broke down the door. There had been a fight, screaming and threats and Nick had punched a hole in the wall, breaking his wrist. AJ was already gone.

"Gone where? The hospital? Did someone kill him?" JC was half joking half serious, knowing Nick and Kevin's temper anything was possible.

Nick sighed. "No. I was punching at Kevin. Not Aje. AJ's gone to Texas... or Oklahoma or something. I don't know where, no one would tell us for sure. They don't want fans knowing right away. He's gone to rehab. He's fucking in rehab Jayce.... What does that say about us? We found coke, speed... everything. He had enough to like ...fuck.. fucking kill himself. Not that he was trying to, but he could have."

JC knew Nick blamed himself for not seeing how bad things had gotten. His own habits were still very fresh in his mind and Nick knew that AJ's involvement had a little to do with him, as his involvement had a little to do with AJ. They were closer than people would have believed, Nick looking up to the older man a great deal.

"Nicky..."

"What if that were me? What if that is me?"

If JC didn't know what he should do before, he sure as hell knew now. He'd have to phone Lance and adjust his schedule a bit, but he didn't care. Nick needed him immediately and that's what mattered. JC didn't know when Nick rated a 'drop everything and rush over' rating, but the panic that was settling deep inside his chest told him everything he needed to know. "It's not ever going to be you Nick, you know why? Because you're strong. You're stronger than you think, and I know it's going to hurt to hear this because the pain's still fresh, but you're stronger than AJ. He needs help..."

"Fuck you Josh. He's fucking strong.. don't you dare say..."

"I didn't say he wasn't strong Nick. I'm just saying he wasn't strong enough." JC knew Nick would be angry and so he anticipated the fury. "Listen to me..."

"No. I didn't call you to hear you put him down..."

"And I'm not.." JC took a deep breath. "What now?"

"New York. We're doing MTV tomorrow... gonna tell everyone everything."

JC knew exactly what he had to do. "I'll be there tomorrow afternoon." He heard Nick start to protest but he continued talking. "You're not talking me out of it. The last thing you need is to be alone, and the other guys don't count."

"Are... are you sure?" Nick's voice was soft and JC could picture him curled up in a ball on the bed, nursing a broken wrist.

"I'll be there Nicky. Call me when you're done MTV, I'll be watching."

They hung up the phone and JC's first call went to his PA. He needed a hotel room and tickets on the quickest flight out in the morning. He had a lot to do before Nick called him after the show and wanted it to be perfect. His second call was to Lance. He knew this one was not going to be as easy.

Forty five minutes later Lance asked the one question JC had been expecting.

"What changed?"

JC didn't know how to answer it. He didn't have an answer.

"When did he turn into a 'friend' to 'I'll drop everything and fly across the country because I'm worried and I care about your well being?"

"I... I don't know." He must have been convincing because Lance simply let out a drawn out sigh and clucked his tongue noisily.

"Well, be careful Josh."


JC was stunned at the fact that Lance didn't try to talk him out of it. Not that it would have done any good, but still, he'd expected some expression of disappointment or blatant disapproval. Just as he was about to say something, Lance continued.

"I've long since learned that we can't stop this from happening. Whatever you two have between you is stronger than the rest of us. So just be careful and stay safe."

That shocked him more than anything else he'd learned that night. He just wished he knew what everyone else saw that he didn't.

Autumn 2002

It was hard to believe that things had changed so drastically in the blink of an eye. Looking back, it felt gradual, as if everything happened slowly over time, but then if you put it all out in a time line, not a lot of time has actually passed. JC wondered where it all went wrong. What changed.

A year earlier NSYNC had been one cohesive unit, getting ready to start working on the new CD. Now, Justin was out promoting his own solo CD, Joey was getting ready to do Rent, Lance was either going up into space or he wasn't, Chris was hibernating and he was being dicked around by Jive. By everyone. Never once had he expected things to turn out the way they had. He didn't want to say 'ended the way they had', because he's not entirely sure that they've officially ended, but the success of Justin's CD will probably be determinant of that. Despite what Justin had said over and over again, that no matter how good the CD is, no matter how successful it is, he's coming back to NSYNC and they will be recording again in 2003, latest is early 2004.


JC knows better. The second Justin gets a taste of the spotlight alone, without four people filling the background and monopolizing 4/5ths of the attention he'll be gone. Stars in his eyes, cash in his pocket and solo awards to line his shelves. Its easy to say you'll be back when you don't know what you're walking into, but once the bright lights lure you in, JC knows he'll be gone forever.

His own CD was supposed to be out as well, but that seems to have been put on the back burner indefinitely. Jive told him that he's not the selling power that Justin Timberlake is. He doesn't have the charisma and the fan base that Justin does, and it's not like they can both put out a CD at the same time. Of course not, that would just be insane. JC fought not to spit in their smiling, pug nosed faces.

He probably should have been relieved to know that it wasn't just him they were shooting down. From what he'd heard, AJ had also been rallying for a solo CD, but with Nick doing his and knowing Nick's fan base was just as wide as Justin's, if not wider, there was no way they were going to fund two Backstreet Boys' solo projects. So where at least he had gotten to do some recording, AJ hadn't even been given that. The knowledge didn't exactly warm his insides any.

It's a week before Nick has to leave to start doing promo for his CD. He's going up to Canada for a bit, then the States. Then he'll be starting the tour and everything after that is pretty much up in the air. JC had received a phone call mid afternoon, figuring it was one of the guys calling to make sure he was still alive.

"I'm fine. Leave me the fuck alone." JC waited for one of four voices to come through the phone. Nick's voice shocked him.

"I didn't ask if you're okay. Bitch much?"

"Nick? Fuck, I thought you were one of the guys."

"I am one of the guys, just not one of YOUR guys. Not one of mine anymore either so..." JC could hear a lot of static and wondered where the blonde was. He was about to ask when Nick answered his question. "So I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again and wondered if you wanted to go on a little cruise with me."

JC couldn't help but laugh. "You're such a nerd."

"I know but you love that about me." JC didn't dare dispute it. "I'm serious though. I'm taking the boat out for a few days and thought that you'd want to get away from everything."

If anyone else had have phoned JC would have suggested that one of his guys had put them up to it, but because it was Nick, he knew it was a genuine invitation.

"Come on, you can tell me what dicks Jive are for pushing your CD back and I'll tell you what dicks they are by not funding my tour."

JC's eyes opened wide and he gasped. This was news.

"Exactly, so be a sport and get your skinny ass down to the marina. Pack for a few days. Don't tell anyone where you're going."

That was one of Nick's rules of the water. If you were lucky enough to be invited down to the boat, especially for one of his infamous boat trips, you weren't allowed to tell anyone where you were going. It was mostly because he liked being out there with no one having any idea of how to get ahold of him. He didn't get enough privacy, and the ocean was his safe place, so JC had long since learned the rules of complete silence and secrecy when with Nick on the water.

"Give me about an hour. And I know the rules. No pagers, cells or anything else of the sort. I have that book you lent me too, I'll bring it back to you."

Two hours later they were comfortably perched on the deck of the boat, traveling to some unknown destination in the middle of the ocean. It had been a long time since JC had gone on a boat trip with Nick and realized how much he'd missed it, how soothing and relaxing it was. The one thing about the ocean that always amazed him was how small it made you feel. It surrounded you, showed you that it didn't matter how big you felt, how important you were or how inflated your ego was, you were but one small speck on the earth.

Nick spoke first. "So what's the release date they gave you? The new one?"

"Spring 2003." JC didn't even open his eyes.

"When do you THINK it'll be out?" Nick's voice was as soft and gentle as he could make it considering he was talking over the boat's motor.

"I don't. Blowin Me Up is going to be on a soundtrack, but I'm not going to be releasing a whole CD. It's just bullshit."

Nick shrugged, looking away. "Do you blame J?"

The thought had crossed JC's mind but he was still surprised by the question. "Why?"

"Because they're sacrificing you for him? AJ blames me. They all blame me. It's my fault AJ's not recording. It's my fault Backstreet's on hold. I don't even know if I'm IN the group anymore and they're still blaming me."

Their eyes met and Nick abruptly cut the motor. They'd gone out far enough for now. This wasn't their final destination, but it was as far as they were going at this point.

"It's not your fault."

Nick shrugged. "It's not your fault either. It's not because of you they're not releasing it. It's them. Fuck, you know what they've done to us since both groups came up. Fuck, we had it in our contract that Jive couldn't sign competition to our label and then they picked you guys up in a heartbeat. They fucking put our Millennium shit on Britney's CD whoring us out because they thought we'd do that bad. They've been wanting to get rid of us for ages, but then we started making them money so they kept us around..."

"I'm so..."

"It's not you I'm mad at," Nick was nearly screaming. "Fuck." He took a deep breath and started again, more calm. "It's them. They love you when you're selling millions, they have no use for you when you're not. I don't even know why they pushed for my CD to come out. Just more competition for Justin so he'll do better."

JC and Nick hadn't spoken much about Nick's solo work and what it meant in relation to Justin's. Neither man had been forthcoming with information and JC had preferred not to know. Now he wasn't so sure. "What happened there?"

Nick shook his head. "I honestly don't know. It was so fast, old contracts were brought up and I was backed into a corner. Don't record at all or do my solo CD. I just want to make music. I know I won't outsell him, fuck, no one's going to be able to outsell him. But it's not about that. It's about doing what I want to do."

"What do you want to do?" JC watched as Nick pulled a sweatshirt on and sat down on the deck beside him. They were so close their knees were touching between them.

"Hell if I know. I know what I don't want to do and that's lose sight of everything. I don't want to become that guy, that guy I hate."

JC knew what Nick was talking about. He was presently watching Justin turn into that guy and hoped that things would settle down enough for the smoke to clear and everyone to come out unscathed.

"I want to record with the guys again. I want there to always be a Backstreet Boys, but I want Nick Carter to exist outside of that universe. I want everyone I love to be happy. I want to be happy."

It was said by many people that Nick Carter was simple. Stupid. Uneducated. JC couldn't have disagreed more. He wasn't simple, he was genuine. Innocent. Naive. Something that he'd lost long ago and wished he could find again. For Nick it was that simple, being happy. He gave 150% of himself to those he loved, and Nick was someone who had a lot of love. JC had watched people come and go in Nick's life, taking and taking to the ponit that they'd nearly bled Nick dry, emotionally and physically. Not to mention financially. All he wanted to do was protect the younger man. Shield him from the harshness of life, which was laughable considering everything the blonde had seen and done in his 22 years. It always amazed JC at how sunny his disposition was, despite everything he'd been through. Nick had endured more pain and heartache than anyone twice his age and still, he found it in his heart to forgive and move on. To love unconditionally and when it all came down to it, all Nick wanted was
 to be happy.

Happy.

JC wasn't even sure he knew what that was anymore. "Hmm."

Nick's hand breached the distance, stroking his cheek carefully. It was as if the blonde was afraid he'd break. JC wasn't so sure he wouldn't. "What do you want Josh? What does Joshua Chasez want?"

The truth of the matter was, JC just didn't know anymore.

Christmas 2003

Home for the holidays. JC had decided to go home to Maryland to spend Christmas at home. He couldn't remember the last time he'd done that. At first home just meant being in the States for Christmas, and they didn't care where they were as long as they were on American soil. Then home became Florida or LA, and he'd spent his Christmases there, seeing his family the week between the big Christmas parties and the big new years parties. This year though, he wanted to go back to where it all began. Wanted to get back to his roots.

He needed to find Joshua Scott Chasez again, because it seemed as though he'd been lost. For quite some time.

What he figured he needed was some good TLC from his mother and father, a sense of normalcy in a town he'd used to call home with people that he'd known all his life. Thankfully the moment he arrived home to Bowie, he'd realized nothing had changed. There had been some stares and whispering as he'd been doing chores and hanging out around town, but once everyone had gotten used to Josh Chasez being back it had felt as though he'd never left.

Except he was bored. Bored out of his mind.

He spoke to someone at least once a day. Kept in touch with the real world, except that no matter who it was he was talking to, he was always thinking about one person. One person that had increasingly been on his mind lately.

Lately being the past few years, but JC refused to dwell on things, especially how slow he could be a lot of the time.

Everyone seemed disgustingly happy with their significant others, which was what had ultimately led him to going home alone for Christmas. Justin and Cams were vacationing in Hawaii or some shit like that for Christmas. JC had originally wondered how Justin would cope over the holiday without his mother there, but apparently she was going to be there too which only caused for JC to laugh. Some things would NEVER change and he hoped that one day he'd grow the balls to ask Cameron how it felt to be dating Justin AND Lynn Timberlake.

Joey and Kelly were going to be doing Christmas in New York, to which he was invited but it still felt awkward. They'd be having an old fashioned Christmas which was pretty much their family. As grateful as he was for the invite, he'd still thought it better to leave them alone. Even Chris and Lance had plans, not together but separate, but they were both busy.

JC had almost phoned Nick but knowing the problems that Aaron was having with Jane and then Jane and Bob's divorce... JC figured that Nick didn't need one more stress to his holidays.

And while JC wasn't too upset about spending Christmas without his 'brothers', it was mostly Nick he was upset about not getting to see. They'd spoken on the phone, but it had been different than actually getting to talk to him and now, with it being Christmas Eve, all JC could think about was where Nick was, what he was doing and how much more fun the holidays would be if they were together, doing anything, JC didn't care.

His mother's voice broke into his thoughts, screaming down the basement stairs for him. "Joshua Scott... it's nearly midnight. You better get to bed before Santa comes."

JC always thought it was cute how his mother refused to face the fact that he was old enough to understand the whole santa/gifts things. Sure, they all still got presents from Santa under the tree, but he didn't pretend that a jolly man in a red suit put them there.

"Fine. Just let me close everything up down here." It was 12:02 when JC's head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes, wondering what 'Santa' would bring him this year. A six foot tall, blue eyed blonde haired musician was not what he'd been expecting. He thought socks. Underwear. Even more paper for music. But definitely not Nick Carter, drinking hot chocolate and eating gingerbread cookies in front of his fireplace. That was a surprise and a half.

"Look who Santa dropped off," JC's mother grinned, winking at him. She discreetly exited the room, leaving them alone.

"What's going on? Why are you here?" JC asked, pulling Nick in for a tight hug. It was amazing how he'd asked not so directly last night that he wake up to find Nick under his tree and then here he was, under his tree.

Nick shrugged shyly, his cheeks pink. "Just wanted to see you. I missed you I guess. Is this okay? That I'm here?" JC nodded his head so violently he thought he might have had whiplash.

"Fuck yeah it is. I'm so glad you're here."

When the presents were opened and breakfast was eaten, JC and Nick were excused. "You boys better be back by four o'clock, dinner's at four thirty and Joshua, you know how your grandmother gets if anyone's late."

"Oh, thank you Mrs. Chasez but I don't want to intrude. I was planning...."

The look on JC's mother's face was enough to stop Nick instantly. "You are planning on getting that backside back here at 4 like I told you. You can leave tomorrow, but I won't have you spending your Christmas Day traveling."

"Yes ma'am." Nick and JC giggled as they escaped out the back door towards JC's car. "So what now?"

He received a shrug in response. "I don't know, you want to take a drive? See the town I grew up in?"

The tour took up most of the afternoon, JC parked the car and they went for a walk around town. There were a few other people out on midday walks, enjoying the beautiful weather. Dinner was everything Nick figured it would be and everything JC remembered it to be. There was more than enough dinner and desert and by the time the last piece of pie was eaten, everyone was feeling bloated and full.

"Come on Jayce, I still have to give you your present," Nick whispered, pulling the older man out of the room. JC hadn't expected anything from Nick. Not anything more than he'd already given him, which had been exchanged that morning with the other gifts. They'd always gotten each other something small and meaningful, this year had been without exception. But now Nick was telling him he had a present for him.

"You already..."

"This is different. This is something I should have given you before. A long time ago."

They sat on JC's bed, cross-legged and facing one another. JC's pulse was racing and Nick looked nervous. Silently, Nick presented a white envelope, indicating that JC take it.

"What is it?"

"Open it."

It was a letter. A pretty long and thick letter. "What?" he asked breathlessly.

"I want you to read it. Do you want me to leave you alone?"

JC shook his head. He searched Nick's face for some sort of answer but found nothing. Instead of questioning it, he read.

It was penned in Nick's scratchy writing. A story. A story of their lives. Of two people meeting by chance, but their lives entwined. It was a story he knew, but with missing pieces. His hands were trembling and he looked up, staring at Nick. "When did you write this?"

"Over the past few months."

JC nodded before going back to the letter.

By the time he was finished JC was trembling more visibly and there were tears in his eyes. Tears that had fallen down onto the paper below, staining it forever. Nick's final words swam in front of his eyes.

"...and now that I have emptied my heart and soul to you, I have one more confession to make. I love you. Now and Forever. You have my heart. You have my soul. It belongs to you. Joshua, I love you. I just could not let another day go by without telling you."

He was speechless. There were too many thoughts running through his mind to accurately be able to voice any of them. It was everything he'd been fighting so hard against but knew he didn't have a choice in the matter of. Never once did he assume that Nick felt the same way for him as he felt for the blonde, but with that one confession, he'd changed everything. JC didn't have the time to process it.

"Well..."

"I can't believe this. I can't believe you're telling me this. Are you serious? You can't be serious..." JC missed the way Nick's face fell at his reaction. He was so caught up with his disbelief that he didn't realize that Nick was misunderstanding his elation. "Holy shit... Nick....." JC's next sentence was cut off by his mother knocking on the door.

"Come on boys, enough hiding out. We're about to put on the movie now."

The moment to talk was over, they were being summoned downstairs. "I'll meet you down there, I have to wash my face."

Nick simply nodded, hiding the tears he had in the corners of his eyes. He wasn't sure how JC would respond, but in such disbelief was not one of them. He had never been good at hiding his true feelings, and figured that the older man would have suspected how important he was to him all these years, how deeply in love with him he'd fallen. Apparently Nick was mistaken.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. JC was focused more on Nick, trying to catch his eye but the blonde wouldn't look in his direction. Nick made it a point to not face the direction JC was sitting. Still in a state of shock, JC didn't let it affect him much. He'd have to wait until everyone was gone to speak to Nick. That time never came. Nick was ushered into the guest bedroom, JC into his own. As he'd tried to sneak into the room Nick was sleeping in, he found the door locked which probably meant Nick was asleep. Dejected, JC went back down to his own room and got back into bed, falling into a restless sleep. It wasn't until the next morning that he woke up and found a white envelope on his pillow, similar to the one he'd been given the day before. The tremble returned.

Like before, this letter left JC in tears. But they were different tears than he'd shed less than twenty four hours before. These were tears of sadness, of regret. Again, the final few sentences stayed in his head.

"... mistake telling you how I feel. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. I never again want to see the look of shock, of disgust on your face directed towards me. I just hope I haven't lost your friendship over my loss of insight. Tell your family I appreciate everything they've done for me the past few days. Thank you for being a part of my life. I do love you Josh, that I won't apologize for. I'm just sorry that it was as ill received as it was. I guess I was hoping for more than I deserved this year. Take care."

Josh held the letter to his chest and allowed the tears to flow freely down his cheeks. He should have done what his heart screamed for him to do upon reading Nick's first letter, which was pull the blonde into his arms and kiss him. Kiss him long and hard, showing him exactly how much he loved him. He'd never forget the look of frightened anticipation that was in Nick's eyes as he was reading the letter, the way he nibbled on his lower lip, fidgeting and restless. JC hadn't thought about how hard that must have been for the blonde, putting his heart and soul out on the line only to have him screeching in disbelief. JC felt as though someone had kicked him in the stomach. He sobbed loudly, pressing his face into his pillow for fear of someone hearing him and rushing to his door to make sure everything was okay.

He had to fix this. He had no idea how to fix it, but only knew it needed fixing.

The tears subsided, the sobs finished wracking his body and JC allowed his whole body to just sag into the bed. It was when he caught his breath that he stood up and walked numbly to the shower. Afterwards, he packed the suitcase and bag he'd brought with him just over a week earlier. He had to go.

"Mom, I'm sorry to leave so suddenly..." JC stopped when he saw the look of sadness on his mother's face, sadness and concern.

"Go after him Joshua."

JC didn't speak, only opened his eyes wider and cocked his head to the side.

"I saw him leaving early this morning. I was going to say something but I saw the same expression on his face that I see on yours now and knew that it wasn't my place. I've never seen anyone look as devastated and god I hope I never do again. Go find him."

"Okay, I will mom." JC tried to keep his voice from wavering.

"I'm serious Josh. Do it. Find him and fix whatever's broken."

She knew that's not where he was going, and JC knew she knew. But there was too many things going through his head at that moment and he didn't know where to begin sorting everything out.

With a kiss to the cheek and a pat on the head, JC climbed into his car and drove. Drove until he had some sort of destination in mind. It wasn't until he reached the New York State border that he knew where he was going. It was just a matter of what to do when he got there.

Late December 2003

It took all of five minutes after reaching Joey's New York apartment for him to spill the whole sordid story. Not that it was sordid at any means, but JC was in a dramatic mood and by the time he was almost done, Joey was watching with wide eyes and trying to keep the smirk from his lips. He interrupted before JC could get to the worst part of it all.

"Josh.. so basically, the two of you have been oblivious for the past like what? Eight years of how much in love you are and one of you finally woke up and did something about it?"

JC stopped and turned his head so that he was looking out the window. He willed the tears to stop but they didn't and he pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes.

"One of you did do something about it right Jayce? Isn't that why you're here?" Joey's voice was soft and comforting as he slid an arm around JC's shoulders. That was what he needed to break down, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I ... he ... told me he loves me. I didn't ever think he was ..." JC looked up into Joey's eyes which had curiously hardened since the last time he'd looked. "I never expected to hear it. I didn't even realize how I felt until recently. Maybe I knew all along, but I didn't know I knew."

"What did you do?" It was like Joey knew he'd fucked it up without JC having to tell him. That familiar sick feeling returned and JC pulled away, curling himself up into a ball. Joey didn't move to stop him.

"Nothing. I... just was so surprised that I sort of... I might have..."

"Freaked out?"

JC shrugged.

Joey stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, a move that usually preceded a lecture. This time the Italian was silent.

"I just wasn't expecting it. It wasn't a bad freak out.. although I guess it was because he wrote me another letter during the night and then left, but at the time I just was in shock... I didn't mean to..." Nick's face flashed in his mind and JC closed his eyes, trying to hold onto it. It was a memory, one of Nick during his last break up with Mandy. How often she'd verbally abused him, insulting him and trying to break his self confidence down knowing that if he was weak, he wouldn't fight it. JC remembered the rage that filled him every time Nick would call him after a fight, the defeat in his voice and how sometimes he would agree with her, figuring that if she couldn't love him, if his mother couldn't love him, than who could. JC vowed never to let Nick feel unloved, it was then that he'd realized he was in love with the blonde. It was then that he allowed himself to love Nick more than he had in the past. JC was up and ran into Joey's bathroom frantically, needing to empty out
 his stomach and the bile that rested there.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Come in, I'm done."

Joey stepped in and JC felt for a second he was going to say something. Instead, he handed the phone over, waiting until JC took it. Their eyes met and JC trembled at the empty, disappointed look in Joey's eyes.

"Hello?"

"I fucking told you that kid was trouble." It was Justin. JC sighed. "You had to be friends with him, you had to have whatever fucked up relationship the two of you have been having and here, look what it got you..."

JC didn't hear the rest of Justin's speech, he'd hung up. He walked into the living room where Kelly was talking to Joey. JC's ears perked up as he caught the tail end of their conversation. "...well someone's gotta fix it."

"Excuse me?" JC said, interrupting. "What did you say?"

"Oh the sink. It's clogged up again and the last time Joey tried it got worse, and the maintenance people are off till the new years so we pretty much can't use it until someone comes in to fix it."

JC wondered if she'd been making up some excuse to cover for the fact that they'd been talking about him. The second he walked into the kitchen he noticed that yes, the sink was clogged and needed to be fixed.

Fix it.

Fix it.

Those two words kept rolling through his mind since Joey refused to talk to him and Kelly clearly had no idea why he'd shown up on their doorstep. JC was gone within the hour.

Yesterday

It was somewhere in Middle America that the idea dawned on him. He was going to fix it. If Nick had been in love with him as long as he'd been in love with Nick, then it wasn't as if those feelings could have gone away. Not that easily and not that quickly. JC had to find Nick and explain. Clear things up and talk about it so that he could tell the blonde that he not only wasn't sickened by his revelation, but reciprocated the feelings. Somewhere in the past few years Nick had managed to soar his way to the top of JC's highest priority list and now held the top spot. No one had ever singly held the top spot. Up until Nick, the other guys had held onto the top spot and it had been uncontested for as long as JC could remember.

So he knew what he had to do, find Nick, grovel and beg him to forgive him. It was just a matter of HOW to do it that plagued him. JC figured that he was a resourceful boy, he'd be able to do something. Memories of years past plagued him, the good and the bad times. There were equal amounts of both, although the bad seemed to outshine the good. They were more memorable, most often the pain still smarting, even just a little. As JC mentally flipped through the memory rolodex, he realized that there was one constant, with the good and the bad. Nick Carter. He could remember their first meeting as if it was yesterday, the tendrils of excitement that pooled in his stomach, the way his body was more alert and aware of its' surroundings and how he'd been confused about the reaction. And a little guilty, he'd felt guilty for leering at a fifteen year old boy.

Times where he'd been inconsolable, at his most depressed and loneliest, JC could remember phoning Nick, if not just to hear his voice mail message and knowing that because Nick was out there, things would be better. Things were better and he would smile feeling that the weight on his shoulders wasn't as heavy as he'd initially thought.

The positions were reversed quite a lot of the time. There were days and nights where JC's phone would ring and Nick would be on the other end, experiencing some sort of emergency or anxiety that he needed to hear JC's voice to help him cope through it. Somewhere throughout the years, they'd become each other's life lines and JC wondered how he'd never noticed it before. He'd never noticed how Nick had #1 spot on his speed dial. How he was the first person JC phoned when he'd heard that he was starting recording on his solo CD, how he was always the first person JC thought of when he had news to share, good or bad.

Nick wasn't answering his phone. Cell or land line. Aaron didn't know where he was, and if he did, wasn't telling. JC didn't feel right calling any of Nick's guys, unsure of how he'd be received, knowing how protective they were of their baby bird, no matter how estranged they all were from one another.

Knowing that Justin wasn't in town, JC's first stop was at the younger man's Florida home to eat, shower and get a quick nap. The last thing he needed was to look like shit when he finally did run into Nick, although the longer he tried to get ahold of him, the more desperate he got when no answer was attained.

The thought that it wouldn't all work out had never even entered JC's head. He would find Nick. He would explain. They would be happy.

There wasn't any doubt.

Today

Except JC showed up at Nick's house to find no one there. He let himself in through the gate, and searched Nick's whole house, devastated to find that Nick hadn't come back there at all. If Nick wasn't in Florida, there was about a million places he could have gone, and JC wouldn't have even known where to start. He'd banked all his hopes on the fact that Nick would come back to Florida after leaving Maryland. It was supposed to be easy. Nick was going to be home, JC would walk in and their eyes would meet and it would be the happy reunion it should have been when Nick had confessed his feelings at his house in Bowie.

Except that it wasn't.

Not even close.

JC didn't even stop the tears from falling as he sagged to the floor. He had to reevaluate his plan, maybe swallow his pride and phone one of Nick's guys. Or even have Chris phone Howie and ask in a round about sort of way so no one knew why he needed to know. But then again, wasn't that what had gotten him in this mess in the first place? Hiding how he really felt about Nick to save grace? Not that saving grace did him any good, it just made him as miserable as he had been when he was hiding it. Probably more.

JC was sick of hiding.

He couldn't have known how long he'd laid on Nick's floor, just thinking. Contemplating life and his existence. It was at the first sound of rain outside that he sat up, looking at the clock. After five, dark outside already. JC felt something pulling him to Nick's back yard and he went through the patio doors standing in the rain. It wasn't cold, it was refreshing. Cleansing. Invigorating. It made him feel something other than the pain that seemed to have taken over his whole body.


The clothes were in a pile at his feet before he could register what he was doing. Nick loved to be outside in the rain, naked. Especially during a sun shower on the boat. JC didn't have a boat, but Nick's property was wide and expansive and JC slowly made his way through the back yard to an open space of grass. He looked around to see if anyone else was around, shrugging only when he realized he didn't care. There, he stood arms and legs outstretched, face turned up to the sky letting the water fall down on him. Absolving him of his worries. His sins. His mistakes.

He laid in the wet grass for hours, it had to have been hours and as the storm got worse, he knew he should go inside. Knew but didn't. He wasn't finished thinking and no resolution had been reached. It was the sound of another voice that startled him to consciousness.

"You're going to catch a cold."

JC's eyes flew open and he sat up, forgetting he was naked.

Nick raised an eyebrow as he looked down at JC's lithe body before looking him once again in the eye.

"I'm... I was just ... waiting for you..."

"You're going to catch a cold." Nick repeated, turning around. He was in a pair of shorts and a hoodie, both soaking wet. JC wondered how long he'd been there in the rain with him. Nick stopped to look over his shoulder. "Or get arrested, neither are very appealing."

"How..." JC wanted to ask how Nick knew he was there, where Nick had been, what was going on, but he couldn't form the words. It had gotten colder than he'd realized because he was shivering, teeth chattering, skin a bluish hue.

"Neighbors. Saw you from their boat as they were coming in. Called me on my cell to tell me that some naked guy was on my property. Were going to call the police but I told them not to worry, I'd deal with it on my own."

JC nodded. They reached the house and Nick handed him a towel, their fingers lingering as the fabric passed from one hand to the other. JC felt an electric jolt that passed through his whole body. He wondered how he'd never realized how connected they were before. He wondered what else he'd missed all these years. He wondered if there would be more chances to relearn their friendship. The ball was in Nick's court, and judging from the way Nick pulled back from his touch, JC wasn't too hopeful.

They both dried off in a silence that was deafening. JC didn't dare allow his gaze to land on Nick and he vaguely registered Nick's landing on him. It was like they were strangers, but with loads and loads of baggage.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry," Nick spoke so softly JC wasn't even sure he'd heard him. The blonde had his back to him and was standing over the stove, waiting for water to boil for tea.

"Huh?" The towel dropped from JC's hand and he quickly bent over to pick it up, hands trembling.

Nick cleared his throat and looked up nervously. Their eyes met and JC saw Nick's pain flashing in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I just thought I should apologize."

The question was what Nick was apologizing for. JC wanted to ask but he couldn't find his voice. Instead, he smiled shyly when Nick put a mug of steaming hot tea in front of him, made exactly how he liked it. They now sat face to face, neither wanting to look the other in the eye but unable to help themselves.

"You shouldn't be sorry.." JC started after taking a few sips of the tea. His body was freezing but he wasn't sure it had everything to do with being out in the rain. It was more from the fear that had filled him.

"I am though, sorry about so many things. I'm not sorry I told you, I'll never be sorry for that. It was something I had to do, for me. I couldn't keep it to myself any more. It wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to you, not really. What I am sorry for was that I waited so long to tell you. I'm sorry that I didn't do it properly, but had you read it in a letter first. I'm sorry that I left the next morning, too chicken to stay and discuss it. But most of all I'm sorry that you seemed so upset by it."

JC wasn't sure when the tears started, but suddenly he was crying. Crying and needing Nick to stop talking, with each word he was breaking his heart further. "You can't be sorry. Please don't be sorry."

"Why not? What was your first reaction when you knew where the letter was going? Really Josh. You knew where it was going before it got there, so when you first had an idea of what I was leading up to, what did you think?"

JC swallowed thickly, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Instantly he was back in his room. He could hear his family downstairs clattering dishes against one another, the smell of dinner wafting through the house and the feel of Nick's knees pressing against his. His pulse accelerated and his palms started to sweat. "I thought I was misreading it."

Nick only nodded, not saying a word.

"That you were saying what I wanted to hear, not what you were actually saying. I thought I was putting words into your mouth, twisting it around. I kept waiting for it to turn out differently, but the more I read, the more obvious it got. and I just couldn't believe it. You were... It said..." JC took a deep breath. "You're in love with me." He looked up, directly into Nick's eyes. "Do you regret it? Has that changed?"

Nick sighed. "Regret it? I'm still not one hundred percent sure about that. Has it changed? No."

JC's heart throbbed, he still had a chance although he didn't want Nick to regret telling him. He didn't want Nick to regret anything where he was concerned. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you can't help who you love, but you also can't help who you don't love." Nick shook his head as a few tears of his own slipped down his cheek. "I just thought we had something. I mean we do, you are one of my best friends in the entire world. And I mean it's a select few people of maybe three people in total, and you're like number one on that list. But I just thought there'd been a connection deeper than that. Something more.."

JC knew he fucked up, it was in that moment he'd realized how much. "Stop, please stop talking," he whispered. Nick's voice cut off in mid sentence, surprise etched in his face. "It's not fair, you got to say how you felt, but I never got my chance."

"Your reaction said it all Josh."

JC's eyes hardened and his lips formed a tight, thin line. "My reaction said fuck all Nickolas. My reaction didn't tell you how long I'd been hoping to hear those words come from your lips. My reaction didn't tell you how strong and brave and beautiful I think you are, how proud I am of what you've become and that you've let me be a part of it. My reaction didn't tell you how every single time my phone rings and I see your name on the screen, I have to take a few seconds before I answer the phone because just thinking about talking to you leaves me breathless. And I know for fucking sure my reaction didn't tell you that I dream about you, almost every fucking day and night, even when I had no idea how I really felt about you, my subconscious was pointing me in your direction, leading me towards my future. So please don't tell me what you thought you understood. I was surprised at your admission, I'll admit that. And I might not have handled it the way I should have, but I had just
 been handed the one thing I never thought in a million years I'd get, let alone deserve and I could barely think straight."

Nick's face scrunched up in confusion as he tried to process JC's confessions.

"I love you Nick. I think I always did, I just didn't realize it until we'd fallen into a comfortable routine of being friends and nothing more. I guess that I figured if you wanted more, you would have let me know, that it would have happened at some point in the many years we've been friends. It's not like there haven't been opportunities." JC's lips curled in a smile as Nick's cheeks turned pink. There had been a few moments where the line had nearly been crossed between them, but something had always kept them apart. Someone walking into the room just as they were about to kiss, the phone ringing as the temperature would rise in a room, or just fate intervening in other ways. JC had always seen it as a sign, perhaps he should have viewed them as tests to see if it was really important to them, if it was worth the risk.

"I ..." Nick knew he was right, there had been many close calls and neither had wanted to run the risk of the friendship for what could have been a fling. It was never about the sex, but more about the connection. "So what now?" The last thing Nick wanted was to jump to conclusions now, he'd done that a few days earlier at JC's house and it had set them back rather than pushed them forward.

"Now the easy part. From the sounds of it, our friends already know what we've been neglecting to admit. So we don't have to break it to them and worry about how they're going to react. And surprisingly, they've handled it better than we did." JC chuckled at the truth in that statement, at least from his end. It had been a slow process for him to actually admit he had more than platonic feelings from the blonde, and judging from the length and detailed emotion written in Nick's letter, he'd gone through the same process in his emerging romantic feelings as well. "We've told each other how we feel, so there's no fear there. It's just living with it."

Nick leaned in, nudging JC's nose with his own. "You mean like getting used to doing this without feeling weird about it?" He pressed their mouths together, lips hesitantly locking. It was quick and fleeting, too short for both of them. Nick pulled back to judge JC's reaction, pleased to see a shy smile on the older man's face. He licked his lips before leaning in again, this time adding more pressure and opening his lips enough to give JC the hint.

No one ever accused JC of being slow, or slower than usual for him. As he'd felt Nick's sinfully delicious lips open slightly, his tongue bridged the gap and explored Nick's front teeth, gliding in as far as the minimal opening allowed. Hands wove in hair, mouths fit together perfectly and thumbs stroked jaw lines as their heads tilted in opposite directions to afford them more room to get closer. It was Nick who pulled away first, gasping for breath.

"So long."

"I know Nicky, god do I know." JC fit his face in the crook of Nick's neck inhaling his intoxicating scent and just reveling in the warmth and comfort he found there. Nick shifted so they could move closer, JC practically sitting on his lap.

"I should have stayed, talked to you in the morning," Nick's voice was filled with regret as he stroked JC's hair. "I was so upset though, so worried that you hated me. I'd been hiding my feelings for a long time and thought that maybe they were one sided. That if you felt anything you'd have already said something, and then I was so confused. Sometimes it felt like you knew and felt the same way, and other times it was like I was alone in my feelings. So one night I started to write everything, everything that was in my head I had to get out. I wanted to just clear my conscience of it. I wasn't even sure if I was going to give it to you, then I knew I had to. I couldn't go on anymore, being with you and having you not know how much it meant to me. How much I wanted to touch you, tell you I love you so fucking much. I didn't know what else to do.. and then I saw your reaction and it nearly killed me."

"You locked the bedroom door, I came down to talk to you but I couldn't get in. I didn't think our conversation was finished, so I'd waited until everyone was asleep."

Nick nodded. "I know, I had to be alone. I had to write the second letter and just reevaluate things. I wasn't sure if you'd speak to me again and that scared me more than anything. I could handle you not loving me back, but not having you in my life in any capacity hurt so much. I would have died if you'd have..."

"Shhhh baby. It doesn't matter now, none of it. of course we worked through it, when have we not? How many times have we fought? How many times have we both said never to call each other again? But we've always made it through. I know that no matter how mad you are at me, I can always count on you. And it's the same with me Nicky. I'll always be here for you, always love you, no matter what." JC's breath caught in his throat as Nick cupped his face in his hands and held them there, studying him. "What?" he asked softly.

"I just want..." Nick pulled one hand away and traced JC's features with the tip of his index finger, floating over his nose, eyes and lips. He replaced the finger with his lips, sporadically kissing all over JC's skin. "You are beautiful Josh and I didn't think I'd get this chance, not like this. Just wanted to enjoy it, take a moment and appreciate what I've been given."

JC shivered and held back the soft moan that wanted to escape. Nick was looking at him through eyes that he'd never seen before. Or if he'd seen them, he hadn't recognized them for what they were. In that moment, he felt like the most important thing in the world, like he was something to be cherished, and to Nick, he was. Any traces of the melancholy or the depression that had been building before Christmas and the past few months was gone without a trace. In fact, he couldn't feel anything but the love Nick was radiating, something that should have felt newer than it didn't. In fact, the only thing that seemed to have changed was their personal space. They were touchy feely before, but not without limitations, unspoken boundaries. Now those boundaries had been torn down and there was infinite access. The love that JC felt wasn't new though, he just hadn't recognized it before. Hadn't allowed himself to hope. To dream.

"I love you Nick," JC spoke, unable to help himself. Now that he'd said it one time, he wasn't going to be able to stop. And neither wanted him to.

"Thank you. Thank you baby." Nick's kisses trailed to JC's lips and their mouths fit together perfectly, the passion slowly heightening. JC let out a whimpered moan and Nick giggled, pulling back slightly.

JC wanted to hear him say it back, but was embarrassed to ask. The twinkle in Nick's eyes told him he knew. "What Josh?"

"N-nothing." He tried to start them off in another kiss but Nick pulled back, teasing him. Nick moved his mouth directly beside JC's ear and licked at the lobe playfully.

"You want to hear me say it, don't you?" JC's answer was to bite his lip and nod, his eyes fixed on Nick's. Nick pulled the older man into a deep kiss and as JC's mouth was open, he spoke directly into it. "I love you Josh." He then pulled away and with each kiss placed on JC's face, throat and neck he repeated himself.

"I love you."

Kiss.

"I LOVE you."

Kiss.

I love YOU."

Kiss.

I LOVE YOU.

Lick.

JC pulled away giggling as he wiped at the wet stripe Nick had made up the side of his face. "I love you too Nick."

It was everything that JC had thought it would be, as wonderful as he'd expected and intimidating like nothing he'd ever known before. Sitting at the kitchen table got uncomfortable so Nick had suggested they take things somewhere else. Somewhere else was the living room on Nick's plush couch, JC pulled tight against Nick's body, touching at every possible point. It was then that they began to really talk, confessing everything they'd kept a secret for so long. Nick spoke of his respect for JC and how he'd always wanted to be just like the older man, focused and not so concerned about what everyone else said. JC countered Nick's confession by saying he'd always been jealous that Nick was so spontaneous, so carefree and jovial.

It was late into the evening, hours after they'd laid down together that they began to drift off. "When I wake up, are you still going to be here?" JC asked, mildly concerned that he would wake up to find he was alone. He tightened his arms around Nick's waist, burrowing his face deeper into the younger man's broad chest.

Nick ran his fingers through JC's hair, stroking his scalp affectionately. "Josh, I'm always going to be here."

Tomorrow

Is a brand new day.

Finis


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