Title:The Sun Rises Over New York City

Author: Jules - mailto:goddess_julie@just-in-dreams.com

Pairing: JoNi

Rating:PG

Part: 1/1

Disclaimer:Fiction for entertainment purposes. Didn't ever happen.

Warning:Slash warning. Bigroupal warning

Notes:I have no idea how old Brianna is right now. My guess is two or three. Three moreso than two. So if she's older and it doesn't fit the story, please forgive me. I'm not up on the facts yo! ~~

The Sun Rises Over New York City
by Jules

Nick wonders if it has all been worth it. If, ten years ago, he made the wrong decision. It was Mickey Mouse Club or Backstreet Boys. At the time it had been a hard decision. Actually, no, he's lying. It wasn't a hard decision at all. In fact, it wasn't his to make. It was made for him. They had talked to his parents, his mom primarily, and told her that if Nick joined the group, they'd be making millions in no time. It was going to be hard in the beginning, starting out in the music industry always was, but in a matter of time they'd be on every magazine, on every shelf, on every channel. They were going to be huge. Huge to Jane Carter meant rich, and she was all about getting rich. And the best part of it was that she wouldn't have to do anything. It was easy money for her. But at the same time, if he failed, she still had four other children that could possibly give her the lifestyle she so desperately wanted. Or in her words, deserved.

The decision had been made. Nick was going to join Backstreet Boys. He didn't mind, it was just one less decision he would have to make. All he wanted to do was perform, and this would afford him that dream. He would get to sing, dance and be a part of something. He'd never really been a part of something before. Not this important. He'd done stuff in school, plays and recitals, but nothing this big and definitely nothing that would get him famous. He wasn't as nervous as he probably should have been when he met the others. But then again, he was 12 and wasn't able to comprehend exactly what he was getting himself into. To him, this was just another one of his mother's plans to get rich. It didn't really matter what he thought or felt. So he did what they expected. Said what they told him to say.

Looking back, it's hard for him to see the good times. Maybe it's because the past few years are so clouded with bad times, the good are buried somewhere underneath it all. So far down that he actually has to struggle to remember them, sometimes needing pictures to help jog his memories. But even those are tainted now. Pictures of happier times now leave a bitter taste in his mouth, a heavy hand on his heart. He doesn't believe that things were always what they seemed, something that used to be only for the fans' benefit. No matter what was going on, internal or external, they had made a pact among the five of them. Never let them see you sweat, not the fans and especially not the people who think they own you. So they hadn't. They'd lied to the fans, and sometimes themselves, pretending that everything was perfect. Nick was starting to thing that he'd been pretending so much, he'd started to actually believe it. Maybe that was why it blind sighted him so much. He'd never seen it coming. He was living the lie so much it became a part of him. Made him lose sight of what was really going on around him.

When Lou and his minions betrayed them, Nick had been hurt. Disallusioned. Uncertain as to what that meant and where they would go from there. He had made the mistake of seeking out assistance from his mother, asking her what he should do. She had made up her mind on where things should go for her son's career and sought out her own lawyer, drafting up a set of contracts and legal documents. Nick had still been a minor at that time, and thus when he was instructed by his mother, his own flesh and blood, to sign them, he did. Without question. He'd trusted her. His biggest mistake. He hadn't been expecting her to be as ruthless and devious as Lou was, but then of course, naivity was one of Nick's weakest faults, something she was more than well aware of.

It was during this time that he'd also pledged his undying trust to his four brothers, the only four men who knew anything about what he was going through. They were all in the same boat, being ripped off by the same people. So of course he assumed that he could trust them, that they wouldn't do anything to hurt him. They loved him too much to try and destroy him.

Nick now knows why he's never trusted love. It's never given him any reason to. In fact, love has only broken him, time and time again. Nick knows better than to trust anyone but himself. It's been a hard lesson, but one that he's learned all the same. He thinks that it might make him stronger, a better person. But he doubts it. It's only made him bitter and cynical, a complete asshole 90 percent of the time and a shell of a man that he

wishes he was the other ten. Nick wonders if he'll ever be normal. It doesn't look too promising.

Lou was right about one thing though, Backstreet made it huge. For the longest time they were the uncontested kings of the Pop Universe. No one could come near them. No one could even compete. Until the man who put them there, decided they needed to come down. Another group, curiously similar to them arrived on the scene, introduced by none other than Lou Pearlman, the self proclaimed founder of Backstreet Boys. NSYNC had five members, all white and from Orlando. Just like Backstreet. They were a OEvocal harmony group' that danced. Just like Backstreet. Went to Europe first before coming to conquor America. Just like Backstreet. NSYNC's bio was looking suspiciously like their own, and while Nick knew they weren't to blame personally, he couldn't help but hate them. Especially the youngest one. The one that was trying to take over his life.

It was bittersweet to watch them go through the same thing that they themselves had to endure, leaving Transcon and Lou. Nick secretly hoped that they wouldn't survive the lawsuits, which would leave the Boys as once again the biggest group out there. Of course life didn't go to plan and NSYNC came out stronger than ever. They were everything Backstreet wasn't, and slowly Nick watched his group disintegrate. He'd had no idea that the grass wasn't greener on the other side of the fence. Where they were public with their problems, NSYNC was having a lot of the same issues, just more privately. But with eachcurveball life was throwing him, Nick didn't have time to focus on other people, other groups. His own life was unraveling right before his eyes. AJ heading into rehab, a tour that should have been spectacular ending up to look gaudy. That was the only word Nick could use to describe it. Gaudy. It was more flash and dash than anything, making Nick wonder when it became less about the music and more about [!] everything else. All the shit that Nick had been so against in the beginning, was what he had slowly turned into.

The parties.

The girls.

The drugs.

The alcohol.

The guys.

On days that he's particularly over reflective, he wonders how many girls he's gotten pregnant, how many lives he's directly affected only to leave and move on to the next city. And he's sure that there are a few out there, there has to be, because he can barely count the number of times that he was too drunk to remember to put on a condom, let alone make sure she was using any type of birth control. There was about three or four years in there that things had gotten out of control. More out of control that usual, which was saying a lot. Because with five guys on the road, the only supervision being a mom who was out doing her own thing quite a lot of the time, they were bound to get intojust a little bit of mischief, that being quite the understatement.

But he knows enough to not regret his past. Well, not all of it anyways. HE knows that harping over things he can not change will only drive him crazy, and crazy is not where he wants to be. Not just yet anyways. He feels light years older than his 23 years, but in the same breath feels like he's still 12 years old, wondering what the hell he's doing in a world that is just too big for him.

He knows what people think about him now, how they blame him. How the teenage girls who have no idea what it's like to be him, wonder why he would betray his brothers. Why he would walk away from the only thing he's ever known to try and do the one thing he's dreamed about. He left the group. If he could, he would admit it to the world. But he can't, because it's not official. It's not allowed. The hope must always be kept alive, and if he's still in the group, they can still maybe record again. He doesn't understand why they can't let him go. Be on his own and make himself happy. He's spent 23 years making everyone else happy, all at his own expense. Slowly, his life ..their life has been killing him. Turning him into everything he always vowed he wouldn't be. He did the only thing he could. He got out.

In retrospect, he knew they would react the way they did. He expected it. The only thing he didn't expect was the degree to which they reacted. How much they truly hated him, but it wasn't a new hatred. Judging from the looks in their eyes, the scowls on their lips and the scorn in their voices, it was something that had been brewing for a while. Hatred that strong doesn't appear overnight. Nick wants to ask when it all began. How long they have hated him, resented him [!]despised him. But doesn't. Because as much as he'd like to know, he doesn't want to. Because the last thing he wants to hear is that its' always been like that. And he would hate to think that the past ten years have all been this big lie. This grand production, but no one had told him. He would like the few good memories that he has to remain untouched. Pure.

Going out on his own was quite possibly the hardest thing he's ever done. He'd always anticipated the other four to be there with him when he needed them. But that wasn't the case. They wanted nothing to do with him, even Howie, who had always told him that he'd support him no matter what happened. Nick learned a lesson on how cheap talk could be when Howie had informed him he was on his own. Totally. This was

something that even HE couldn't forgive him for, and Howie was never one to hold a grudge. Especially not to this degree.

He can't say that it's all been bad, because it hasn't. And he doesn't think that he'd change anything. Although there were a few things that he wish he had have done better, things he would have said. But in the end, the path you take is what gets you to where you are, and despite the journey, he is pretty comfortable right now. Liking where he is. Liking WHO he is, even if he's not exactly sure of who that is.

It's six thirty in the morning and the sun is already beating down on the city at a stifling temperature. He's on the balcony, watching New York City begin to wake up and come to life. It was in this city that they'd first met one another, not particularly taking much notice of the other. Each had other things to deal with, their minds focused elsewhere. Nick wonders how he'd missed him for so long and questions whether his life would have been different had he just opened his eyes.

The screen door opens behind him, someone joining him. Looking behind him, a pair of sleepy eyes are watching him. No words are said. He uncrosses his arms and stretches them in an open invitation. It takes two seconds before they're full, holding the body tight against his chest. Fingers reach up and take his hair, twirling and playing with it. This is one of the main reasons he's growing it out, so they can play with it. "How are you baby? Have a good sleep?"He asks softly, placing a kiss to their forehead.

"Good."Nick grins as he feels them nuzzle their face deeper into the crook of his neck. He waits a few minutes before he feels them relax completely against his chest, in his arms. The steady rise and fall of their chest indicates that they've fallen back asleep and Nick can't help but sigh.

He'd promised himself that he'd never trust anyone again. Not completely and not enough to fall in love. It was a promise made when he'd broken up with Mandy. Or Willa, or whatever she was going to call herself now adays. And then he'd reaffirmed the promise again when the only four people in the world he'd thought would never abandon him did. But now, sitting on the balcony of this New York City penthouse, he realized that it was a promise bound to be broken. Because he had. Fallen in love. Learned to trust again. One person had made him open his eyes and see what he was giving up by closing himself off from the world. One person had shown him that love was worth living for.

"Well isn't this the most beautiful sight to wake up to."A husky voice said from behind him. Nick moved slow enough so that he wouldn't wake the bundle in his arms. Nick's eyes met a pair of sleepy brown ones and he smiled.

"Why are you up?"Nick made sure to talk softly, reaching up to receive the kiss offered. He shivered at the faint brush of a tongue on his own.

"I turned over and felt you gone. Sheets were cold so I knew you'd been gone for a while."Nick shifted on the lounge chair so that his visitor could sit down with him, Nick's feet on their lap. The mass in his arms shifted, trying to get comfortable. "You want me to take her?"

"No. She's okay."They watched each other silently, no words necessary between them.

It had started out as nothing. Just two people at the same party at the same time needing something to pass the night away. They'd begun talking, about Nick's solo, Justin's solo and their respective groups. Nick had always been jealous that while Justin had the support of his OEbrothers', he'd had nothing. Nothing except heartache and an uphill battle that was only getting steeper. He'd put his heart and soul into his record only to have everyone shit all over it.

"Carter. I'm really proud of you man."

At first, Nick had wanted to tell the other man to OEfuck off', he wasn't all that interested in pity and patronization. But something in the way his voice faltered, the honesty in his eyes made Nick bite his tongue. Instead he replied with, "Yeah. I'm sure you are. After watching your boy kick my ass in every which way, I've really got something to be proud of. You don't have to be nice Fatone, we're both grown men. I can take it."

"I'm serious Nick. You did it. YOU. Not your fancy producers. Not the media hyped breakup that will be the talk of the century. Every CD you sold was because of YOU. You may not have had the sales J did, but you did it onyour own. That's something."

Nick remembers thinking that he'd heard something about Joey, never knowing if it was true. Never had he really thought too much about it, he was always busy dealing with one drama after another. But the smoke had settled, life was continuing on as per usual and Nick opened his eyes and SAW Joey. Joey Fatone. The one that no one really paid attention to. The one that had successfully gotten his girlfriend pregnant and somewhat stayed with her, all without the huge backlash that would have resulted had he been a Backstreet Boy. The one that was looking at him with interested eyes, a confident sexy smile and a gap between them which seemed to be getting smaller by the minute. Nick would have loved to say that it was all Joey's doing,

but he'd shifted a few inches himself, needing the closeness.

Nick can't even remember who'd been the one to suggest ditching the party, but he knows that it was a relief. As was the feeling coursing through his body hours later when they had been a tangled mass of sweaty limbs, chests heaving and skin tingling. He was extremely thankful that his sources had been right about Joey, because if they hadn't, Nick sliding to his knees in the older man's limo, only to bring Joey's pants with him and offering to blow his mind would have been highly unappropriate.

"You two look adorable together. Don't move."Joey squeezed Nick's calf before standing up. He returned not more than thirty seconds later with his digital camera in hand. He took about a dozen pictures of the two of them at different angles. Nick leaned in to softly place a kiss on the little girl's nose, Joey capturing that exact moment. "Istill can't believe how good she is with you."

They both knew it was a sign, but neither had wanted to say anything at the time. Brianna wasn't very good with new people, too many bad experiences with overzealous fans making her leery of strangers. But the moment that Joey had introduced her to Nick, she'd crawled directly into his lap and began playing with his hair, stroking his face gently. She'd fallen asleep in his lap, the only way either man could pry her away from him. Joey swore that the only people she was like that with were the guys, and that was just because they'd been there since her birth and she was comfortable with them. Their random hook ups were becoming not so random and not so much of hook ups. It wasn't only about the sex, but sometimes just about the company. The talking. The comfort. It was then that Nick decided he was getting too close, Joey was getting too far in and he had to end it. So he'd tried.

The thing was that Brianna wasn't going to let him go that quickly. Or easily. Afterwards, Joey had said that he had planned on devising a way to convince Nick to not give up on them so quickly, but knew that Brianna was much more convincing than he was. But it had nothing to do with Joey not wanting Nick to stick around. He couldn't even get into how much the thought depressed him.

Nick had successfully stayed away for about a week. It could have been two. He hadn't done much other than get out of bed to order some food and go to the bathroom. It was amazing how important Joey had become to him without him even realizing it. He had gone over to Joey's to drop him off a few things that were his, which was when Brianna put her plan into motion. She'd begged, with tears, that he stay for dinner. Daddy was making pasgetti and everyone loves daddy's pasgetti. Nick couldn't handle the tears, anything but the tears. So he'd agreed to stay for dinner. Which led to her needing a bath. Joey insisted that Nick could go and he'd handle her, but the second the first tear slipped from her beautiful eyes, Nick was a gonner. So he'd given her a bath, then read her not one, not two but three bedtime stories, all the while Joey watching him silently, with adoring eyes. Brianna needed both of them to curl up with her before she could fall asleep, something that Nick understood. The need to feel safe, loved. Cared for. It was once she'd fallen asleep and he and Joey were watching each other over her head that he realized he couldn't live without this. Without them. He'd fallen hopelessly in love with this little girl, something he hadn't even seen coming.

"She loves you so much," Joey commented returning to the balcony. He'd put his camera away and got himself a cup of coffee.

"The feeling's mutual."Nick stroked her back in calming motions, as much for himself as for her.

"I love you so much."His hand faltered, his eyes meeting Joey's. The words were spoken with such emotion that Nick felt his heart swelling and his pulse speeding up. He knew Joey had as many issues as he had, so for him to admit this was a big step for him. Until now, they'd hinted at the depth of their feelings for each other, but nothing had been said. Clarified. Joey had just taken that step, and for the first time Nick didn't have a doubt in his mind.

"I love you too."He was surprised that his voice didn't crack. That it came out with such ease. He'd always had trouble saying those words, but this time it came out naturally. After he'd spoken them, he waited. There was always that gut clenching feeling that came after. The regret. The anxiety. Instead he felt relief flooding his whole body. Relief and a pair of lips attached to the end of his chin in a playful kiss. He looked down to see someone awake and watching him, a big smile on her face.

"Daddy loves Nicky. Nicky loves daddy."She let out a giggle and wrapped her arms around Nick's neck. Turning to face Joey she gave him her best smile. "Hello Daddy."

"Hello princess."

"Come sit."

Nick moved up so Joey could sit behind him, their bodies pressed together tightly on the patio lounge chair. Joey's legs wrapped around Nick's waist, his arms over Nick's. The three of them watching New York City come to life.

It is during the silences that Nick wonders if it was all worth it. If the past ten years have been worth the heartache, the pain and the disallusionment. Were he given an opportunity to go back and change something, alter his fate would he? There once was a time when he thinks he would have said yes. There were decisions he would have liked to make over, knowing then what he knows now. But sitting here, wrapped up in the arms and legs of the person he loves, holding the child that isn't his but he wishes could be, knowing that just now, in 2003, in this exact moment his life is just beginning, he is thankful. Thankful for every tear he's cried. Every person that has abandoned him. Every individual that has betrayed his trust and caused his heart to break. Because he knows, that without them, he wouldn't be who he is today. And who he is is just who these two people want him to be.

And for right now, that's all that matters.

Finis