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Title: Trust Me
Author: Jules
Part: 1/1
Pairing:  TimberNick
Rating:  PG 13
Warning:  Slash warning.  Bigroupal warning.
Disclaimer:  This is fiction for entertainment purposes only.
Notes:  Another story as a result of my overactive imagination.  This is what being bored does to me.  And I seem to be in a highly emotional mood lately.  I have no idea why, but they're all schmoop.  Some are hot lamby schmoop but still, schmoop all the same.  And *sigh* do I ever love Timbernick schmoop.


~~~~~~~

 

They were in love.  Forever love.  Would take a bullet for the other person without even flinching type of love.  The worst part of them being in love was that people automatically said "I knew it" when they found out.  They claimed that  knew that there was always something more between them and assumed that they understood the physics of their relationship.  That what the two of them had was so simple, that they could define it and lay it all out for everyone to see and agree upon.  Everyone had their own theories of how they got together, of how they realized that they were perfect for each other and decided to stop fighting it and just allow for nature to take it's course.

 

That was what frustrated them the most.

 

No one knew what it was like to be them.  No one understood how they felt about each other, let alone why they felt that way.  No one had a clue as to what was really happening behind closed doors or even out in the open.  Their love couldn't be defined.  It couldn't be dissected and picked apart with each aspect thrust under a microscope and analyzed.  It couldn't be, but more so, they wouldn't let it be.

 

Justin squinted his eyes as he looked out the window of his bus.  He had been on the road for what felt like forever and were still nowhere near their destination.  He could feel the walls of the bus closing in on him and panic was pooling in his stomach.  Normally he was fine with touring, loving the freedom of the open road, but lately he had been finding it confining.  Stifling.  Smothering.  He had already cleaned the bus twice, needing something to pass the time and take his mind off of things.  He had scrubbed everything down and sanitized pretty much every surface possible.  When that was done, he had gone through his closets to clean out his unwanted clothes.  It was something he'd been meaning to do for a while but just never got around to doing.  When he had two garbage bags full of clothes that he could give to the Salvation Army he regrettably saw that only an hour had passed.

 

He didn't want to watch a movie.

 

He didn't want to play video games.

 

Even the thought of eating didn't hold his attention.

 

Justin needed to get off of his bus.  He needed to be somewhere other than where he was and as he stood up to pace mini kitchen, he vaguely had a notion that he might be hyperventilating.  Within seconds, he grabbed his cell phone and hit the first number on his speed dial.  A brief smile covered his lips as it rang rather than going directly into voice mail. It meant that they had their phone on and were taking calls.

 

"'Lo?"

 

"Nick?  Help,"  Justin whimpered as he sat down on the bench at the table, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

 

"J?  Is that you?" Nick's voice which had moments earlier been loud and carefree was now serious and concerned.  Justin felt bad but for bothering the blonde, but there was nothing else he could do, no one else he felt comfortable calling.

 

"I'm - I need .  I'm going crazy Nick.  The bus is too small and we've been on the road for hours and hoursÖ"

 

"Shhhhh,"  Nick's voice was comforting over the long distance between them.  Justin could hear him whispering to someone on his end that he had to take the call and couldn't be bothered until he gave them the word.  As he heard Nick walking through, which he figured was probably his big house to a quieter room, Justin smiled.  "J, what's going on? What happened?"

 

Justin tried to take a deep breath but couldn't, his lungs were burning and his body still impossibly tense.  It was difficult to speak in this state and all that escaped were strangled sounds.

 

Nick closed his eyes and tried to relax himself.  Knowing that Justin was having an anxiety attack was making him uneasy, but the last thing Justin needed was him freaking out as well.  "J.  Just try and breathe.  Close your eyes and pretend you're somewhere else.  You're on my boat and we're racing through the ocean.  The huge ocean with so much space and beautiful water around us.  I'm right there babe, can you see me?"

 

"No."

 

Nick frowned.  "Why?"

 

"Because I'm on my fucking bus in the middle of nowhere and you're in LA.  Don't patronize me."

 

"Fuck you Justin.  Now close your goddamned eyes and pretend you're on my fucking boat.  Don't give me shit, just do it."

 

"Screw you."

 

Nick went silent, waiting for Justin to comply.  He knew the younger man would, it would just take some time.  A few minutes passed by before he heard Justin's breathing become less laboured.   "It's not working."  Justin sounded frustrated and Nick knew that another attack would be coming soon if he didn't completely relax him.

 

"Is it just you on the bus?"

 

"Yeah.  Mom's on another bus, so are the guys.  I needed time alone."

 

"Open your eyes J,"  Nick instructed softly.  "Trust me okay?  Where are you?"

 

"At the table.  On the bench in the kitchen."

 

Nick mentally mapped out the layout of Justin's bus and smiled.  He knew exactly what to do.  "Okay, so you're in the kitchenÖ  Look over at the microwave.  Joey's there making some crazy concoction for everyone to eat.  You know how he is when he's bored, always making up new dishes from whatever's left over in the fridge.  Sometimes they're good, but do you remember that casserole he made that one time?  God, was it in Vancouver?  With the rice and the pasta with the tomato sauce?  He didn't have enough so he figured Ketchup would work?"  Nick was hopeful when he heard a soft giggle from Justin.  "So Joey's at the microwave cooking something to eat."

 

"Yeah."

 

"And across from you, Lance is sitting there on his laptop.  The laptop which is surgically implanted to the tips of his fingers.  I don't think I've ever seen that boy without it.  He's working on like fifty different things at once, contracts, emails and the fan fiction he reads and thinks that none of us know about."

 

Justin let out a laugh, this one stronger.  "Do you remember that time we walked in on him beating off to one?  And he was trying so hard to minimize the screen but couldn't get the mouse to work because he was trembling too much?"

 

Nick laughed at the memory.  "And then when you asked him if he had something he wanted to tell me about his feelings about AJ he didn't have to be embarrassed.  I thought he was going to cry right then."

 

"What else Nicky?"  Justin asked, his voice soft like a little child's.  He could feel his body relaxing and his breathing return to normal.

 

"Well, knowing Chris, he's probably sprawled out on the bus floor, playing Nascar Racing or something.  Screaming at the TV as if it's the TV's fault because he sucks."

 

"Not to mention the mess of candy wrappers and Jolt Cola bottles littered around him.  He gets so wired when he has too much sugar, which of course is what makes him eat that last batch of pixie sticks just to annoy the fuck out of us.  Bouncing off of the walls which of course are already too small because there's at least five of us on the bus."

 

"And Jayce, well of course he's curled up on the couch with his notebook and discman on.  His hair pinned back so it doesn't get in his eyes as he works on something.  You know, I never know what he's writing in that damn book.  Lyrics, poetry, just random thoughts.  But there's always things that make you think of certain people, and when I hear a pencil writing furiously on paper, I think of him.

 

Justin looked around his bus and could picture it all in vivid detail.  He could hear the tapping of Lance's fingers on the keyboard, the music from the game system and Chris' cackling in the background.  He could almost smell whatever concoction that Joey was cooking up and could picture JC sitting on the couch, lip caught between his teeth while looking out the window, thinking of what he wanted to write next.  And as clear as the picture was before him, he blinked and instantly it was gone leaving him alone in a huge bus.  The walls didn't seem so confining and the last remnants of his anxiety attack was quickly fading.  "What about you?"

 

"Well baby, if you leave the table, walk past JC and step over Chris you'll make your way to the bunks, and the third bunk on the left?  Well there just might be a surprise waiting for you there."

 

Justin wrinkled his nose.  Third bunk on the left?  That was Chris' bunk, or would have been Chris' bunk had they all been sharing.  Justin had thought about taking the single bus he'd used during the Pop Odessy tour and using that for his solo tour, but decided against it.  With the amount of visitors he'd had, the bus with the separate bunks was more appropriate, plus this bus had a lot of memories for him, and he felt more comfortable with it.  As if it wasn't just him out there alone, but NSYNC with him.  Justin really hadn't checked out the other bunks, only using his own which was at the back, top right hand bunk.  "What?"

 

"Third bunk on the left."

 

Justin unfolded himself from his position on the bench and slowly walked through the bus, still picturing the rest of his guys there.  The bus had never seemed too small when there were five of them cramped there, so the thought of it being too small for him was laughable.  As he reached the bunks he checked the others, jumping when Nick's voice came through the phone.

 

"Third on the left.  Don't be checking the others, ain't nothing there."

 

"Fucker."

 

"Bitch."

 

Both men grinned.

 

Justin held his breath as he fingered the fabric of the curtain.  He had no idea what he was going to find there in the bunk.  Nick hadn't been to visit him on tour in a few weeks and he highly doubted he would have put something there and left it for so long.  Nick wasn't that good at hiding surprises.  So it must have been his mom or someone else.

 

"Stop thinking about it and just do it,"  Nick said impatiently.  Justin snickered and pulled the curtain back revealing a basket of things on the bed.  He let out a squeal and giggled causing for Nick to laugh as well.

 

"So the rumours ARE true.  Justin Timberlake IS a girl!"

 

"Fuck you Carter."  Justin giggled again, climbing onto the bunk amidst the presents.  "What the fuck is this?"

 

"Well, a little birdie informed me that you've been feeling pretty down lately.  So I thought I would do something to cheer you up."

 

Justin blushed as he lay down to get more comfortable.  "The little birdie being my mother I'm guessing."

 

"I can not reveal my sources, just that they said you've been looking lost and upset lately and that they didn't know how to pull you out of it.  So I arranged for a care package to be sent to you."

 

"God, I love you."  Justin whispered.  He hadn't even opened the basket yet,  just the thought that Nick would go through the trouble of arranging all of it was giving him goose bumps.

 

"I was going to leave you a series of emails leading you to Chris' bunk to find the package.  But I can tell by the sound of your voice that you really need this right now.   I knew you wouldn't normally look there, and I had my birdie put it there while you were on stage last night."  Nick smiled as he heard the once forlorn sound of Justin's voice now sound happier.  "I love you too baby, you know I love you.  Why didn't you tell me something's been up?"

 

Justin sighed, blinking back tears.  "I don't know.  You've had so many problems going on lately.  Your grandmother getting sick, your parents getting divorced.  Your mom pretty much ruining any type of relationship you have with the kids and I didn't feel right complaining to you."

 

"You can always complain to me J.  It doesn't matter what's going on in my life, I'll always have time.  Now what's wrong?"

 

"I should be there with you babe.  I should be helping you get through this, not out on this tour.  I'm not where I'm supposed to be and it's fucking killing me."

 

"Stop," Nick sighed and ran a trembling hand through his hair.  He hadn't realized Justin was feeling so guilty about things and felt bad for the younger man.  "You are right where you need to be right now.  Things are too bad here for me to want you in the middle of it.  It's better if you're not here so when I need you, I can come visit you and get away from it.  You're my safe place, you're my refuge and there's no use in both of us being brought down because my family is dysfunctional."

 

"You're not mad at me?  For abandoning you?"

 

"Never.  If I need you, you know I'll call you.  But don't feel guilty.  Please, don't feel guilty."

 

The line went quiet for a few moments and both men blinked back tears they were fighting.  Justin grinned as his arm nudged the basket.  "So you really sent me all this?"

 

Laughing Nick said, "yeah.  Let me tell you it wasn't easy.  Your mom helped with the presentation.  I mailed her everything and she packaged it up."  There was no use denying it was Justin's mother that had phoned him with news about her son's mental state.  "Now open it."

 

Justin first grabbed a leather bound book, opening it to find empty pages.  It was a journal that every so often, Nick had written a  loving note or drawn him a picture.  Next he pulled out a handful of burnt CDs.  Flipping them over he recognized Nick's handwriting.  "What are these CDs babe?"

 

"Look and see for yourself."

 

Justin noticed that Nick had made him mixed cds with themes.  Their favourite slow songs, their favourite songs they liked to dance to, a whole disc of songs that Nick had sang lead on throughout Backstreet as well as his solo career, and then finally a cd of their favourite songs that Nick had covered, just for him.  "Wow."

 

"So you can listen to them and think of me."

 

"Nick, there is never a time that I'm not thinking about you."

 

Continuing through the basket Justin found pictures of the two of them, some of them together, some of just Nick.  He would definitely have to find some scotch tape and put them up on the wall of his bunk so that they were the last thing he would see when he fell asleep at night.  There was also a big teddy bear wearing a jersey, making Justin giggle. The jersey had the initials NC on the front and he brought it to his lips to kiss the nose.  "Is this bear you?"

 

Nick felt his cheeks heat up.  "Sorta."

 

"I love it, it's adorable."

 

Nick had lined the bottom with a tee shirt and Justin stroked the material gently.  He could smell the familiar scent of his lover wafting up from the fabric and felt his stomach flutter.  "Hold on a sec,"  he said, pulling his tee shirt off and putting the new one on.  It was a bit big on him making Justin feel all the more relaxed and safe in it.  "Okay, I had to put the shirt on."

 

"So, do you like them?  The presents?"  Nick asked, pleased in the change from Justin throughout the duration of the phone call.  Justin had suffered from anxiety attacks for as long as he could remember, but never had they been this bad.  Nick had never heard Justin sound so panicked, so desperate and his heart was in his throat knowing that they were so far away from each other and he couldn't do anything to help him.  If need be, Nick was going to book a flight to the nearest airport to where Justin was going to be the next day and fly up there, just to make sure that his lover was okay.

 

"Oh god Nick, you don't now how much this means to me.  I should be doing this for you, but you're always taking care of me."

 

"I do it because I can baby.  And more, I do it because I love you.  You take care of me too so don't even get me started.  But you're okay now?"

 

"I'm perfect."

 

"Good, now get out of Chris' bunk and go to your own."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Don't question me, just do it."

 

"What have you done?"

 

"Just one more present baby," Nick said softly.  "I know you're probably not sleeping at night, because I'm not.  I can't sleep without you hereÖ"

 

"I can't sleep either babe."

 

"So I had your mom do one more thing for me."

 

Justin rolled out of the bunk he was in and stepped the few feet to his own bunk clasping the pictures tight.  He thought about it for a moment before heading into the kitchen and searching through the drawers.

 

"What are you doing?"  Nick asked, confused as to why Justin was making so much noise.

 

"I need tape.  To pin the pictures up."

 

Nick could only laugh.  "You are so a girl Justin.  Do your bandmates know you've got pin ups of Backstreet Boys in your bunks?"

 

"Well, I'll have you know Nickolas, that I've had pin ups of Backstreet Boys up in my bunk since I was fifteen."

 

A delicious shiver ran through Nick's body and he felt his stomach jump in excitement.  "Yeah you have."

 

"I know.  Kevin is just so hot."  They both burst into laughter.  Justin found the tape and grabbed the teddy bear and pictures from Chris' bunk.  "I'm at my bunk."

 

"Climb in."

 

Justin peeled back the curtain and gasped at what he saw, a hunter green bedspread.  A familiar queen sized hunter green bedspread that was too large for such a small bunk.  He ran his fingers over the soft material and grinned.  "You sent me your blanket?"  Justin felt something pick at the back of his mind and lifted the blanket, noticing that his normal blue comforter was gone.

 

"Yeah.  I have yours and you've got mine.  Your mom sent me yours and I sent her mine.  We'll switch next time we're together."

 

Justin shook his head, knowing that Nick couldn't see him but unable to stop it anyways.  "You're not getting this back babe.  Well, maybe when the scent of your house wears off and I need it recharged, but this is mine now."

 

Nick laughed.  "Good, because you're not getting this one back."

 

Justin crawled into his bunk and slid under the blanket.  The temperature on the bus was comfortable, but being under the large blanket it was too hot.  "Hold on a second Nick, I have to turn the air up."  He hit the intercom above his head speaking to the driver, asking him to turn the air conditioner up in the back.  Within seconds Justin could feel the difference and curled up under Nick's comforter.  "Much better.  Now I'm all warm under your blanket."

 

"It's like I'm there with you."

 

"So, what are you up to tonight?"  Justin asked, arranging the pictures on the wall.  He wasn't ready to end the call just yet.

 

"I think I'm gonna go out for dinner.  Howie phoned and was wanting to see me.  Just to make sure everything's cool and that I don't need anything.  Like I can't get it if I want, you know?"

 

"Maybe he's just worried.  It's an excuse to see you because he wants to just make sure you're really okay with things."  Justin was glad that Nick had someone to check up on him once in a while.  He would have to thank Howie the next time he spoke to him for still looking out for Nick.

 

"Yeah.  So we're gonna do dinner and then go out maybe.  We'll see.  How about you?"

 

Once he had the pictures exactly how he wanted them, Justin lay back down and made himself comfortable.  He knew that Nick would stay on the phone as long as he needed him to, just talking about whatever came up even though the initial panic attack was gone.  So as the rest of the world passed him by, Justin closed his eyes and focused intently on the soothing voice speaking to him through the phone connection.

 

That right there was his reason to go on.   His reason to get out of bed in the morning and start his day.  Every breath Justin took was for him, every move he made was with Nick in mind, because he knew that somewhere, even though they were apart, his lover was doing the same thing.

 

Finis

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