Title:Waiting Author:Jules Part:1/1 Pairing:Nick/Justin Rating: PG Feedback:Love it! - mailto:slash_me_baby@yahoo.com Disclaimer:I don't know either of these men. Don't think they're together... although would find it rather fantastic if they were. Fiction. Warning:Slash warning. Schmoop warning. Fluff warning. Angst warning (I'm in an emotional place right now with my fics... *shrugs*) Waiting by Jules Looking out the window, Nick watched as the sun set beautifully over the ocean. It was supposed to be the one place that he could come and relax. The place where no one could touch him and he knew he was completely free. His solace from the bright lights and loud screams. But now, now sitting here in the large bay window he was feeling anything but relaxed. Anything but free. His mind was on the fact that at any time, his happiness would be ripped away from him leaving his heart broken and bruised, no hopes of repair. The situation was that serious, the damage that imminent and the worst part was that he had no control over the situation. And there was nothing he hated more than loss of control. Watching a bird swoop down and pick at something just below the water's surface Nick felt much like the defenseless fish he saw hanging from the sea gull's mouth. Caught somewhere he didn't want to be, unsure of where his future lay. The bird could easily drop it in the process of flight, giving it his life and freedom back, but at the same time the fish may in fact find itself dinner, no chance at survival. It's exactly how he felt, caught between a rock and a hard place. Flying through the air, wondering if he would be dropped to the safety of the water, or eaten alive. And as much as he was hoping it was the former, he just wanted the answer he was looking for to end his suffering. He hadn't moved from his spot on the window seat for almost 32 hours. Well almost. He'd gotten up to pee when his bladder was so full it was almost painful. He shuffled slowly to the bathroom connected to his room, relieved himself and went back to his seat, leaning against the wall sorrowfully. Hoping that the reason it was taking so long wasn't the bad news he had feared. The ache of stiff muscles had long set in, his legs falling asleep frequently due to the lack of movement. He was exhausted, mentally and physically but couldn't find sleep, that luxury eluding him. Every time he closed his eyes he saw their face, their smile, their beautiful eyes that he got lost in every time they gazed into each others' eyes. Nick could pin point the exact moment he fell in love with Justin. It was a cold night in Germany when they had run into one another at some hotel. They were both staying in the same town, and although they'd known each other, they really hadn't gotten to know one another that well. Kevin had just finished yelling at Nick for some prank or another, reminding him how homesick he was. How much he hated the constant touring and being away from his family and friends. He'd fled his hotel room and Kevin's ranting only to hide in the laundry room, certain no one would look for him there. It was there that he had heard quiet sobbing, and when he pulled the towels away from the cart, he saw a teary eyed Justin, curled up in a tight ball. He had no idea what to do and when Justin didn't stop crying, Nick knew it was serious. It had to be because no 15 year old boy cries in front of anyone if he can help it. Doing what came naturally to him, Nick crawled into the small space with Justin and wrapped his arms around him, rocking him back and forth until the crying subsided. It was a few hours later after they'd talked about anything they could think of that Justin had confided in Nick why he was crying. He was different. He was bad. He was gay. Nick stared at him stunned, not knowing what to say. "I like guys. Doesn't that freak you out?" Justin said,

		expecting Nick to pull his arm away and go running. "No. Should it?"Nick's eyes were focused solely on Justin's, his arm not moving from his shoulders. Now Justin was confused. He wasn't expecting that reaction. "Besides.. Why would you liking boys freak me out if I like them too... You don't think I'm bad am I? That I'm wrong?" "Oh... wow. Of course I don't. Everyone else seemed grossed out about it. That's why I'm here. I had to get away from them. The way they looked at me. The way they wouldn't touch me."Justin had whispered, his fingers playing nervously with the hem of Nick's tee shirt. "Shhh. I'm sure they were just surprised Justin. They don't hate you. They're your brothers..." And that night they talked until the morning crew came, busting their hiding place. But somewhere amidst the towels and linen, Nick fell in love with Justin. The way he curled against him as he cried, leaning on him for support. The way he laughed at something silly Nick told him. But most of all the way he looked at Nick like he was a person. Not some brat who was always underfoot, but someone real. Someone worth loving. They had both been in a great amount of trouble once both camps found them, reaming them out for their insensitivity and immaturity. They'd been looking for both kids all night, spending the time worrying that something had happened to them. But as they were both getting yelled at, they shared a secret smile knowing that they'd finally found someone who understood what it was like to be them. And they weren't alone anymore. Nick sighed, hearing his phone ring. He didn't care who it was or what they wanted. He knew if it were Justin, he'd just come over, not call. And seeing that Justin was the only one Nick was interested in talking to, in seeing at that particular moment, the call would have to wait. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the cool glass of the window wondering again what was taking so long. After that time in Germany, Nick and Justin remained in contact. Surprisingly, no one knew about their close friendship. They would email each other almost daily, talk on the phone and had secret signals for when they were at functions together. They knew that no matter what happened, the other would be able to understand, and somewhere along the way their friendship turned into more. It was Christmas time. Nick was home alone,no one to share the holiday's with. The guys had all gone to their respective families and his own hadn't been able to find the time to visit him. He was 19 and alone for Christmas, one of the most depressing times of his life. He woke up early Christmas morning to Christmas carols playing downstairs, wondering who had gotten into his house. He was shocked to find a fully decorated Christmas tree in his living room, presents underneath filling the space between the bottom branches and the floor. As he made his way into the kitchen, he found Justin at his stove, making them both breakfast, a smile on his face. "What are you doing here?" Nick asked, never so happy to see his friend in his life. "You aren't spending Christmas alone Nick. I came here to be with you." "But it's your first Christmas home in god knows how long Jus... Shouldn't you be in Tennessee? With your family?"Nick could feel the tears filling his eyes, no one ever doing something as sweet and special for him. "I was home... and then realized that the entire time I was there I was thinking about you. Where you were. What you were doing. The fact that you're alone. And so I told mom that I had somewhere I needed to be and left. Caught a flight to Tampa and drove here. I wanted to be with you."Justin had turned around and was now facing Nick, the emotion filling the room overwhelming both of them. "Is this okay?"He asked, suddenly worried that Nick didn't feel the same way about him. Didn't spend nights awake, thinking about him. Loving him. Wanting him. "Jus... It's more than okay. Oh god... All I have been thinking about is how badly I wanted you here. How much I miss you and need you."Nick was instantly in front of Justin, his hands cupping the younger man's

		face tenderly. "Are you sure Nick? I don't want this to be weird..." Justin breathed, his eyes fluttering shut and his heart racing wildly. "I can't lie to you anymore. I can't lie to myself Justin. I'm in love with you. More in love with you than I've ever been with anyone in my life and I know you're one of my best friends... but I want so much more."Nick held his breath as he waited for Justin's reaction. It came in the form of a smile and a long exhale. "You don't know how long I've wanted to hear you say that Nick."Justin replied opening his eyes to lock with Nick's. Nick felt his cheeks heat up as he remembered that first kiss, his lips tingling as if Justin were actually there with him. He raised his fingers to touch his lips, almost disappointed to find them cold and dry. A tear slipped down his cheek and he scolded himself for getting so caught up in his emotions, so dependent on someone else for his own happiness. Granted, the weeks and months following that Christmas hadn't been easy, both men were busy with their successful careers. But they made the relationship work. It was easy when the other person had a direct knowledge of the business you were in, making jealousy less of a factor. If Nick had to cancel on a weekend alone with Justin because of a charity show, the younger man understood. And if Justin had to do some last minute recording for the new CD, Nick understood. Although both groups knew that they were gay, neither had been told of their relationship. As far as they knew, the two men were simply friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Until just a few months ago. They'd been together for almost 2 years and he thought it was time to tell them, let them in on their secret. Nick and Justin had talked about it and both men agreed that it was time. They wanted to make sure that their best friends were okay with the idea of them seeing someone from their biggest competition and now that both groups were on hiatus, neither sure when they would be recording together again. Nick was planning on doing his own CD, as was Justin. They figured that it was a perfect time to reveal their relationship. Justin had just publicly broken up with Britney for good, their relationship a cover for Nick and Justin's. Britney was the only one that had known they were together, and knowing how much the blonde Backstreet Boy meant Justin, she agreed to help cover things up for them. Make it easier. Nick went first. He invited the guys to his house in Marathon and had a barbeque. Once they'd finished eating he told them they needed to talk. And then proceeded to tell his four best friends in the world that he was in love. Forever love. As in one day have a commitment ceremony and announce it to the world in love. Their support was almost shocking to Nick, as he wasn't figuring things would be that easy for him. He was almost certain that they'd have something to say, his going public was always a topic of controversy between them and management, and even between them themselves a few times. But they had agreed that it was time for them to start living their lives for themselves. Half the battle was fought. Now for the hard part. "It's Justin Timberlake."He'd blurted out, closing his eyes tightly and waiting for the screaming to begin. It never came. He was surprised to find out that they'd always suspected that his relationship with the younger man was more than platonic, and even if it wasn't, there was something special between them. They had noticed a huge difference in him after that night they'd spent together in the laundry room in Germany, and knew it was only a matter of time before the two figured it out for themselves. Things had gone so well with the guys, Nick decided that it was time to do the same with his family. Which would be considerably harder mainly because where the guys knew he was gay, his family had no clue. He'd always dated girls and he knew his parents expected him to settle down eventually and get married. Needless to say that conversation did not go as well as the one with the guys had. Nick sighed as his parents' voices rang through his head. The words they'd screamed at him, the cries from his mother and the sound of the door slamming as he was told to leave and never come back. It had been the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, but he knew Justin was worth it. They were worth it. With tears in his eyes, and a note that Aaron had slipped into his hand before leaving, he drove the short distance to Justin's house, explaining to him everything that had just happened. He was met with silence.

		"You told your parents?" Nick nodded, a fresh wave of tears falling. "Whoa." Nick had expected a little more than that from his lover. But as he looked into his eyes, he saw fear and shock. That was not a good sign. "I thought that since I told the guys, I would also tell my parents. Baby, this is forever and I want everyone to know eventually. Why not start with the people closest to me?" "But look what happened baby. I thought it was just going to be the guys..." Nick stopped crying and looked at Justin, his head hurting and stomach churning. "But..." "I don't know if I can tell my parents Nicky...Not yet." "But won't they find out eventually?" Justin's silence was enough for Nick and he stood, legs shaky. "I see."Without another word, he walked out the door, the sound covering that of his heart breaking. They didn't talk for a week, both more miserable than the other. Neither knew what to do or what to say. It was almost 3 am when Nick heard the door to his bedroom open, a figure standing in the frame. He opened his eyes and felt the bed dip beside him. As he was about to say something, he recognized the sound of sniffling followed by a muffled sob and closed his mouth. Silently, he extended his arms and pulled Justin down, engulfing him in a warm comforting embrace. They lay there together, crying for things they could not change and a love they knew was endless. As they both relaxed into each other's arms Nick heard Justin's soft voice. "I don't know if I can do it. I don't know how they'll react." "You know I'll be here no matter what."Nick assured him, running his fingers over his lover's stubbly head. "I told the guys this week. They said that they knew all along. Even before we did really."Justin let out a soft laugh, which Nick joined in on. "That's what my guys said too." "They said that whatever made me happy, made them happy and congratulations. They were a little upset that we hid it from them but understood." Nick listened quietly, placing a kiss on Justin's head every once in a while to let him know he was still listening. Silence once again fell over them and their breathing became more relaxed and steady. He was nearly asleep when Nick heard Justin mumble something against his chest. "I'm going home tomorrow. Home to Tennessee." And Nick knew what that meant. He was going to tell his family. Or at least try. Instinctively he tightened his arms around his lover's body, letting him know that no matter what. He'd be there for him. And that was the last he'd seen of Justin. When he woke up the next morning he was alone. No note. No indication that he'd been there the night before. Nothing.

		Justin never left nothing. This was not a good sign. He'd gotten out of bed and showered, attempting to make something to eat. When he realized that it was useless he made his way back up to his bedroom and sat down in the window, only moving to go to the bathroom. Once. He shifted and felt his muscles protest against the movement. The pain was welcome, letting him know that he was still alive. The rest of him was completely numb. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm his nerves, tears no longer falling. He was cried out. He didn't think he could cry if he was offered a million dollars. But that was fine, he already had that. A hundred times over. He didn't want money. He wanted Justin. He wasn't sure how much time had passed. He'd fallen asleep. But as his eyes fluttered open, he watched the sun rise. Hadn't it just set a few hours ago? Checking the clock beside his bed he saw that in fact 8 hours had passed. And he hadn't moved. Feeling his stomach growl he thought that food would be a good idea. Lacking energy was his reason for remaining put, food a distant thought in his mind. His stomach growled in defiance again, reminding him that it needed sustenance to survive. He only put a hand over it, knowing that eventually it would quiet down. "You really should eat something. I've never heard it that loud before."A voice broke through the room, startling Nick from his reverie. He turned around in the window seat so fast he nearly fell off, his long legs breaking his fall. "You... Here... How..." Justin simply let out a shaky laugh, running his hand over his head. "Me. Here. Plane." "But?" "But what?" "I thought..." "Now what have I told you about that baby? It gets you into trouble every time."Justin joked with a smile. It was clear that Nick wasn't moving, the shock too much for him so Justin walked to his lover. He wasn't sure what he should expect coming back after leaving so suddenly and without any note, but the sight he was met with was not it. It looked as though Nick hadn't showered or even slept since he'd left, sadness etched into his beautiful face, his bright eyes dim from heartbreak. Justin felt a pang of regret knowing that it was because of him, but knew that if he hadn't left when he did he never would have. Going to Nick's that night and being in his arms made him realize that nothing outside of their love mattered. If people didn't understand, didn't support them then he didn't need them. And with that new found strength, he knew what he had to do. Nick tried to laugh but it came out as a sob. Evidently he had not used up all his tears in the past 40 hours. The longest 40 hours of his life. Instantly he found himself in Justin's embrace, his face pressed tightly against his chest, inhaling the familiar scent that always made his knees weak. "Where did you go?" "I told you. I had to go back to Tennessee. Had some long overdue business to conduct."Justin said, leading them towards the bed and pushing Nick down, climbing up to join him. He pressed the older man back onto the bed and lay face to face with him, running his fingers through his spiky blonde hair. He saw the fear in Nick's eyes and kissed his nose, then his forehead softly. "And?"

		"And my mom wants to kick both our asses." Nick stiffened, his pulse racing. He felt his stomach churn. "Oh." "Yeah. Apparently she was more upset that I'd hid this from her for so long instead of talking to her about it. She'd had an idea but wasn't sure, the whole thing with Brit threw her off. She was sure we were together but then when I was dating Britney she thought she'd misread the signs. And she wanted to know why the hell I didn't bring you with me if I was going to come out and tell them I was in love with you and am spending my whole life with you." It took a few minutes for what Justin had said to get through and Nick jerked to a seating position when he realized it. "She wasn't angry?" "Not a bit." "She doesn't hate us? Hate me?" "Of course not. And I told her what your parents said to you, how they reacted." Nick blushed and curled his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around them protectively. Justin was up and embraced him instantly, kissing and stroking his cheek. "She said that it's better we know now and not to worry. Because her and Paul love you more than enough for it to be a problem. We don't need your parents Nicky. Mom and Paul want us to come down as soon as possible. They want to see you, talk to you. Show you that you're a part of our family." "You want to spend your whole life with me?"Nick's eyes were wet, his whole body shaking from the emotions that were flowing through him. "Oh god baby. Of course I do. Don't ever doubt that. I love you." Justin saw the fragile emotional state Nick was in and pulled him to lay back, relaxing him by massaging his back and arms. He spooned up behind him, wrapping his long lean body around his lover's so that every inch was touching each other. When he'd finally succeeded in calming the older man down, he dared to ask the question on his mind. "Nicky? You've been in the window since I left haven't you?" "Mmm-hmmm"Nick answered, entwining his fingers with Justin's on his stomach. "What were you doing?" "Watching the ocean." "And?"Justin knew it had to be more than that. Nick looked like he wasn't seeing much of anything when he had stepped in. "Waiting."Nick's voice was soft and sleepy and Justin knew it was a matter of time before he fell asleep. "What were you waiting for baby?" "For you."

		"Me?" "Yeah. To come and break my heart." Justin felt his heart constrict in his throat, his stomach clench. "Well baby you're gonna be waiting a long time for that to happen. Because I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you don't have to worry about that. I never plan on doing anything to break your heart. It's locked up where mine used to be." "Used to be?" "Yeah. I gave you mine years ago baby." "I love you Justin. No matter what..." "I love you too baby." Nick felt Justin relax against his back and allowed for his body to completely let go. The past two days had been hell, and to be there, in Justin's arms was heaven. He'd been waiting for 40 hours for his life to end, for his reason for living to simply walk into his life and that hadn't happened. His life wasn't over, it was just beginning. Their friends and family now knew. The world didn't seem so scary. But that was something they'd have to tackle later. Right now he was busy. Finis