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Title: When You Can't Go Home Again
Author: Jules
Part: 1/1
Pairing: Nick/JC
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Fiction for entertainment purposes. I don't claim that any of this is true.
Warning: Slash warning. Bigroupal warning. Angst warning. Heavy angst warning.
Notes: Written for Kristin's JC Winter Challenge. My second story for the challenge.. the muses took a nibblet of an idea and ran with it. This was what I came up with.

One word frees us
Of all the weight and pain in life,
That word is Love
~ by Socrates ~

~~~

When Josh had decided to move out of his parents house, he thought things could only get better. Although his parents had been somewhat accepting of his 'lifestyle choice', he knew that he couldn't stay there. There was no possible way for him to stay true to himself while at the same time live up to his parents' expectations of him. First of all, they kept referring to his sexuality as 'that phase you're going through', as if it would suddenly pass one day. As if he would wake up from a good night's sleep and suddenly be attracted to women again. As if he'd been attracted to them in the first place.

Second of all, his mother kept reminding him of all those nice girls he'd dated, asking what about them, failing to remember just how awful the dates she'd set him up on were. Like he needed to be reminded that he had dated women before and maybe he should just keep looking, that he hadn't found the right one yet.

Third was the rules. The rules that although they understood that he was choosing to be ...well Josh hadn't actually heard them say the word 'gay', he knew what they meant and although they understood he was choosing to be gay, he couldn't be gay in their house. He couldn't be gay or participate in any gay activities while living with them. Josh had a problem with that because now all of his male friends, straight, bi or otherwise were scrutinized and no matter what was going on, his parents were convinced it was his 'gayness' and they were doing unspeakable acts of deviance.

So he had to leave. Despite what his parents said about understanding why he was moving out, he knew they didn't. They assumed he was moving out so that he could live out his homosexual desires without fear of being caught. That... actually was true. Not the part where he was afraid of being caught at home, that he didn't care about, but he was moving out so that he could openly live out his homosexual desires, so he couldn't hold that against them. But they also assumed that he was simply falling deeper and farther into his world of denial of what was right and wrong, as if the lines were that definitive and it was this or that, not some grey matter in between. They assumed that he would be on his own for a few weeks and realize the mistake he'd made. Josh was determined not to prove them right on the last count, he knew he could make it on his own, he just hadn't tried up until now.

He didn't have much money saved, but it was enough to find himself a one bedroom in an affordable building, at least for the time being. A friend of a friend hooked him up with the building supervisor's number and he'd made a phone call which ultimately landed him the living accommodations. As understanding as his parents had been up until that point, it seemed to end as he'd moved the final box from their house to his car. "You do realize Joshua, now that you're out of our house, you are no longer our responsibility." If he hadn't known it before, it was clear as day now. He hadn't expected any less, but hoped for the better. His mother simply stood in the living room window, crying softly into a fist full of Kleenex.

"Yes sir." He had a second thought for about a fraction of a second, but then life living under their rules, with their expectations flashed in his mind. His piece of mind would be safer living anywhere other than in his parents house, no matter how desperate or desolate things would get. He was making a decision, his parents love and support or life on his own, Josh had to choose his own.

"I'm serious son. Think about this for a minute. Is it worth it? Is being gay worth it?"

Josh shook his head sadly. "It's not about that dad. It's not a matter of me being gay or not, I am, no matter what either of us say. It's a matter of living with it and accepting who I am. I have, I just wish you and mom would too."

"Don't drag us into it Joshua. This is your thing, not ours."

And that was that, nothing he could say or do would change his father's mind. He was making the right choice in leaving, he had to be. There was no alternative option, at lest not in his own heart. Now he just had to figure out how to make ends meet, a feat impossible unto itself.

~~~

The first time the phone rang in his new place, Josh nearly jumped out of his skin. He'd left his phone number taped to the refrigerator at home, but doubted that it was his parents swallowing their pride and calling him to see how their only son was doing. There had been many a day and night that he'd hoped they would realize how much they missed having him around, how silly it was to cut all ties with him over something he couldn't change, wouldn't change if he could. But the phone hadn't rang yet and he seriously doubted that it was them now. Only a handful of other people had the number, so as his heart was returning to normal he answered the phone. "Hello?"

"I'm so sorry for bailing on you. I really did want to help you move, I just got tied up."

Josh rolled his eyes and laughed. "I'll bet you did, literally." He heard the voice on the other end of the phone laugh. The man on the other end of the line was his best friend Kevin, someone who Josh could not have managed to live without through his coming out ordeal. Kevin's refusal to dispute the accusation of being tied up only caused for Josh to laugh harder. "God, what did he do this time?"

"Nothing I'm sure you'd want to hear about. And besides, last time I told you what we do in the bedroom, Justin wouldn't touch me for a week, and when he finally did he kept saying 'I'll bet you'll tell Josh we did this...' or 'and you can tell Josh about this too..'. So keep your nosy nose to yourself. You're my best friend, but not worth being cut off from J for."

"Oh please Kev, get a few drinks in you and you'll tell anyone who will listen what goes on in your bedroom. How you've got a kid eleven years younger than you who does pretty much everything you want him to, and things even YOU haven't thought of before. So don't play the innocent victim..."

"Yeah yeah. Fuck you too Josh," Kevin chuckled lightheartedly. "So what's going on? How are things? I've been meaning to call sooner."

Josh sighed, not sure if he should be completely forthcoming with information or just play everything lightly. Unfortunately his best friend knew him too well.

"And don't blow sunshine out my ass and tell me everything's fine when it's not. I don't want to hear that shit."

"Terrible. I've gone over my finances and I'm going to have to find something else if I want to make ends meet."

He heard Kevin moan softly in sympathy. "Man. Something else as in living conditions, or something else as in another job?"

"Something else as in another job. There's no way I'm going to find anything better than this, rent wise, neighborhood wise or other. It's just, the job at the restaurant doesn't pay me enough, so I'm going to have to find something on the side."

"If you need money.." Kevin started to say, only cut off by JC's refusal to listen.

"I told you, I can't do that. I know you said it wasn't a loan but a gift, but I can't. This has to be done on my terms."

"Fine, you can pay me back..."

"NO." JC's voice was hard and sharp. Kevin knew when to stop.

"Fine. Just know that I'm here whenever you need me."

They talked for a short while longer until Kevin heard someone at his front door. "J's home, so I should go. But we're thinking we might go for a drink later on, some thing going on at the campus. Justin's been talking about it for weeks. You wanna come with? Keep me sane?"

JC snorted. "You mean keep you busy while he gets loaded and then you two sneak off somewhere to fuck?"

Kevin pretended to think for a minute. "Yeah, pretty much. So you in?"

Looking around his nearly empty room he sighed. The last thing he needed was to be holing himself up in his room, feeling depressed and throwing himself a pity party. He'd start looking for something tomorrow. "Yeah, pick me up on the way."

It was after ten when JC climbed into Kevin's car, Justin smiling at him from the front seat. "We have to throw you a housewarming party. Tell me what you need and we'll put the buzz out."

Feeling embarrassed by the lack of possessions he had, JC shook his head. "No way. I don't need a housewarming party. the last thing I need is people at my place when it's empty and looking pathetic."

Rolling his eyes, Justin turned around. "Duh, Jayce. Of course it's empty. No one has furniture when they first move in. That's why you have housewarming parties. So people bring you shit, doesn't cost you anything."

"I'm serious Justin, I have almost nothing. NOTHING. I went down to the salvation army and got a ratty old couch, but that's about it. That and a coffee table I'm using as my dining room table is it."

"Good, more room for people to hang out. I hate it when I'm at parties and there's not enough room."

JC looked at Kevin for help who just shrugged. When Justin got an idea, it was hard to distract him, so it was sometimes best to just let him go until he ran out of steam. JC tuned back in to hear the end of Justin's ramblings. "...and so we'll have it like, next Saturday. Three days isn't enough time to get enough people interested and things planned. So how does that sound?"

It wasn't as if Justin was asking him for permission but telling him. Resigned, JC simply nodded. "Sure, fine."

"And if you don't tell me what you need... you know, never mind. I'm coming over this weekend to check things out. I know my parents gave us shit that I don't need and we've got it in storage. We'll see what you need after that and go from there."

As embarrassed as JC knew he should be, having his friends pretty much furnish his home, he was equally as grateful that he had such loving and caring friends. When they'd heard he was moving out of his parents house and the conditions that it was taking place, they'd all rallied and told him that if he needed anything just to call. He'd even taken a few people up on that offer, especially with moving his meager possessions, needing a place to stay for the few days he'd had to have the apartment repainted and fumigated. And knowing Justin, they'd not only be coming to the party, but bringing gifts as well. "Thanks."

Kevin met his eyes in the rear view mirror, flashing him a sympathetic smile. "Josh, you know we love you and we'd do anything for you. I wish you'd let me give you money..." Before he could say anything, Kevin averted his eyes back to the road and continued speaking. "I know.. I know, but I wish you'd let us help you more. You're always there for us when we need something, it's time someone gave that back to you."

JC fought not to cry, the emotional aspect of the last few weeks catching up to him and hitting him like a ton of bricks. "I know Kev, thank you."

They were at the bar on campus so all conversation was curbed until they were inside the smoky, loud environment. "What's going on here again?" JC asked, as Justin took off towards the bar. Kevin and JC found a table midway through the room. They sat down and looked at everyone around them, suddenly feeling a lot older.

"Some band. A guy that Justin knows, they might be getting a record contract. I have no idea." Kevin shrugged as he watched a guy wearing low slung jeans and a tight tee shirt walk by.

"His name is Nick and they're going to be so fucking famous one day," Justin sat a pitcher of beer and three glasses down on the table before taking his seat. He poured them all a glass and proposed a toast. "To Jayce being free to be gay. May you live long, play hard and fuck lots."

All three men laughed before clinking glasses and chugging the first drink. It was customary for the three of them to drain the first drink in one gulp. Within moments, their glasses were filled again and they each sat back to enjoy a little conversation before the band was to go on.

>From what JC gathered, Justin knew Nick from classes as well as the varsity basketball team. Justin was majoring in psychology ...
...snip...
>... had informed Nick he was full out gay, Nick was more on the bi side, not exactly particular on what package the person came in.

As Justin was explaining the history between him and Nick, as well as Nicks band's impending record contract, something caught JC's eye and he turned his head to see the most beautiful specimen that God had ever created. The man was at least six feet tall, shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes and pink pouty lips that were begging to be kissed and perhaps bitten. He was stocky and broad, his physique causing for JC's groin to throb. The blonde ran his fingers through his hair slowly, causing for his arm to flex, showing a hint of a tattoo from underneath his short sleeves. The front of his shirt said "Rebel" and JC had a feeling that the man was more than a rebel, he was something more, something that couldn't be defined, something.... JC's heart stopped when the blonde stopped right in front of him, smiling at him kindly. He gasped softly and quickly looked away, feeling his cheeks flare up.

"Hey."

"Uhhh, hi." JC squeaked, knowing how obvious it had been that he was staring. Unable to stop himself, he looked up to see a slightly confused look on the blonde's face. Seconds later he'd averted his eyes past JC again, landing on Justin.

"J, you made it. Wicked."

Justin was on his feet in a second, shaking the blonde's hand enthusiastically. "Bro, I told you we'd be here. The last thing I need is you getting all fucking famous and shit and then being like 'we had this one fan Justin, but he was a lazy ass motherfucker who couldn't even come and see us when we were playing U Tampa so why should we be giving him tickets now?'" Both men broke into laughter while JC watched with wide eyes. "Nick, this is Kev, Kev, Nick."

Nick and Kevin exchanged pleasantries, the older man sizing the blonde up discreetly. If Nick noticed, he didn't show it. "Kevin, nice to meet you man. J talks about you incessantly. I almost thought he made you up or some shit."

Kevin laughed but it sounded slightly forced. JC could tell that his best friend was feeling somewhat threatened by Nick's presence in his lover's life, especially with how hot he was. "No, I'm real. Don't worry about that."

This time Nick did notice Kevin's discomfort and gave a pleasant chuckle. "Don't worry man. I'm not into private property. I like my real estate free and clear."

Justin and JC both held their breath, waiting for Kevin's reaction to Nick's comment. They both exhaled in relief when Kevin simply laughed and shook Nick's hand again, this time with a warmth that had been lacking the first time. "As long as we're both clear on that."

"Crystal clear dude. It wasn't ever like that with him, even in that ten seconds between when we met and when he told me he had a hot ass motherfucker of a boyfriend so I could back the hell off on any notions of us hooking up," Nick winked at Justin who rolled his eyes in response. Kevin and JC both laughed, JC feeling somewhat removed from the whole conversation. They were all sitting now and no introductions had been made for him yet. JC wasn't complaining because it gave him time to gape unabashedly at the blonde god in front of him. It was then that the blonde god turned to him, lips curled in a smirk and blue eyes twinkling.

"You I don't know though," Nick turned to Justin and shrugged. "You gonna introduce us?"

"Nick, this is Josh. JC actually. Jayce, this is Nick."

"Nice to meet you Josh," Nick said extending his hand for JC to shake. When he did grasp the blonde's hand in his own, JC shivered at the rough skin he encountered. Nick must have noticed because he pulled his hand back and looked down sheepishly at it. "Sorry, drummer's hands. Callouses from the sticks. It's gotta hurt just a little for it to be good."

JC had intended on saying something, but hearing that caused for him to whimper softly, a sound which brought a blush to his cheeks. Everyone at the table giggled and he simply looked away, embarrassed. When he looked back at Nick, the blonde winked and smiled at him. JC could only smile shyly back.

"So what time you on?" Justin asked, drinking the remainder of the beer in his glass.

"Eleven thirty," Nick shrugged before standing up. "I'll go get you some more beer. It's free for us so I'll just say that you're with the band."

The second Nick was out of earshot from the table JC let out a deep sigh. "Fuck." Justin and Kevin both gave him knowing looks. "What?"

"God, throw him down and fuck him right there why don't you!" Justin wiggled his eyebrows and smirked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," JC tried to play it off but knew he was unsuccessful.

"Oh please. Judging from the way you've been eyeing him since he sat down..." Kevin started to say. He stopped as Justin warned him Nick was coming back. "You're hot for him..." Kevin whispered as the blonde set the pitcher down on the table.

"I gotta go for a bit. We're going to go over some of the new stuff before we go on tonight. I wrote a few new songs that still need to be tweaked.."

"If you need any help, Jayce could probably help you!" Justin offered, yelping as a foot kicked him from under the table.

"Oh?" Nick raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, he's classically trained," Justin shot JC a menacing look before turning back to Nick. "He writes his own music, own songs too. If you're stuck on anything, Jayce'll help you."

The whole table looked at JC who shrugged in embarrassment. "Uhhh, yeah. If you want of course."

Nick paused, as if seriously contemplating the thought. "Okay. I'll let you know. Thanks." With that, the blonde was gone.

"What are you doing?" JC hissed, kicking Justin a few more times.

"Getting you on the inside. I told you he's bi, you're hot for him. He'd probably fuck you.. what's the problem?"

That brought forth a bout of laughter from Kevin who shook his head. "Really complimentary J. What I think he means is that you're a hot guy Jayce. A lot of guys would be interested in you, contrary to what you think. So Justin's just giving you a chance to spend time with Nick, see if something could happen."

JC stared at Nick who was leaning over a table, going over notes with someone JC assumed was in the band. The blonde looked up for a fraction of a second, their eyes met briefly before Nick looked back down, barely acknowledging the contact. JC slumped in his chair, resigned. "Fine."

"Look at it this way, if he calls, great. If not, no harm done," Justin put his hand on JC's arm comfortingly and JC saw the concern in the younger man's eyes. He knew that Justin was doing it to help and hadn't meant any harm by it.

"Okay. Thanks."

If JC hadn't been creaming in his pants just at the sight of Nick Carter walking confidently throughout the crowded bar, he sure as hell was watching the blonde in the throes of excitement on stage. The band had taken the stage on time and were to play an hour long set. It was unclear whether JC had blinked once in that whole hour. Breathing was questionable too. Nick had done vocals on a few of the songs, but mostly hung out in the back and played the drums.

By the time they were finished, he was sweating profusely, his black tee shirt soaked and plastered to his skin, his blonde hair matted to his face which was pink with exertion. JC wondered if his erection was ever going to go down, he didn't think so.

He was alternately anxious to see Nick to tell him how great he thought the band was, and nervous to be face to face with the blonde especially with the visual images logged in his brain. As great as Nick was, as much as he'd enjoyed the performance, they were in need of fine tuning. There were a few songs that were being played in the wrong notes and things that needed to be cleaned up a little, but nothing a bit of work and time wouldn't correct. It was clear that Nick was a hell of a drummer, and his singing voice wasn't all that bad either. Unfortunately, JC didn't get a chance to talk to Nick after the show. After all of the debating and running through conversation in his mind of what he was going to say to Nick when face to face with him, Nick had signaled to Justin that he was going to be a while, and Kevin had to be at work early the next day. JC too.

That night when JC crawled into the makeshift bed which consisted of a mattress and some blankets on the floor, he didn't even bother pretending it wasn't the image of Nick all hot and sweaty after playing the drums that he was jerking off to. Blonde hair, blue eyes and bright pink lips clouded his vision. The sound of Nick singing played in his ears and if he tried really hard, it was as if the blonde was there in the room with him, the one to get him off.

*~*~*~

It had taken a phone call from Kevin to land Josh a well paying job. Okay, so better paying than the job he currently had, but it was still far from what he ultimately wanted to be doing or making. Initially, Josh had been hesitant in accepting the interview, but when the man insisted that he'd been the one seeking out Kevin's assistance in finding him suitable help, he found it hard to be angry at his best friend. Anton Stevens, Tony as he'd insisted JC call him, had been looking for someone to manage his office in an assistant's position. Answer phones, sort mail, send out invoices and other office related items, that was what he needed someone to do and the last few girls that he'd hired had barely been able to type out their own name, let alone do anything unsupervised. He and Kevin had been business associates for a long time and so he'd mentioned casually if Kevin knew of anyone who needed work and would be suitable for the job, to let him know. Kevin had given Tony, JC's name
 and the rest was history. It wasn't until the subject of salary came up that JC's mind was made up.

"And the hours are eight to three?"

"Eight to three, nine to four... if you can do it in less, that's fine. I've got pretty casual hours of operation. We can work things out as they come. You interested?"

JC couldn't justifiably turn it down.

"Good, you start next Monday kid."

So there he had it, he'd work Monday to Friday from 8 to three, then Wednesday through Saturday he'd be working at the restaurant from five to midnight. Kevin was the first person he'd called upon hanging up with Tony. "I just wanted to say thank you Kev...."

"No need Jayce. I'm just glad you're not mad."

"I was," JC admitted. "But then he explained things and I realize you're not meddling. You're concerned."

"Yeah, well you should be concerned. Justin's got this whole party planned for Saturday. He's talking food, music, booze..."

JC chuckled and just imagined what the younger man was up to. As promised, Justin had stopped by a few days after they'd gone to see Nick's band and took stock of what JC needed and what they already had. Since then, Josh had acquired a new four person dining room table, with not matching but still stylish chairs and a few other odds and ends. Plus now that he'd be working for more than minimum wage, a bed would be in his near future. That was what JC was most focused on, getting a real bed again.

It wasn't until the party was in full swing and JC caught sight of a familiar blonde head that he realized how much Nick was at the forefront of his mind. His parents and how much he'd missed home was still nagging at him on a daily basis, reminding him of how his life used to be before coming out. There had been a few times, late at night, that he'd broken down into tears, wondering if he'd made the right decision, if it was all worth it, especially since he was still alone. Had he left home WITH someone or FOR someone, it would be different, but it wasn't different. He was still alone, and for that reason JC wondered why he'd gone through the trouble.

One look at Nick, one feel of his stomach doing somersaults told him what he'd already known.

He made the right decision.

Their eyes met and JC trembled at the smile that graced Nick's face. It was for him and him alone, JC had checked to make sure there was no one behind him that Nick could have been smiling at.

"Congratulations," Nick said, presenting JC with a box. "Happy housewarming."

JC blushed and looked down at the box in his hand. "Thanks. I didn't know you were going to be here..." He regretted it the instant he'd said it, the words sounding different than they had in his head. Thankfully, Nick hadn't been offended.

"Yeah, I figured as much. Played ball with J on Tuesday and he'd said ya'll were having a party. A housewarming slash coming out party, and I'm always up for a coming out party." Nick winked, nudging JC's shoulder with his own.

JC couldn't help but giggle, hoping that he didn't seem like an awestruck girl. "Well thanks. I'm glad that you could make it. And you didn't have to bring me anything."

It was Nick's turn to blush, suddenly finding his shoes interesting. "Well, it's sort of a double edged present. It's for you but for me too."

That got JC's curiosity up and he began to open it. The last thing he'd expected to find was music sheets inside. Beautiful, expensive music sheets. The best out there. He was stunned.

"A friend of a friend owns a music store and so I got a good deal on the paper. I'm sure you know how expensive it is and I didn't think you'd have any... plus I was thinking.. if you had free time.. I mean, I know you're busy 'n shit... J said you were working two jobs. But if you've got free time at all, maybe you could help me out a bit. Like with songs for the band."

All JC could do was nod numbly. His pulse was racing and he was feeling lightheaded. At that exact moment, they were interrupted by a friend of JC's.

"Josh? You got a second?"

"Lance, how are you doing?" The two men shared a half hug.

"Good, thanks. I'm sorry to interrupt but I've gotta get going. I'm heading to New York tomorrow and my flight's for seven am."

"No worries, I'll just.." Nick moved to extract himself from the conversation but both JC and Lance stopped him. JC wasn't ready to end their conversation just yet. He feared that he wouldn't get this chance again tonight.

Lance spoke first. "No. This will take a second," he turned to JC and smiled at him warmly. "I just wanted to tell you again that I'm proud of you. I know you don't think it's true, but you're really brave doing this. Going out on your own knowing that you can't go home again. You're a special man Josh, I wish they realized it but you're better off. You have to take care of yourself, and it's about time you did."

JC nodded, blinking back tears as they hugged again before sharing a quick kiss on the lips. "Thanks."

"Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will."

Lance turned to Nick. "You see that he does."

Nick simply nodded. "I'll do my best."

Within moments, they were alone again. JC knew Nick wanted to talk about what Lance had just revealed but neither knew how to start the conversation. Thankfully, neither had to. At that moment, other guests had arrived and Josh was forced to play host and mingle with everyone. He was only able to exchange glances with Nick throughout the remainder of the night, wishing that the blonde wasn't getting along as well with his friends, especially without him.

 

~*~*~

It was the following Sunday, a week after the party that JC was free to get together with Nick. The blonde had phoned during the week to discuss going over music and lyrics and they'd made time on Sunday afternoon while JC was doing his laundry to get together. "Meet me at the Wash and Go on Duggan St., there's a coffee shop across the street we can go to."

That was supposed to be at one. By two he'd assumed he'd been stood up. It was two thirty, when he had just finished folding his clothes that the door opened and Nick burst into the Laundromat, looking flushed and winded. JC barely raised an eyebrow. He was rather proud of how unaffected he appeared, considering how he was a cross between royally pissed and disappointed.

"I'm sorry Josh. I got caught up with a tutorial and then as I was leaving there was an emergency..."

"Don't worry about it Nick.." The look of pain on Nick's face melted JC's heart just a little. Just as he was about to resume his explanation Josh shook his head "Don't worry about it."

"I did phone though. I'd hoped I would catch you but you must have just left. I phoned at like twelve forty to say I'd be a bit late." JC only raised an eyebrow. "I did!"

"I guess we'll see." JC took a hold of his basket of clothes, surprised when Nick grabbed it from his hands. "I've got it.."

"Nah, it's okay. I don't mind." Nick winked, nodding for JC to lead the way to his place. They walked in an awkward silence.

"I did phone. I felt so bad knowing you thought I was standing you up."

JC didn't want to doubt Nick, but he couldn't help it, he was naturally defensive. Especially when just meeting someone. When they got back to his place, he'd see if there was a message, and if there was, he'd check the time to make sure Nick hadn't phoned later. What tutorial were you doing on a Sunday afternoon?" He asked, genuinely interested.

"I sort of.. well it's not a tutorial as in like real school, but I sort of teach music. I give lessons, like guitar and drums."

JC was impressed. They reached his place and he let them in, taking the laundry from Nick to bring into his bedroom. He was surprised when Nick followed him in. "This is cozy.." Nick said, looking at the room. He still hadn't bought a frame for his bed, but he had a bean bag chair in the corner with a lamp nearby, piles of books throughout the room.

"Yeah right." JC snorted, trying to push Nick out of the room. "It's fucking pathetic, that's what it is..."

Nick raised an eyebrow, a frown crossing his face. "Pathetic? You've got a roof over your head. Functioning plumbing, WITH clean water and not dirty, brown shit coming out of it. Not only do you have a bedroom, but another room plus a bathroom that isn't communal. You don't have to worry about being beaten within an inch of your life for being different, afraid to fall asleep at night for fear of not waking up in the morning. You're better of than most in your position."

JC felt that he might have touched on something he shouldn't have and instantly regretted saying anything. He knew he was lucky, despite what he felt about his situation and had to start realizing that fact. That there were people worse off than him and he should be thankful for what he had, not remorseful for what he didn't.

"I'm sorry. I know..."

Their eyes met and Nick shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. You wouldn't know. I just ... you're lucky Josh. No matter what, you're so incredibly lucky." Nick looked away and took a deep breath. "Aren't you going to check the messages?"

JC had already forgotten. Now, it seemed so trivial, plus he wasn't even sure he was ever going to. He'd rather not know the truth. "No. Not important."

They shared an uncomfortable silence which Nick was the first to break. "Well, maybe I should go. This wasn't a good idea today. How's next week."

The last thing JC wanted was for Nick to go, but he agreed that maybe it wasn't a good time. They both seemed to have some baggage to deal with and it would only get in the way with what they were trying to do. "Good, do you have my number?"

Nick didn't, so JC wrote it down for him, telling him when a good time for him to call would be. JC hoped that their next meeting ended more favourably than this one had.

*~*~*~

JC had expected Nick to phone him, it wasn't exactly what he'd gotten. The ringing of his phone woke him up and JC groaned as he saw the clock said it was almost three in the morning. "Hello?" He croaked once he'd crawled to the phone across the room.

"Nick?"

"Excuse me?" JC was instantly awake at the sound of Nick's name. "Who are you looking for?" For some reason his pulse began to race and his stomach churned.

"Is this Nick? Is Nick there?"

"Who's asking?"

"It's Aaron. Is this Josh? Do you know where my brother is?" JC wracked his brain for an Aaron coming to the conclusion that he didn't know who Aaron was or why he would be calling his number for Nick. What was even stranger was that this Aaron person knew who he was.

"This is Josh. Who is this."

"AARON." The kid said louder, as if that would make it clear. JC could hear noise in the background which sounded frighteningly like screaming and breaking glass. He got the impression that wherever Aaron was, it wasn't safe.

"I heard you the first time."

"Then why did you ask again?" Aaron whined cockily, giving JC the impression that he was young. Very young.

"Because I don't know who the hell you are or why you're calling me."

"I'm looking for Nick, is he there? It's his brother." Again, JC heard something loud on the other end, this time accompanied by a yelp from Aaron. "Fuck..." he muttered and JC heard a door close. Something was seriously wrong. "Do you know where he is?"

"Are you okay Aaron?" JC asked, concerned. He was already slipping into a pair of jeans and a hoodie.

"No... No I'm not okay and I fucking need to find my fucking brother," it took less than ten seconds for the tears to start, the sobs following. "Help me find him please. They're going to kill each other, and me in the process."

"Jesus..." JC cried, unsure of what to do. "I don't know where Nick is.."

"I tried his number but he wasn't answering. He stopped by the house the other day when mom and dad weren't here and when he'd changed, stuff fell out of his pocket. A paper was with the other papers and it had your number on it. I thought maybe you were his new boyfriend and he was there." Although the noise in the background had dulled considerably, Josh wasn't comforted.

"Aaron, what do you need? Besides Nick?"

"I need to get out of here. I need to get away. He said if anything happened again to call and he'd come get me.."

JC knew what he had to do. "I'll be there in... fuck.. where do you live Aaron?"

Aaron rattled off the address to his parents house, still crying and trembling. With each sniffle his heart broke even more. He knew exactly where the house was, now he just had to convince Aaron to hang up with him and get out of his house so JC could call Kevin and they could go pick him up. "Aaron? I need to go now. I'll be by in twenty minutes okay?"

"O...okay."

"Aaron, how old are you?" JC had to ask, just so he'd know what he was dealing with.

"Fifteen."

"Get some stuff, clothes and whatever you need. I'll be there as soon as possible. Get out of your house and meet me down the street. Okay?"

"Please hurry. They've been at it for a few hours. Soon they'll come looking for me."

Aaron hung up the phone, leaving JC with goose bumps. It took him seconds to dial Kevin's number, telling him to pick him up immediately, he'd explain in the car.

Aaron was waiting on the side of the road, head between his knees when Kevin pulled up to the curb. "Aaron?" At the sound of his voice he looked up, face hidden by the hoodie he was wearing.

"Josh?"

"Yeah." Justin had come as well, thankful that he had when JC had explained the story. He'd met Aaron a few times and knew the kid would feel more comfortable with someone he knew, especially considering the family problems that the Carters were having. "It's okay, get in." Josh said calmly, not wanting to scare the young boy. Aaron didn't move, it looked as though he was contemplating his next move.

"AC it's okay. Get in the car buddy, we're going to take you to Josh's," Justin said from the back seat. At the sound of Justin's voice, Aaron's head cocked to the side and JC saw a faint outline of the boy's face. He flinched at what he saw, feeling his stomach churn sickly.

"Justin?"

"Who else buddy?"

To Kevin it all seemed a little surreal, and honestly a little creepy. It felt as though they were trying to lure the boy into the car, which in a way they were, but it was more for his own good than anything. He wondered if he'd fallen asleep and woken up in an alternate reality. Looking at the frightened expression on Aaron's face, he knew it was no dream. Just as the bruised cheek, swollen lip, freshly dried blood caking his pale skin and the way he was cradling his left hand wasn't a dream. Kevin was afraid that someone was going to find the whole scene suspicious and call authorities, but judging from how deserted the street appeared, it didn't seem to be a problem. He didn't blame the younger boy for being hesitant in getting into a car full of virtual strangers, and so he remained silent, biding his time before they could get to the bottom of things.

"Is Nicky with you?"

"No AC. He's not. I don't know where Nick is, but we've called and left him messages that we're taking you to Josh's. So when he gets them, he'll know where you are."

"Are you coming to Josh's too?"

JC and Justin exchanged a glance in the mirror. "Of course."

Aaron was in the car in an instant, slamming the door behind him. He threw himself into Justin's arms, wrapping himself around his lean body. At the press of Aaron's wrist against Justin's chest, the younger boy whimpered in pain, letting the tears fall. JC looked at them through the rear view mirror, not surprised to see tears falling down Justin's cheeks as well. He shared a concerned look with Kevin before looking out the window, trying to figure out what had happened to his otherwise peaceful night.

They got back to JC's and brought Aaron upstairs, trying to remain calm for the younger man's sake. If they were calm, he would stay calm, at least that's what they'd hoped. It wasn't until they were safely inside JC's well lit apartment that they could see the extent of the damage to Aaron. Physically at least. JC gasped, covering his mouth with his hand while Kevin couldn't help but look away. Aaron turned his back on them in embarrassment, pulling his hoodie back over his head. His lip was cracked and swollen, the left side of his face deep purple with his eye nearly swollen shut. He was holding his arm against his body protectively, his wrist bent at an awkward angle which indicated that it was most likely broken.

Justin was the one to approach, pulling Aaron close carefully. "Aaron?"

"Can I use the bathroom?"

JC had a strange sensation come over him. "No. Not alone."

Justin and Kevin flashed him a weird look and he shook his head. "No."

"Jayce, dude..." Justin said, pointing at Aaron behind his back.

JC simply mouthed the words 'trust me'. Kevin shrugged and nodded his head. "Aaron, we need to talk about.."

"I just want ..." Aaron stopped. He fell to the floor, curled up into a ball and started to cry. JC rushed to his side and picked him up, carrying him to the couch. He was careful of the younger man's broken wrist, stroking his hair comfortingly. They laid so that he was on his right side, Aaron still crying hysterically.

"We need to do something," Kevin implored. "This isn't right."

"You don't know Kevin. You don't understand," Justin's voice was soft. "He's tried, so many times."

"Who's tried?" JC asked quietly. Aaron's sobs were quieting down.

"Nick. They fight him on it, every time. They don't ..."

"They don't want me, but they don't want him to have me either. They use me to punish him.." Aaron's voice was still trembling but emotionless. "They can't control him anymore, they can't hurt him, so they hurt me. They hate me because I love him."

The sound of someone pounding on the door startled everyone, causing for echoing yelps to sound in the air.

Kevin was at the door in two long strides. He opened it to find Nick looking sick and frantic.
"Is he here?" Nick pushed past Kevin and walked further into the room, gasping when he saw the state that his younger brother was in. "Oh Aaron.." There were tears in Nick's eyes almost instantly.

As quickly and painlessly as he could, Aaron moved from JC's lap to Nick's arms, holding onto his brother as tight as he could. "I tried calling you but..."

"I had to work late tonight buddy. One of the guys called in sick so I had to work a double," Nick pulled back a little to take a good look at his brother's bruised and battered face. "What happened? Fuck..."

Aaron was still shaking, his face a mask of pain. "They... started fighting. Were drinking too much and you know how they get. It was okay and then I don't know what happened. Mom mentioned your name and they were screaming at each other. They were throwing and breaking stuff. I called but you didn't answer any of the times so I called... Josh's number fell from your jeans when you were at the house so I called him."

Nick turned to look at Josh, his expression unreadable. He focused back on his brother, still listening.

He said he was going to come and get me so I was packing a bag. I knocked something off of my dresser as I was trying to get out and they remembered I was there. They came up the back stairs and caught me sneaking out. Dad was shaking me and threatening me and pushed me down the rest of the stairs. Then when I was getting up, he slammed my head into the wall a few times."

All four of the older men were crying silently listening to Aaron's account of his bruises. JC wasn't sure he could listen to any more, but he forced himself to. He felt the couch dip beside him and was not surprised to find Kevin beside him, pulling him into his arms.

"Told me that he wasn't going to let me turn out like his faggot son. I ..." Aaron tried to smile, wincing as his lip cracked more with the effort. "I laughed and said 'oh, so you admit he still is your son'."

"Aaron.." Nick tried to make his voice stern but it came out as a choked sob.

"I don't care Nicky. He's going to have to kill me before..."

"You don't get it do you? He's going to kill you. One of these days he will and I won't be there to stop him."

"Maybe I'll have to kill him first," Aaron's voice was eerily calm. JC had a sneaking suspicion that he was serious. He flashed Justin a look that said 'see, he shouldn't be alone'. Kevin tightened his grip on him and Justin nodded in agreement.

"Don't say that Aaron. Don't ever let me hear you say that again." Nick shook Aaron roughly, not stopping when the boy started to cry from the pain in his arm and shoulder.

"Stop Nicky, it' hurts."

"Tell me you won't do anything..."

"I won't.. I promise. Please, just don't make me go back there."

"You won't have to," Kevin spoke confidently causing for everyone in the room to stare at him.

"Kevin, I know you think you're helping but don't. Don't get his hopes up. Don't get either of our hopes up."

"I'm serious Nick. He's not going back there. Ever."

"How can you say that? You don't know shit," Nick was angry now. He stood up and shook his head. "Who do you think you are, waltzing in here telling me what's going to happen. You think this is the first time this has happened? You think it's going to be the last?"

"I don't think it's the first time, but I know it's the last." Before anyone could question Kevin, there was a knock at the door startling everyone except himself. He calmly walked towards the door and opened it, quietly greeting the person on the other side. "...thank you for coming."

The door opened wider and three people stepped inside, two police officers in full uniform and another man, who looked as though he'd been woken up fairly recently. The man in plain clothes had with him a black leather bag and spoke with a southern accent. "Who is Aaron Carter?"

Aaron cowered behind his big brother, who did his best to shield the younger man from their visitors.

"Who wants to know?" Nick asked defensively. Josh wanted nothing more than to pull the blonde close and comfort him, ease the obvious pain that he was facing.

"I'm Dr. Littrell. Brian Littrell. I'm here to take a look at Mr. Carter's injuries." Nick looked suspiciously at Kevin who didn't say a word. It was Justin who spoke.

"What's going on?"

"Brian's going to look at Aaron. These police officers are here to witness and observe ..."

Aaron yelped and started to cry, holding tighter onto Nick's body.

"...they're here to witness Brian's findings, and based on what Aaron told us earlier, as well as anything else he or Nick feels that they should know they are going to be filing papers against their parents..."

Nick gave a snort of disbelief. "Shouldn't social services be here or something? Where's that lady who was so nice and caring when we did this before? The one that told me that I was a pervert and just trying to corrupt my brother..."

"I work for social services," Brian said softly. These situations were always very sensitive, especially in cases that were neglected as he'd suspected this case was. He understood both Nick and Aaron's reluctance to cooperate, but knew that it was necessary to go forward. "I don't know who was assigned to your case before, but I can only tell you what I am going to do now. And that is everything I can to make sure that this never happens again." Brian approached Nick and Aaron slowly, so as not to startle or alarm the young man. "Aaron, I know you have no reason to trust me, but I need your help here. You're the only one who can stop this."

Aaron looked up at Nick for guidance. It was as if they were communicating telepathically for a moment before he nodded slowly. "As long as Nick can come too." When Brian paused Aaron closed back up again. "If he can't then I won't."

"I'm not letting him go in the room with you guys alone," Nick crossed his arms over his chest, blocking their path to Aaron. They hadn't made a move for him, in fact they hadn't moved at all, but he wasn't one to trust any position of authority, especially not where his baby brother was concerned.

"Then let me go in with him," Justin said softly. He turned to Aaron and smiled. "You trust me right AC?"

Aaron bit his lip and looked up at Nick before nodding. "Yeah."

"You shouldn't be in there Nick, not this soon. He needs to tell them everything and we can't run the risk of him leaving important stuff out because he's afraid of upsetting you," Brian's voice was calm, soothing.

Nick didn't move, didn't breathe for a long time. Aaron spoke first. "It's okay Nicky. I don't mind if Justin comes in."

"Are you sure?" Nick pulled him close, careful of his wrist. "If you need anything just scream okay. I'll break the door down if I have to."

Aaron let out a soft chuckle, wincing slightly. "They've got guns."

"I don't care." Nick's face was serious, Aaron nodded. "I love you AC."

"I love you too Nicky."

The two police officers followed Brian, Justin and Aaron into JC's bedroom. Nick looked around the room like a caged animal, nearly tearing his hair out. "I'm going to go and get some coffee," Kevin said softly to JC. It's going to be a long night."

"It already has been," JC sighed, running his hand through his hair. He would definitely not be going into work that day. He'd have to make a point to remember to call Tony at some point to let him know there was an emergency. With a hug, Kevin exited the room leaving him and Nick alone.

JC hadn't meant to startle Nick, but as he approached the blonde and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, he'd done just that. Nick moved to speak but saw the expression on JC's face and broke down, allowing himself to fall into JC's arms. They maneuvered themselves over to the couch where Nick curled himself into a ball, allowing JC to hold him tight.

He looked around the room and saw his possessions in a new light. He didn't have much, but what he did have was spurned from love. From the books resting on the bookshelves, to the lamp in the corner, to the table and chairs. From the pictures and paintings on the walls to the throw rug in the center of the floor, everything he'd been given, everything he had bought was done out of love. Love for him. Love for who he was and what he represented.

JC closed his eyes and pictured his parents, the disappointment on their faces when he had told him he was gay. The disgust when they'd caught him and Joey Fatone making out in the backyard one night after a party. The shame at Sunday mass the week that the Wilson's had told his parents they had raised a sinner who wasn't going to heaven because he was a faggot and God hated faggots.

Never once had they raised a hand at him. Never once had he felt threatened in any way, shape or form. Never once had he ever had to endure just a fraction of what Nick and Aaron have had to endure, and JC was certain that he didn't know the whole story.

JC wasn't so sure he wanted to know the whole story.

It didn't stop him from asking though.

JC was surprised to hear his own voice asking Nick to tell him everything. He was more surprised when he heard Nick's voice answering.

By the time Kevin returned and Justin emerged from the bedroom, sickly pale and trembling, eyes red from obvious crying, JC had learned everything. Everything Nick knew. JC suspected that even Nick didn't know the whole story. The only person who knew it all was now sleeping soundly in Josh's bed, a cast on his broken wrist and a prescription for pain killers.

Nick shot off the couch like a gun firing, his eyes wide and face a mask of concern. "So?"

"It looks very good Nick, your case I mean. We have what we need for right now and we're going to start with the paperwork first thing when the office opens. Technically we should be taking Aaron with us but we have to look at what's best with him and right now it's with you. Don't take him out of the city or we will have to remove him from your custody."

Nick nodded, expression grave.

"These officers will be going over to your parents' house immediately to bring them in for questioning. Do you live here?"

"No," Nick shook his head.

"Do they know where you live?" The pained expression on Nick's face was answer enough. "Would they know to look for you here?"

"No."

"Then stay here. Go to Kevin and Justin's. I don't care where you go, just stay out of their sight and within the city limits. We'll contact you later this morning."

And with that, Brian was gone, the officers immediately behind. The four men let out mirroring sighs.

"Is there anything we can do?" Justin asked, pulling Nick in for a tight hug.

"No. I just need some sleep." Nick wiped his face with hands that were still trembling. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Take the bed. It's big enough for the both of you and he'll probably be scared if he wakes up alone. Nick only nodded before heading into the bedroom. JC wished he knew what to do, it was more than he could really handle at the moment. It was as if Kevin knew what he was thinking.

"It's going to be okay now Josh. You're doing what you can and he knows that. Just be here for him, that's all you can do."

"I know, but it's hard."

"It hasn't even begun yet Jayce."

The scary thing was that JC knew that. It was already too much for him to handle and he barely knew the tip of what was going on. He just hoped he was strong enough to get through whatever was coming next.

~*~*~*~

They talked about everything. Almost everything, but enough for JC to get a better idea of who Nick was. Aaron spent most of the first few days at JC's asleep, between the lack of sleep he'd been getting at home and the reaction he was having to the pain killers, the young man only came out of JC's room to go to the washroom and have a few pieces of toast before going back in to sleep some more. It was during this time that JC thought about his life, really put things into perspective and realized how lucky he'd been.

"Is this what you meant when you said I was lucky?" JC hadn't wanted to ask but couldn't not. He saw something flash in Nick's eyes and felt his stomach clench. He tried to remember what Nick had looked like that first night they'd met at the bar, how beautiful and carefree the blonde appeared to be. He wondered if he'd only imagined it, if it had been a figment of his imagination. "The day.."

"I know which day you're talking about Josh. And yes. You don't realize how fortunate you are."

He knew he shouldn't feel guilty for being dealt the hand he was, but JC couldn't help it. It wasn't fair that some people were born into one situation while others were born into another. As he thought back to his childhood, JC realized just how much he'd taken for granted. There were a lot of things he'd have done differently, not taken so much for granted. Enjoyed his life a little more and not worried about such trivial things.

 

"Don't pity me. Please don't feel bad for either of us, it's not about you." Nick watched him with critical eyes and JC was filled with conflicting emotions. He didn't know what to think, say or do. "If I had have had my own way, you wouldn't have had to know about any of this." Nick stood up, pacing the small room. "It was going so well too..."

JC took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. "What was going so well?"

"You. Me. I..."

The door to JC's bedroom opened and Aaron emerged sleepily. The swelling had gone down considerably in the days since he'd arrived and JC could see the stunning resemblance between the two Carter men. He wondered if there were more of them and how their parents could treat their children with such hatred, such disregard. He didn't know what to think anymore. Aaron gave a half smile before yawning. JC and Nick held their breath, waiting to see what Aaron would do. They were both surprised when he crossed the room and hugged JC tight.

"Thank you for coming to get me. Thank you for saving my life."

There wasn't a lot that you could say to that, so JC didn't try. He nodded silently, holding the boy tight. He wasn't sure if he'd helped matters or not, even now thinking back he couldn't help but think that this last attack had been his fault. Had Aaron stayed in the closet, he wouldn't have been found and they couldn't have touched him. Sadistically, that had been the problem, the closet. Of course it was a proverbial one, but still the concept was still the same. IT had been Nick's coming out of the closet that had started everything. Nick had originally been the victims of his parents verbal and physical abuse until he couldn't stay any longer and left home. Aaron had been too young to follow. Unable to adequately punish their eldest son, their parents took to punishing their youngest son, knowing in turn what damage it would do to Nick.

The three of them sat silently in the partially furnished room. Things would have to be taken day by day. JC was used to living that way lately.

~*~*~*~

Aaron was seeing a therapist. It had been part of his conditions when they'd met with the judge for the hearing. He had to see a therapist at least three times a week, which all parties involved agreed was wise. Although he would only admit it to JC, Nick had also agreed to meet with her. JC wondered if maybe he should have booked a few appointments for himself. Thankfully he had Kevin who was just as effective.

"I heard him talking to J, so you can't tell anyone I'm telling you this."

JC pinkie swore.

"He thinks you pity him. Like they're charity. Now that you know who and what he really is..."

JC's mouth dropped and his eyes opened wide. "Are you serious?"

Kevin nodded and shrugged. 'From what I've learned since all this started was I had no idea what was going on with Justin in regards to Nick. They're friends, that's all they'll ever be, but he hadn't told me nearly half of the story. They did meet in class and on the basketball team, but J hadn't told me that he'd known what was going on with Nick at home and how he knew about it. I don't blame him really, it's a lot to swallow, especially when you're just hearing about it and have no idea what's really going on. You'd have to see it to believe it I guess, so Justin kept it to himself. Not that Nick was eager to have people know his story."

"This has happened before?" JC shuddered to think that this was something normal for Nick and Aaron, but genuinely believed it was.

"A few times. Nick was always there to protect Aaron, so as long as they had him there, they'd beat on him. And he's bigger and stronger so he can protect himself more. When he finally left, and from what I gather, he's only been gone about a year, they started beating on Aaron. Nick's done everything he could to get custody of Aaron but.. the state isn't going to give him to a 23 year old kid who's still in school and can barely afford to support himself. Especially a 23 year old queer kid." They were both silent a few minutes, processing everything. It had been over a month since he'd moved out of his house, since he'd initially been introduced to Nick and had the blonde in his life, but had felt like forever. He fought to remember what it was like before Nick and realized it wasn't important. A new JC had been awakened that night.

JC learned how Nick had hoped that the record deal would work out and they'd start recording and put out a CD. If they had the CD, there was a shot that they'd make it big and he'd have enough to get Aaron out of their parents house and into safer ground. That the money would solve the problems he'd created by admitting he was bi. JC hated to think what would have happened if he wasn't just bi, but full out gay. He didn't think that Nick's parents even processed the distinction, it was all the same to them. Their son was different. Their son was disgusting.

Their son was beautiful.

Yes, JC wished they'd met under different circumstances. Ones where they both were living happy lives with no trouble or problems and they were free to just be without fear of anything. But that wasn't real life and they were going to have to deal with what life had handed them. He felt that they'd met when they did for a reason. JC had been feeling down and out, not sure if he'd made the right decision in leaving home. Nick had been a golden ray of light in his otherwise bleak existence as a lonely gay man. He'd given JC something to think about, something to dream about and moreso, something to love and live for. He, on the other hand, liked to think that had he and Nick never met, he'd never have gotten JC's phone number and Aaron wouldn't have phoned him that night, which in turn caused for Kevin to call in a favour and ultimately have Aaron removed from his parent's custody.

JC had a lot of thinking to do.

~*~*~

Aaron was in school and Nick and JC had a rare day off in the middle of the week. It was JC who suggested they go out for lunch. "Neither of us have all that much money," Nick pointed out.

"I didn't say we had to go out for an expensive lunch, just lunch. Besides, I got a friend with a restaurant. I don't exactly have to pay when I go there."

Free was good and even Nick had to admit he was starving. Money had been tight for everyone the past few weeks and they'd only been able to afford the basics. Neither man wanted to discuss the fact that Aaron and Nick were still pretty much living at JC's place figuring it best that they didn't rock the boat. JC had gone over to Nick's with Justin to pick up a few things the day after everything had gone down and with one look at the place the blonde had been living, he'd decided then and there he wasn't letting either of them go back there. His place wasn't all that big, but it was safer and healthier than where Nick had previously been living. JC never wanted to see that place again, and he never wanted Nick or Aaron there either.

They had a peaceful lunch, tucked in a back corner of the restaurant enjoying the lazy afternoon. JC's friend had come out to greet him and insisted that they order whatever they wanted, as much of it as they wanted and not to worry. So they'd sat down and forced themselves to forget about everything that had happened in the recent past.

As they were leaving, the waiter brought out two large bags of food and set it on their table. "Leftovers. He said not to forget it. Take it with you."

JC moved to protest but the expression the waiter gave him stopped him. He knew it was futile to argue. "Tell him thank you."

"You've got great friends," Nick said softly as they walked towards JC's place. The weather was beautiful and it wasn't a far walk home.

"We've got great friends." JC corrected. He explained to Nick that Joey had been at his house warming party and Nick had spent a bit of time talking to him about comic books. After the party, Joey had told JC that he'd really liked Nick and thought he was good people. For Joey to give the seal of approval, that meant a lot and it was then that JC had taken a serious look at Nick as something more than someone to hang out with. "My friends... they love you Nick. They see you as one of us now, so you're their friend too."

"I'm just not.." Nick was at a loss for words. He wasn't used to such blind acceptance, especially from strangers. His band mates were the exception to the rule because they'd been with him forever, friends since kindergarten.

JC put the leftovers in the fridge, turned to Nick and took a deep breath. He suddenly had butterflies in his stomach and willed them down. "I'm going to be honest with you Nick, it's something we need to talk about."

Nick flinched, anticipating what JC was going to say.

"I wish we had have met under different circumstances, without as much baggage as we've got. It's hard enough when one person has issues, but when both have them? It's even harder. But it doesn't change how I feel about you, how I felt about you that first night at the bar when we met. Yes, I look at you differently now, but it's not bad. You're real now, you're real to me. You're not this blonde, god who is absolutely beautiful and has the sexiest hands I've ever seen."

Nick blushed and looked down at his hands, fidgeting nervously.

"You're not this hot drummer who I don't have a chance with in a million years. You're Nick. You've got a shady past where your family is concerned, you've got a fifteen year old brother which you're ultimately responsible for now, and you're dealing with issues that I will never in my life be able to fully understand, but you're you. And I like you. I more than like you. And I hate to think that whatever we've got between us is going to be swept under the carpet because we're afraid of what the other is thinking about us."

"I don't want your pity," Nick admitted not looking at JC.

"I don't pity you. I'm not letting you and Aaron live here out of pity. I'm letting you and Aaron here because I want you here. Because I hate to picture you going back to that disgusting excuse for a room that isn't even big enough for one of you to comfortably stay in, let alone both of you. I want you around because it kills me when you're not. If I didn't want you here, I'd tell you..."

"You're too nice to tell us to get out."

"No Nick, I'm not. So if you're here, it's because I want you here. And I do want you here. I would prefer to sleep in my own bed, but for now the couch is fine." JC smiled as Nick's eyes raised to meet his.

"Oh fuck... yeah... we'll sleep in the living room from now on. I didn't even think...."

JC only chuckled as he crossed the room and put his hand on Nick's arm. He waited until he had Nick's attention. "I was thinking, you've been here a while now, I think Aaron can sleep on his own now. The couch only really fits one comfortably and the floor is as hard as it looks." The way Nick's cheeks flooded with colour was quite possibly one of the most beautiful things JC had seen in a very long time. The slow realization of what exactly he was being offered and the pleasure it brought Nick.

Their faces came together slowly, hesitantly, deliciously as JC cupped Nick's jaw with his palm and Nick's fingers wove through JC's hair. It began as a soft press of lips together, mouths closed, eyes opened. It was as Nick parted his lips enough to kiss JC a little deeper that his eyes fluttered shut and they fully realized the chemistry between them, tiny jolts of electricity stinging both of them. No words were needed, everything that possibly needed to be said was done within the kiss, leaving both men breathless and hungry for more.

"Stay," JC breathed knowing full well Nick understood the implications of the one word. Things would become more complicated, but nothing worth having wasn't. Their relationship would forever change but it was exactly what JC wanted, what he knew they both wanted and needed. He was having difficulty picturing his future without Nick in it, realizing it wasn't an option. They were destined to be together. He just hoped that Nick felt the same way.

Nick's forehead rested against the side of JC's face, his mouth directly above the older man's ear. They were holding onto one another tightly, afraid to let the other go. The past month had only been a fraction of what was to come. His life was complicated, more complicated than anyone would ever assume. Things with his parents hadn't fully been settled and he knew it was going to get uglier before it got prettier. Nick knew all this and with one look into JC's eyes, he knew the older man understood that too. Josh understood it and still wanted him there, in his life. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Okay."

Finis


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