Title:Where The Heart Is

Author:Jules

Part:1/1

Pairing:Justin/AJ

Rating:PG

Feedback:Please - mailto:goddess_julie@just-in-dreams.com

Warning:Bigroupal warning

Disclaimer:This is fiction made up for enjoyment of others. I'm not making assumptions. I'm not stating that this is fact. It's a story!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Where the Heart Is
by Jules

,,..so the wedding was postponed."Those words ran through Justin's ears causing every hair on his body to stand up straight and the skin beneath it to tingle. He turned around slowly so as not to call attention to the fact that his face was a pale white and his hands were shaking.

,,What did you say?"The tone of his voice must have alarmed his assistant and she shrank back slightly, eyes wide.

,,Umm..."She looked over her shoulder as if someone could give her any idea what she'd said wrong. No one else was in the room with them and so she was forced to look him in the eye again. Justin relaxed his facial features slightly so as not to scare the poor girl. She looked as though she was about to piss herself.

,,I'm sorry sweetie. You just threw me off."Justin tried to put her at ease. She was relatively new and wasn't used to his personality just yet. ,,What did you say again? I was only half listening."He breathed a sigh of relief when she relaxed and let out a nervous giggle.

,,Oh. Just that I'd read somewhere that AJ's wedding was postponed. Well.. some sources say postponed, some say cancelled. It's all a matter of perspective really."

Justin's stomach did a few nauseous spins and everything outside of his head disappeared. He was lost in himself until he felt her shaking his arm gently. ,,Justin? You okay? You look a little... green!"

With a shake of his head and a weak smile, Justin simply sat back down and tried to concentrate on what he was doing. The only problem with that, was he had no clue as to what that was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life went on. Appearances were made and performances given. He was of course dating Alyssa ...or was he back together with Brit? He couldn't much remember anymore. Not that he'd really cared in the first place, it was just something that the record label had suggested he do to keep him in the spotlight. First it was for him to get together with Britney because that's what people wanted. Young love. Young love between beautiful pop stars that everyone either wanted, or wanted to be. And then when that got played out to a sickening degree, their big plan was a messy breakup. A breakup that would leave people undecided on which one was truly the victim of the two.

Of course, when that wasn't enough. As if Justin hadn't bled that 'heartache' to death, it was decided by the powers that be for the two of them to have a sort of reconciliation. As if people weren't stupid enough to believe what they wanted to. Justin knew for damn sure, that if he was feeling half as bad as he led everyone to believe he was, he sure as hell wouldn't have forgiven her quite as quickly. And if she'd taken what he'd said about her to heart, then she wouldn't have been as quick to forgive him as well. But of course, they did what they were supposed to and people went right along believing what they wanted to. What they were told to. And all the while Justin just sat there and watched it all happen, shaking his head in wonder.

But now. Now, only a month before his impending nuptials, AJ had gone and called off the wedding. Postponed it. Cancelled it. Whatever. Needless to say, that on February 14th, Sarah would not become Mrs. Alexander James McLean. Justin couldn't conceal a tiny grin. It wasn't like he hated her. He didn't. Well ...not exactly. It wasn't her fault that she was unknowingly playing a part in AJ's charade as a straight male. In everything, he thought that maybe she was the victim in all of this, the innocent bystander. But it was hard for him to feel sorry for her when she was in the place that for as long as he could remember, he'd longed to be

in. His bed.

The difference between Justin's beards and AJ's were that Justin's knew exactly what they were getting themselves into. They knew that although in the spotlight, they were the one by his side, but in the darkness, they were nowhere near what he wanted. Who he wanted. And they accepted that. They had to or else they would be replaced. Justin didn't like any more deceit than was necessary, and the problem with this industry, it was always necessary. So necessary that sometimes the lines between fact and fiction were blurred so much that even he had trouble telling them apart.

AJ on the other hand felt it necessary to keep it a secret. He didn't want to hurt them, so he pretended to be in love with them. Justin had always laughed at that logic, because in the end, they were more hurt than had he just been up front with them in the first place. That was the one thing they fought most about. AJ's 'truths'. Or lack of truths as the case may be. But then again, in the beginning this wasn't supposed to be anything more than a few random fucks at parties. Blow jobs and hand jobs if time permitted. Hook ups that everyone in their respective groups knew about but didn't dare speak out loud. Because really, they all figured that if anyone in the two groups were going to hook up, it would have been Justin with Nick, not AJ. But both men thought that maybe that was part of the attraction. That no one would expect them to have this weird sexual chemistry together, because really, just looking at them screamed the old cliché of 'opposites attract'.

He wasn't surprised that AJ hadn't phoned him. If the tables were turned ...when, when the tables had been turned he'd done the same thing. Waited. So he knew that AJ was waiting for him to make the first move. It was weird because it should have been the other way around, but they never did seem to do things the normal way. It seemed as though going against the grain was always their way rather than with it. Justin liked it like that. So he waited. Press was hot on AJ and Sarah's tails about this because it was being talked about as this fairy tale wedding. AJ fresh out of rehab proposing to the girl who got him through everything and a Valentine's Day wedding to boot. So if Justin was going to make his move, he was going to have to wait unitl the time was right.

That he could do because god knew, he'd waited this long for the older man.

Now, everyone expected for February 14th to be a solemn day for AJ. It was the day of his now 'postponed' wedding, but Justin knew better. He knew that if anything, AJ would be exstatic not forlorn, because Justin knew that although a date had been set and wedding plans decided, it was all for show. Well at least that was until he'd gone home one night from Justin's place to find his mother, soon to be mother in law and fiancé pouring over wedding plans. CONFIRMED wedding plans. The amusement in his mother's eyes only furthered his depression. She was laughing at him and in truth, had it not been his life, AJ would have been laughing as well. But it was, so he wasn't. Justin was just shocked that it had taken him so long to have the wedding called off, he figured AJ would have dealt with it long before then. AJ always did have a flare for doing things fashionably late.

He checked his watch, 10:30am. Perfect time for a wake up call. Justin tried his key only to find out that it didn't work. The locks were changed. For a second he felt a stab of fear enter his heart. Perhaps when he'd ended things with her, he'd also ended things with HIM. Shaking it off, he looked over his shoulder before flipping up the welcome mat and the loose brick, giggling when he saw an envelope tucked in the dirt below. Pulling it up he noticed AJ's chicken scrawl. ,,Like you didn't know I would change the locks. Stupid pop star. And yes, this is YOUR key. To replace the one that doesn't work now. Of course we're not over. Your ass is too good for me to throw you away. At least yet."

Justin snorted and rolled his eyes. No matter how many times they'd tried to end things between them, they always ended up in the same place. And they'd both done their fare share of dumping each other. Their longest break-up lasted about 5 months, but that could have been because AJ was on one end of the country and Justin was on the other and although they didn't see each other, they did still talk. He let himself in the house and inhaled deeply, AJ's scent filling his nostrils. His soul. His heart. Grinning he entered the den, followed by the kitchen, finding no evidence that his lover was there. Justin eventually made it to the upstairs and noticed AJ's bedroom door still closed. Justin felt his stomach flutter and his groin tighten. With extreme caution, he opened the door and just as he had expected, found AJ curled up in his bed, sleeping soundly.

He watched the steady rise and fall of AJ's chest for a few minutes while he contemplated what to do. It had been far too long since he'd been able to just lay with AJ in this bed. The creepiest part of their whole fucked up relationship, was that this bed, the bed that AJ and Sarah had shared for far too long for Justin's taste, was a bed that he and AJ picked out. It was that piece of knowledge that cleared Justin's concience every time they were together in that bed, because it wasn't HIM that was the one that violated their bed, it was HER. It took almost no time for Justin to remove his clothing, setting them in a messy pile in the corner. Silently, he pulled back the sheets and slipped between them, noticing that AJ was sleeping naked, something that always seemed to send a thrill down Justin's spine. Normally, Justin slept with at least a pair of shorts on, but when he was with AJ, he never felt truly comfortable unless he was as naked at the smaller man. Their bodies seemed to fit so well together without anything between them. Their lean muscular bodies pressed tightly together, heat generating from their skin connected, it was the one place that Justin felt truly at peace. And

as he slid in behind the older man, he felt his whole body react.

Instantly, AJ's leg lifted just a little so that Justin's could slide in between them, his arm moving so that Justin's could wrap around his waist protectively. Justin placed a soft kiss on AJ's shoulder and relaxed into the bed. They were wrapped tightly around each other, cocooned in the blankets overtop of them. Justin thought that AJ was still asleep until he heard a soft whisper. ,,Happy Valentine's Day baby."

Justin's heart skipped a beat and he smiled against the skin on AJ's back. ,,Happy Valentine's day to you."

,,Didn't think you'd come."

,,You're such a liar. You knew I'd be here."

AJ chuckled and turned around so that they were face to face, their bodies still pressed together. ,,Yeah. You're right. I knew you'd be here."

Justin brought his mouth down to cover AJ's, their lips opening so that tongues could tease and taste. It had been far too long and in that exact moment of time, it was just them. No other obligations, nothing to hold them back. Just the two of them together. Neither man wanted to waste that opportunity. The kiss continued on, breaking into a series of shorter kisses until finally they pulled away, breathing heavily and clinging to one another desperately.

Justin's fingers ran through AJ's short hair and he was about to say something until he noticed that the smaller man's eyes were shut tight. ,,Aje? Babe, look at me."

AJ simply shook his head and buried his face in Justin's chest.

,,Please, look at me."

,,No."AJ cleared the distance between them again and started to kiss Justin forcefully, rolling them so that he was pinned safely beneath him. Justin pulled away and simply stared down at AJ, taking in the expression on his beautiful face.

,,What's wrong?"

,,How much do you love me?"The question caught Justin off guard. It was the last thing he'd been expecting AJ to say. Without hesitation he kissed AJ's lips softly and framed his face in his hands. His eyes opened up and Justin found himself staring in their brown depths. There was an expression of uncertainty and fear there.

,,Oh god Aje. How can you ask me that? You have to know how much."Justin pulled back slightly.

,,I ...she said that ...I just thought maybe..."

Warning bells rang in Justin's head. ,,She said? Who said? Why did she say? What?"

,,Sarah. She said that whoever he was probably couldn't love me half as much as she did."

Justin's mind caught on the word HE and he grinned, leaning down to take AJ in a tenderly erotic kiss. AJ pulled away confused.

,,What was that for?"

,,You said she told you that he couldn't love you half as much she does. That means you told her... Did you tell her?"Justin held his breath and giggled when AJ blushed and nodded, their eyes locked the entire time.

,,I couldn't do it anymore. I had had enough and ....well I do love her J. You know I love her, it's just that I'm not in love with her and didn't want to hurt her more than necessary."Justin cheered inwardly at the victory. ,,So we had a talk and I told her everything."

,,Everything?"

,,Well not everything. No names or anything. Just that I love her but can't be with her how she wants me to. That I'm ....well that I'm in love with someone else. A male someone else."

,,You're in love with me?"Justin felt his stomach flutter. He lowered himself so his head was resting on AJ's chest.

,,Yeah. I've come to that conclusion, yes. I'm in love with you. And I don't' think it's fair that I have to settle for second best, and she has to be second best. Neither of us deserve that."

,,I love you too. I'm in love with you Alex."Justin said softly, drawing patterns on AJ's chest. Justin felt AJ's heart skip a beat and smiled, looking up into his eyes.

They laid in silence for a few minutes, feeling the weight of their confessions in the room. For the first time their future together seemed possible. It wasn't just silent dreams kept secret anymore. It was a reality.

,,So. Postponed or cancelled?"

,,Postponed. Indefinitely."

Justin grinned. ,,And?"

,,She still loves me. So she's willing to play the charade. Of course she needed a bit of time to deal with it so she's gone for a while. But once the initial shock wears off she'll be back."

,,She hates me?"

,,Not yet. I'm sure that will come!"Both men laughed.

Justin's hand found AJ's, their fingers entwined together. ,,So this? Us. Are we ..exclusive now?"

A soft chuckle was his answer and AJ cupped Justin's face tenderly. ,,Hasn't it always been exclusive? I mean ...where it counts?"The fingers of AJ's free hand traced Justin's chest where his heart lay.

,,Always."

FINIS