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Title: Worth It
Author: Jules
Pairing: Nick/Kev
Rating: R for Language
Part: 1/1
Disclaimer: Fiction for the purpose of entertainment
Warning: Slash warning. Schmoop warning. Angst warning
Notes: This wasn't the story I was writing. I was writing something different then midway through that story I started writing this one. And I had intended on it going in an entirely different direction but that didn't happen.

~~~~~~~~~~

It started off as a game. A harmless game that they'd both gone into willingly. Devised one night in a drunken stupor long after last call had sounded through the bar, Kevin had issued the challenge. The other three were completely astounded that Kevin would participate in a scheme that would ultimately head for disaster. Just having Kevin agree to the rules of engagement was one thing, but for him to be the one that devised the plan was far beyond comprehension and for that reason, with that shock, they remained silent. It was known that when Kevin had made up his mind, when he was certain of something there was no talking sense into him. Rational thought was thrown clear out the window and the best way to handle it was to stay as far away as possible.

So while AJ glanced and Howie threw a pleading look at Brian, they all shuddered with a feeling of overwhelming dread.

Nick was the only one that smiled.

That night had been almost six years earlier. Just a few days before Nick's 18th birthday and still, despite a marriage and countless 'serious' relationships, the game was still in full swing. It wasn't anything that the other three would refer to. They refused to even engage in any type of conversation surrounding the game, thus details were simply kept between Nick and Kevin.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game," Nick had said on many occasions as he'd received looks of disgust and disappointment from his best friend. Howie only shook his head and AJ would leave the room at the first gleam of mischief in either Kevin or Nick's eyes.

The rules were simple and if followed it was ensured that no one would get hurt. Kevin had thought Nick was becoming too cocky for his own good and needed to be taught a lesson. Nick on the other hand knew that Kevin was having trouble dealing with the fact that he wasn't the only one that could have anyone he wanted whenever he wanted, not to mention the fact that Nick was getting more on a daily basis than Kevin ever could. It was a battle of who was the sexiest. The most desirable.

Nick vs. Kevin.

It started out as a friendly competition. Ground rules were set and to be abided always. They had still yet to decide what the winner got in the end, but that would come in time. There was a rating system and points would be decided based on who, when and where. Neither were virgins in any sense of the word, both men engaging in sexual relations with both sexes for some time at that point. It was the perfect plan.

Almost.

Six years and several black 'points' books had gone by and the game was still in full swing. The stakes had increased gradually and basic civilities had long since been discarded. Nick had felt no remorse or shame the time Kevin had gone home to find him and Kristin in their bed, enjoying post coital bliss. Just as Kevin had barely blinked in seducing Justin away from Nick, especially knowing that Nick had been genuinely starting to develop feelings for the younger man. Kevin had ate him up and spit him out faster than Nick could blink, leaving Justin bitter and angry at the whole group, mumbling about them being 'fucking pricks' who 'didn't care who they hurt as long as it wasn't one of their own'. When Nick had felt Justin's hand slap him across the face, he'd wanted to laugh and say he couldn't have been further than the truth. They were perfectly capable of hurting each other, and most often did it more than anyone else.

With each conquest, each point they scored, they moved further apart, putting a distance between them that they weren't even realizing was there. It had long since stopped being fun, yet the damage had been done and revenge was the only thing either could see.

"Don't you realize how much that 'game' has cost you?" Brian tried to reason with his cousin one night. Their wives had gone shopping for the day so the two of them had gone golfing to relax.

"I don't know what you're talking about Bri." Kevin's sunglasses hid his eyes and his lips were pursed in a tight line. This wasn't something he particularly wanted to talk about.

"Fuck you you don't. Everything was going fine, then you started the 'game'. At first it was fine and the two of you seemed to be taking it lightly, then all of a sudden it got serious. It went from having fun to getting personal and that's when it all started. When was the last time you and Nick actually talked to one another? Like, a civil conversation that didn't involve who either of you've fucked?"

"I don't want to talk about this Brian." Kevin walked away, ignoring his cousin's voice. It wasn't until the next sentence was said out loud that he stopped.

"Was it worth it?"

"Was what worth it?"

"The group? Was the game worth breaking up the group for? Because we both know that was what did it. Your relationship with Nick and how the two of you can't be in a room together without wanting to kill each other, or at least trying."

"You have no idea what you're talking about."


"Oh no? You don't think I don't know how much it hurt you to find out that Nick had slept with Kris? And you know full well that that thing he had with Justin wasn't about the game. He genuinely cared for him, was trying to make things work with him and you had to go in there. You had to go in, seduce him and tell him what you needed him to hear to get him to sleep with you. Then you turned him against Nick knowing it would get him back in the game."

Kevin flinched. He needed Brian to shut up. This was all bullshit he didn't need to hear, and he sure as hell didn't need his cousin giving him lessons on his life. With a thud, he threw his club on the green and walked away, not bothering to look back.

"So, you've got your own contract now and are too good for us?" AJ had sneered, making Nick sigh in exhaustion. He was sick and tired of going over things again and again. It wasn't as if he'd been given much of a choice in the matter. Either stay with Backstreet and not make another record, or agree to do his own CD. All he wanted to do was to make music. Had Backstreet been even close to recording together again, he would have picked the group over his own material, but they weren't going to be doing anything any time soon so he jumped at a solo deal.

"It's not that Aje. Fuck, do you know how hard this is for me?"

"I don't know Nick. Didn't look like it was hard from where I'm standing."

"It wasn't me that decided to put Backstreet on hold..."

"It wasn't your decision no, but you're one of the causes of it. Don't try to deny it blondie, we all know it's because of this fucked up rivalry you have with Kevin that we're not doing anything new. That because you've spent the last four years fucking with each other that the two of you can't be in the same room together. I hope you're both happy because you two are the sole reason that Backstreet is on hiatus. Indefinitely."

"It wasn't my idea AJ, so don't blame me. He was the one who made the bet... he designed the game. Fuck, you know I was out of it for a while.. until he had to go and fuck with Justin..."

"And that wasn't you screwing his wife in their bed?" AJ crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Nick angrily. "You're both to blame and I hope you're happy."

Nick stood up and moved to say something. Instead, he simply shut his mouth and walked out of the room, unable to sit there and listen to false accusations any longer. It didn't matter that what AJ was saying was true, that they both played an equal part in the demise of the thing that meant the most to both of them. That they were both to blame for actions that Nick didn't even want to think about out of embarrassment. Most of all, Nick didn't want to think about the fact that he had no idea why he hated Kevin so much when it hadn't started out that way in the least. Somewhere along the line he'd gotten mixed up, confused and turned around. Somewhere the plan ... the game ...had backfired on him and instead of getting what he really wanted, he'd lost everything he'd had.

So here they were, six years later. In the same club it had all began. They were in the same booth, drinking the same drinks with the exception of AJ who was drinking a coke minus the Jack. Nick was sitting on one end of the bench while Kevin was on the other, both in perfect 'bolting' position. Only the person who had called the meeting knew why they were there, and needless to say everyone was considerably nervous.

"So why did you bring us here Brian?" Kevin asked, impatient. Sitting across from Nick was the last place he wanted to be at that moment. Especially when he hadn't seen him in months and hadn't realized how good he looked.

"I didn't call the meeting Kev. I figured it was one of the two of you to let us know that you'd finally killed the other."

AJ chuckled, quickly stifling the giggle as he received nasty glares from Kevin and Nick.

"Was it you?" Nick asked AJ who shook his head violently. Nick looked like he was in one of his moods and it was always best to stay out of his way.

"It was me," Howie spoke quietly. He was perfectly calm, looking at each of his former band mates before speaking again. "It began here and it is going to end here."

"What are you talking about?" Kevin asked, feigning ignorance.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Kevin Scott Richardson. You're fucking 32 not 12, don't be an ass. You started it here, six years ago and I've brought us all here to end it, once and for all."

"What, you gonna kill us?" Nick asked. That garnered a giggle from Brian and AJ who both stopped as Howie's gaze fell on them.

"No. Not unless I have to."

Nick knew when not to push. He stayed silent.

"I've watched the both of you hurt each other time and time again. I've watched you two go from best friends, brothers to enemies. I have sat back and watched for far too long hoping that you'd outgrow whatever the fuck games you're playing here, and seeing that OUR careers lie in your hands, I think that if you're going to go down, you're not taking us with you."

Kevin moved to speak, stopping only as Brian's eyes widened in surprise. Howie was normally the most calm and level headed of the group, but he had been known to have a temper when provoked. And in all honesty he was surprised it had taken the Latino man this long to do something about his and Nick's out of control behaviour. "You're right."

Silence fell over the table, each of the men looking back and forth at one another. It was Nick who broke the silence. "What now?"

"Well now you forget that this whole god damned fucking game ever existed. You move on and get your heads out of your asses so we can try to get back to the way things were before you two were at each others throats 24/7." Howie's cursing only drove the point home harder that he had been pushed too far.

"Well.. okay who won then?" Nick asked. AJ and Brian groaned and Howie growled. Nick shook his head and put his hand up. "No.. no no no no no. I didn't go through all of that ... I didn't lose what I had with Justin for nothing. I didn't go through all of that pain and torture ...everything he put me through for nothing." Nick pointed an angry finger at Kevin. "I want to know who the fuck won Kevin's little game!"

Kevin let out a loud bark and rolled his eyes. "Who the fuck do you think won?"

"I DID!" They both said at the same time. It was as Howie slammed his glass down on the table they both jumped ten feet in the air and fell silent.

"I don't know who won but I can sure as hell tell you who lost."

It was hard to argue with that, so neither Nick or Kevin tried.

"I just have a question." Brian spoke up, biting his lip nervously.

Everyone nodded, waiting for his question.

"When did it turn so ugly? WHY did it turn so ugly? It was fun and games in the beginning. I had even thought it'd brought the two of you closer together. You two would actually spend time together, do things together when we hadn't been able to get you two in the same room for extended periods of time You both began to genuinely enjoy each other's company and then one day it was different. Something changed. What?"

Kevin blushed and turned away. He'd been expecting that question but hadn't wanted to answer it. Countless times he'd thought about the blonde, and wondered why he'd let things get so out of control. Wondered that if he cared about him as much as he knew he did, why he would hurt him the way he did, and why it hurt himself more than anything. Kevin refused to answer.

Nick, at the same time, blushed and turned away as well. He simply shook his head and stood up. "The game is over Brian. No need to revisit the past and no need to open wounds that are supposed to be healed. If I didn't win, then I don't want to talk about it. The game is officially over." He took a deep breath and shrugged. "I'm truly sorry that I let things get to this point. Sometimes you're on a train that's headed for disaster and you don't realize it until it's too late. We'll set something up for next week to discuss the group and what this means. I'll see you all then." With that, he walked towards the exit and left the bar.

Kevin was the next one to stand up. "I don't know where to start in saying I'm sorry, so I'm going to leave. You'll all hear from me when I can adequately apologize. Good evening."

Brian, AJ and Howie were all left to watch them stare in amazement. "I was expecting more of a fight." Howie admitted, downing the rest of his drink that hadn't landed on the table. Brian simply shook his head.

"Nah, I don't think that even THEY knew why they were fighting. It's like one of those things that you're upset about and then you forget about why but just know you're still mad. And then you don't want to admit you don't know what the reason for the fight is so you just continue holding the grudge for lack of embarrassment."

It was AJ that interrupted. "No Rok. They know exactly why they were fighting. They know it and haven't been able to do anything about it. If it was still an issue, they wouldn't have given in so easily. You could see the shame in their eyes. They've wanted to reconcile for a long time but have been too proud to be the one to make the first move." AJ clapped his best friend on the shoulder. "You've done good Howard."

Howie felt less confident though. "We'll see."

Seeing that the first plan of ending the game went so well, there was a new plan. The new plan was to get Nick and Kevin in a room together alone so that they wouldn't be able to avoid each other. Conversation between the two of them was pleasant but forced and it was obvious that neither knew what to say to the other. Brian couldn't count the times they'd looked each other in the eye because they hadn't. Eye contact was avoided at all possible costs and god forbid they get in touching proximity.

"Kevin, be at the studio on Saturday at nine."

Brian left his cousin a voice mail knowing that Kevin would be there.

"Nicky, change of plans. Be in the studio at nine on Saturday, okay?"

AJ had phoned Nick and left him a voice mail, hoping that Nick wouldn't sense something was off.

Thankfully both men showed up. Alone.

It was nearly nine thirty when they realized no one was going to be joining them. Nick had curled up on the couch resting his eyes while Kevin played around with the background vocals of one of the new songs. "They're not coming," Kevin announced without looking at Nick.

"I know."

"They never were coming."

"I know."

That surprised Kevin and he made the effort to twirl his chair around to look at Nick. "You knew?"

Nick lifted his arm off of his face and opened his eyes to look at Kevin for what felt like the first time in years. He nodded without smiling. "Didn't you know?"

Kevin ignored the question and asked another of his own. "You knew all along they weren't coming, and you still came?"

"Yes. Didn't you?" Nick knew Kevin better than anyone gave him credit for and would have been shocked to hear Kevin hadn't realized they were being set up. He smiled when Kevin nodded.

"Yeah. I did." He paused for a moment. "Why did you come if you knew we were being set up?"

"I know how they get when their plans don't work out. They'll all whine and bitch about it, blame each other and then we'll have to listen to it until they devise another scheme..."


Kevin couldn't help but laugh at Nick's analogy, knowing it's truth. "Same here."

"Plus, I thought we should talk."

Kevin inhaled deeply before letting it all out. The moment of truth had arrived. "Right."

"When you fucked Justin. That's when it got personal."

In a way Kevin had already known that. Gone was the innocent Nick he'd always known. Overnight Nick had become hard and jaded, angry at the world. Kevin had felt guilty about that since knowing that he'd been the one to do that to Nick. Justin he could care less about, it was Nick that he'd felt remorse over. Kevin nodded in a short, jerky motion. "I figured."

Nick's laugh was condescending. "You don't know shit Kevin. Yes I cared about him. Might have even fallen in love with him but that's not what it was. It wasn't that he fucked you, it was that you fucked him.

Kevin didn't understand.

"You would fuck anything. ANYTHING. It didn't matter who ...when ...where ...sex ...race ...nothing mattered. But never once was it me. I mean shit Kevin, you hated Justin.. hated the whole, group but it didn't stop you from fucking him. Fucking all of them."

"I never slept with Chris or Joey," Kevin protested. When Nick raised an eyebrow Kevin sighed. "Okay I never slept with Chris." Nick didn't move an inch and Kevin rolled his eyes. "Blow jobs don't count."

"Whatever. Still... you fucked people you hate. You let people you hate fuck you, but never once did you even consider me."

"Consider you what?"

"Just consider me." Nick had since sat up and sat Indian style on the couch. If he was going to get past it, he had to talk about it no matter how hard it was. At least that's what his psychiatrist had informed him. As much as he'd hated to admit it, it was actually working. He was starting to feel much better now that he was telling Kevin how he felt.

That jolted Kevin back for a few moments, unable to believe what he'd just heard. "Are you saying..." He processed everything one more time before continuing, '...that you would have wanted..."

"It didn't occur to me until your tryst with Justin exactly what was going on. I mean, I loved how things were going. I loved the fun of the chase, us getting together to discuss everything and everyone.. it was a game but it wasn't serious. And then you changed. You got harder ...meaner ...bitter and I didn't know what had happened to change things. So I stepped back. I'd started seeing Justin and figured I would bow out gracefully. I even told you you'd won but it wasn't enough for you. You had to ...you just had to beat me. And it wasn't even enough that you had to beat me, you had to destroy me. Like you hated me so much that until I was broken, you wouldn't stop. And that's what you did. You took the one thing that I'd found... the one relationship that could have worked and ruined it. I was happy and you took that away from me, and that's when it hurt the most. The fact that you knew how happy I was, you knew that I'd found something I'd never had before and took it away from
 me, all with a smile on your face. You got what you wanted, I was left miserable and angry..."

"Justin wasn't about you Nick. Justin was my own way for dealing with my own fucked up feelings. My own issues." Kevin didn't know how to accurately explain this to Nick and he could tell that the blonde wasn't understanding. "You'd slept with Kristin..."

"I ...that ...."

Kevin motioned for Nick to stop. "Don't justify it. You knew our marriage was open and she was fair game. And I know for a fact that she had as much to do with it as you did. "But it made me realize something in myself that I hadn't wanted to see. I saw the two of you in that bed together and it made me so mad. And what made me the most mad that it was her in that bed with you, not me. Up until that point I'd managed to keep my feelings hidden... so deep that even I hadn't been aware of them but I couldn't ignore it anymore. And I knew I couldn't have you so I needed you to be as miserable as I was. It was selfish and spiteful but I couldn't help it."

Any trace of emotion left Nick's face and he simply stared at Kevin in shock. "Excuse me?"

Kevin took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts. He knew that his explanation would probably not go over well with Nick and could only hope that the blonde would understand why he'd done a lot of what he had. "I know this is going to sound fucked up, but .. the game... it was really stupid. I was drunk and feeling lower than I'd ever felt in my life. I'd just broken up with Kristin for like the millionth time and it seemed that every time I turned around you were with someone new. Girls, guys.. whatever. It didn't matter and you were just becoming so beautiful, but at the same time getting so cocky about it. Saying how I was an old man and that I might as well step aside because I was washed up. And I knew you were talking trash, but it was how I felt."

"Are you serious? You started the game because you were jealous?"

Kevin shook his head slowly. I don't know if it's that easy. Not that I was jealous.. just ... I don't know. Maybe I was jealous, but I don't know what of. I could have still had whoever I wanted, but it wasn't ever enough. And then we started the game and it was great. It was fun and there was the thrill of the chase again. Groupies didn't hold as many points as other people so it was a challenge to get people into bed, the right people. You know?" Kevin watched Nick nod, knowing that he understood.

"And when did you decide that I was the root of all evil and needed to be destroyed emotionally and mentally? Because that's what happened Kev. You hurt me more than anyone in my life, and I'm talking about more than what you did with Justin. Just the fact that you just got meaner and harsher with me. Not even with the game but with everything. I went through some really hard times during that point and you were always so uncaring, so unforgiving. You forgave AJ everything, you were so lenient with everyone else but with me it was a whole other story." Nick stopped when he saw how wet Kevin's eyes were. "Tell me why. Tell me what it was that made you hate me so much."

"I didn't..."

"Yes you did. You made that painfully clear, not only with your actions but each and every time you told me straight to my face, not to mention when you would tell the guys how much you hated me. I want to know why."

"Because..." Kevin wiped his eyes and put his trembling hands in his lap. He knew that this revelation would not be taken lightly. "Because I had to. You ..."

"You HAD to?" Nick cocked an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I couldn't not. I was getting married to Kris. I couldn't have been in love with you, it would make things too difficult. So I ..."

Nick stood up quickly, feeling the blood rushing through his body. "What the fuck did you just say?"

"I ...I couldn't be in love with you. It wasn't possible. I'm supposed to be the one to take care of you all, I have to be the strong one. I couldn't let my feelings for you get in the way of that."

Nick's laughter caused for Kevin's words to die on his lips. "I think that plan backfired." He paced the length of the couch a few times before saying anything. When he did speak, his voice was so soft Kevin had to strain to hear him. "So you put me through hell because you were in love with me?"

Kevin couldn't deny it so he nodded. "You weren't entirely faultless in things either Nicky."

That caused for Nick to stop, the anger slowly dying out. It was true, he hadn't been an innocent victim. Had he told Kevin how he felt, they would have been able to talk about their feelings long ago, before things had gotten entirely out of hand. His pride had kept him silent, and thus causing him more pain. But it wasn't anything close to what Kevin had put him through and for that Nick's eyes started to tear up.

"Do you still love me?" Nick asked, looking Kevin directly in the eye. Kevin's eyes were filled with tears and as he nodded his head, a few slipped down his cheeks.

"Yes."

Nick approached Kevin and cupped his face in his hands, wiping the tears away. He felt the older man's breathing hitch and he took a deep breath. "I still love you too. Despite everything we've gone through, despite the pain we've put each other through I'm in love with you."

Kevin allowed himself to hope that they would move past everything. His hope was short lived when Nick shook his head and stepped away, speaking again.

"I just don't know if it's enough."

And with that, Nick walked out the door without looking back. He was thankful Kevin couldn't see his own tears streaming down his face and waited until he was safely in his car before he let the sobs overtake his body.

There was too much history to ignore. Too many ways they'd hurt each other through the past six years to just let it go. He needed time alone to think, needed to have a clear head and be able to make a rational decision. Nick had just found out that the man he'd been in love with for his entire life, the one person he admired more than anyone had been in love with him. And it was out of that love that he'd hurt him so viciously. He couldn't just forget everything and accept a relationship with Kevin, it wasn't that simple. It took six years to break up a friendship, a brotherhood and it was going to take a lot longer than a fifteen minute conversation to rebuild it.

Six Months Later

"I was wondering Nick..." Kevin approached the blonde nervously, not wanting to overstep his boundaries. Since they'd had that first conversation in the studio, they had slowly begun rebuilding the friendship they'd lost over the years. Nick had gone home from the studio and locked himself in his house for a few days, not answering any calls, emails or faxes. No one could get a hold of him and he simply spent the time thinking. The first person he'd phoned upon reentering the real world had been Justin, needing to explain to him things that had been long overdue. The two men had engaged in a lengthy and emotional conversation, airing dirty laundry and lifting the weight of their failed relationship from their shoulders. Nick had hung up the phone feeling a lot better, glad to have finally reached adequate closure with the younger man.

Kevin was the second person Nick phoned and the two spent over seven hours on the phone talking about everything that needed to be said. It was easier on the phone because they didn't have to physically look the other person in the eye, nor was the temptation of being so close to the person they both loved and hated most in the world. By the time they'd hung up, they'd laughed, screamed and cried with and at one another, landing on common ground. To move forward they would have to take things a day at a time. They both wanted to record again with the group, and to do that, they would have to become friends again. Learn who they both were now, not who they'd been almost seven years earlier.

The process had been long and tiring but they had finally reached a point where they were completely comfortable together, alone or in a group. It was the first time in a long time that they could admit they were friends again, and it felt great to both of them. Kevin didn't want to ruin things, but he'd had something on his mind for days.

"Yeah Kev, what's up?" Nick looked up to see the other man standing over him and he felt his stomach flip a few times. Despite everything they'd been through, his feelings for Kevin hadn't diminished any and there were times that he was awestruck by his beauty.

"I was wondering if you wanted to do dinner tonight."

Nick licked his lips nervously, unsure of what Kevin meant. Just them or with the guys. "Uhhh, Bri said something about..."

Kevin shook his head. "No. Just you and me. I wanted to take you out .. on a ..." Kevin looked away and blushed. "... a date." He took a cleansing breath and let out the nervous feelings. Six months wasn't a long time, and they were still working on things but he finally felt it was right.

Nick's hands began to tremble and he looked over across the room to where Howie was watching them curiously. They hadn't told the other guys what they'd talked about six months ago and they knew better than to ask. He saw Howie's eyes narrow and he blinked as he looked up at Kevin. "Ummm.."

"Never mind. It's too early. I just ... well I thought maybe..."

"Tonight's not good. I have to be somewhere. Is tomorrow okay with you? Do you have plans?"

Kevin did, but nothing that wasn't more important than this. He would just call and change the appointment to another night, building his trust back and a possible future with Nick was much more important than anything else. Too much time had already been wasted, he wasn't about to waste any more. "Tomorrow is great. We're not in the studio at all so I'll call you during the day and we'll ...."

Nick saw that Kevin's hands were trembling and smiled. With trembling hands of his own, he reached out and took Kevin's, squeezing them gently. "I think we're going to be okay Kev." He knew the older man was going to apologize and gave him a stern look. They'd spent six months apologizing profusely to one another. Whenever they thought they were over it, something would happen to remind them of how they'd treated one another, the lack of respect they'd shown and it brought everything back to the surface. Deciding to go to Nick's therapist together, they learned that until they put it behind them completely, until they let go and forgave themselves, they wouldn't be able to move on. And moving on was the most important thing.

Kevin nodded, wondering if they knew what okay was. They hadn't been okay since they all first met and the whole roller coaster ride of The Backstreet Boys started, but looking into Nick's eyes and seeing nothing but kindness and acceptance was a good start. He hadn't realized that for so long, Nick's eyes only held contempt and hatred for him and now, seeing the change in those beautiful blue eyes caused for a shiver to run through his body. "One day at a time. I know." He leaned down and before he knew what he was doing, Kevin's fingers gently caressed Nick'sjaw. The feel of Nick's skin brought a smile to Kevin's lips and he pulled his hand back, blushing. "I'll leave you alone now, I just..."

Nick's eyes flickered to where Howie was still watching, now joined by Brian and AJ. Ignoring the looks of disbelief on their faces he returned his gaze to Kevin and reached out to grab his hand. "We'll get there Kev. I love you too much to let you go again." He watched Kevin nod and turn to walk towards the switchboard as he willed the butterflies in his stomach to calm down. Nick knew better than to think that he would get out of this situation without being grilled. Like clockwork, thirty seconds after Kevin had left him, Brian and Howie were at his side.


"Nick, what's going on?" Howie's eyes were narrowed, his lips in a straight line.

Nick simply shrugged.

"What are you two doing?" Brian asked, his voice soft. The worst way to get Nick to talk was to attack.

"None of your business." Nick looked up and stared his two friends in the eye. He understood why they were cautious and concerned, and this was why they'd kept details away from the other three for so long. They didn't want to have to explain something they couldn't. When he saw anger flash in their eyes he sighed. "What?"

"You're not starting this again. Please tell me you two aren't up to anything," Howie was doing his best to keep his frustration at bay before he wrung one or both of their necks.

"We're not up to anything."

"Then what the hell was that?" Brian startled both of his friends at his language, shrugging when they stared at him in question. "I just want to know what you two are up to. Especially so soon after things have been resolved since the last time."

And with that, the lectures began. As much as they'd tried not to lecture, it was exactly how it had come out. He let the other two men rattle on for almost ten minutes before putting his hand up to stop them. Surprisingly, both Howie and Brian paused for a moment.

"I love him. I am IN love with him." Nick took a second to gaze over at where Kevin was listening to a playback on the headphones, unaware that the whole exchange was taking place. His features softened and he felt his pulse race just looking at the older man. "So if that's a problem, too bad."

At that exact moment, Kevin turned around slightly to look at Nick, their eyes meeting. A look of love and adoration passed between them and the two men shared shy smiles. Kevin giggled before turning around to continue on with his playback and Nick, blushing focused his attention back to Brian and Howie.

"Is there a problem?"

Howie and Brian exchanged glances and both shook their heads at the same time. "No."

Nick smiled and focused his attention on what he'd been doing before Kevin or Howie and Brian had interrupted. He'd done a lot of thinking over the past six months, hell, the past six years. And it all boiled down to what was worth it and what wasn't. The group hadn't been worth all the pain and suffering that he'd gone through with Kevin, and that was why he'd pulled away and decided to do his own stuff for a while.

His relationship with Kevin, or a possible relationship with him... that was worth anything. It had been worth his happiness before, because just being with him and participating in the game with him was more important than anything else. And when it started to eat at him and tear him apart, as much as he'd wanted to stop there, he couldn't. Now, he knew that the other three weren't confident in his and Kevin's decision to get closer, but it wasn't their choice to make. Nick knew that there was a possibility that he would end up with a broken heart, but watching Kevin, talking to him every night before going to bed and first thing when he woke up in the morning, getting to know him again and spending time with him was worth any heartache he might have. Because as big a possibility that he'd end up with a broken heart, there was an equal possibility that he wouldn't. And it was a risk he felt worth taking.

Finis


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